Wakeful/high needs babies! Any advice on getting through?

[ticklish]

DS#2 has been a shocking sleep since birth and has had severe sleep issues - night and day and has been a very intense, high needs baby. It has been a very intense time for the whole family - need I say more?.

(At 8 months of age, we are starting to get some improvement but he is still erratic at night and as yet hasn't slept an entire night without a feed.) DS#2 is a baby that will not even fall asleep in the pram and will scream a shopping centre down if it is sleep time and he can't fall asleep - even with a cover on to block out stimulation. ATM he will only go to sleep in his cot, which means a lot of staying home and timing outings for awake time. Pain in the behind! But he is not very adaptable!

I know there are other mums here that have had the similiar issues and are interested in other perspective in dealing with wakeful, high needs and intense babies.

For me, improvement has come with establishing a routine by the clock even if he is not showing tired signs. This has been easier now that DS#2 is on three solid meals a day - before this it simply didn't work and I had six and half solid months without a break from the screaming.

(Oh - DS#2 is also an eczema baby and we have had to have this under control first before we had any improvement which has come in the form of a strict diet. His skin is looking wonderful. But as soon as he is uncomfortable - such as a flare-up or teething he is up screaming again!!)


What I would like to know is - How did you cope? Do you have any strategies that would help mums going through the same thing?

When did your baby settle down and let you have a good nights sleep?

If your wakeful baby wasn't your first, how did you find time for your other children? Did they eventually "fit" into the family routine?

If your wakeful baby is now a toddler/child/teenager/adult, did they turn out to be delightful at some stage?

Share your stories please,
TICKLISH

[Emma1979]

i could go on forever about how badly i struggled with my little dd, now almost 2, and my first bub... she was a terrible sleeper, she never slept during the day unless it was maybe a half hour here or there after alot of rocking and trying from me etc, even from birth.... we went for months where the only place she slept was on my chest, me on the couch holding her, all through the night.... she would wake so many times during the night and not go back to sleep for HOURS....

now she is turning 2 and 9 times out of 10 goes down in her cot like an absolute angel and says 'good night mummy'..... i never in a trillion years thought it would happen.... she usually does the same for her day sleeps and sleeps around 1.5-2hrs.....

i never thought i would survive and i never thought she would get better, and i am now TTC with number 2 and petrified of having another baby like this, as it sent me to hell and back with bad depression....

all the other babies in my mothers group slept very well at a young age, and i was pulling my hair out, now quite a few of them are holy terrors, and i enjoy my nights in front of the tele with my angel girl fast asleep in her room.....

the only thing i can say is to hang in there and wait it out.... it will get better eventually, but at the time i know it feels like an eternity...

[KatieRabbit]

I struggled with DD's sleep from the night we brought her home from hosp. I swear some nights the two of us just about went round the bend and I founds days rather difficult as I was very tired and exhausted and DD wasn't a great day sleeper. At about 9 months however things really really improved. All by itself! DD went to sleep at 7pm after a breastfeed and lo and behold didn't wake tp 7am! This is now still the case (at 14 months) and day sleeps vary in time and duration (sometimes none other times two naps).
I don't think I coped early on and I remember my sister saying to me that I didn't have to (cope, that is) which was a great comfort to me. I only have the one child so it may be diff with others. My coping mechanisms were to base lots of things around bubs- I stayed home heaps, didn't make appointments (even with friends) as I had to see how Dd's sleep went, I didn't do much around the house, DH did the grocery shopping etc. So basically I put things on hold as DD wouldn't sleep anywhere but at home and screamed plenty from overtiredness (which she was a lot of the time). Suffice to say, things are super now but it wasn't anything we 'did' as such. Sleep school was no use and we didn't CC as I don't like that and we tried many things but came to a good understanding that that's just how she was with her sleep.

[ticklish]

Thanks for sharing your story katierabbit. Glad to hear that things can get better all by themselves. Seems that it takes a while for some babies to settle down. I am still waiting for that day to come when he sleeps through the night!!!! I have down the staying home thing to get the sleep happening, not done the shopping and not made appointments thing - geez it gets me down plus now school is back DS#1 has pre-school activities we need to fit in - which don't coincide with awake times.

And we really need a holiday but I am afraid that it will send him all out of wack again because a simple walk down to the shops sent him wacko yesterday because he couldn't and wouldn't sleep in the pram when it was sleep time and then was overtired by the time we got home but I had to get out of the house.

I did all the baby wearing, co-sleeping too and even that didn't work. Because he wouldn't sleep in the pram - I took him to the shops when he was little in the sling - having a thrashing screaming baby in the sling was pretty embarrassing and then there is all the comments and unsolicited advice from the old biddies!!


TICKLISH

[Esme]

My DS sleep started to improve around the 9-10 month mark too. He started to go down for regular daysleeps (same time each day) and started to sleep through the night. Before that I would work around his sleeps as he too didn't sleep anywhere else but in his cot and screams when he is overtired. It has only been just recently that I have been trying to keep him up during his naptime as we had to go to a christening and he coped surprisingly well. But since he is my first, I didn't have to work around other kids. Could you maybe organise someone to stay home with DS2 when he is asleep while you take DS1 to his after school activities? Bit difficult to organise maybe... Don't have any advise, just wanted to let you know that it does get better and give you a big !

And, by the way, DS is a delightfull little bub now he no longer fights his sleep as much as he used to. He is much happier and so am I!!! Hang in there, hope his sleep will improve soon!!

[ticklish]

Thanks for sharing your story Esme - I am still waiting for things to get better at night - day time is not too bad but I am still so so so so so so so very very exhausted by the night time waking.

The drs just say he is a difficult baby but he will get better one day, like your son. So happy to know that he has become a delightful boy - there is hope. In the meantime, I will probably just collapse from the exhaustion.

No, there is no one around to help. I would love it if I had a supportive family who could take the pressure off and even help when I need to duck out and pick up DS#1. ATM I just have to wake up DS#2 to go and get DS#1 - it feels so horrible waking up a baby who has had severe sleep issues. He usually ends up really really grumpy and we all get frazzled from the intense screaming.

TICKLISH

[ticklish]

Thanks emma1979. I so know where you have been. The good news is that not all babies are like this but I understand how you would dread another baby like this.

My DS#1 was and still is an easy child. When I was pregnant with DS#2 I was told that there was no way my second would be so delightful by my mum - geez was I upset - but hell, she was right - gRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Many people have said to me that when one is terror baby the next is often the opposite and vice versa - don't know if there are actually any stats on this.


"all the other babies in my mothers group slept very well at a young age, and i was pulling my hair out, now quite a few of them are holy terrors, and i enjoy my nights in front of the tele with my angel girl fast asleep in her room....."


This really made me smile . If DS#2 is only a holy terror as a baby then I guess I will be blessed.

TICKLISH