WTF is it?!

[helle]

Im at my wits end. Ds sleep is becomIng so all over the place I seriously wonder when I'll get a good
block again.

For the last three weeks he's been waking an hour after going to bed screaming... And it just all goes down hill from there. I don't know why, I thought it was because he was hot but it can't be, Ive spent the evening cooling his room, making sure he is cool, giving him panadol incase it could be his teeth, offering water. Short if letting him go and scream himself to death I've tried everything.

I am losing my patience, I get little sleep as it is. What is it?! Why the hell is he doing it?! I don't get how as he gets older his sleep just gets worse and worse. Since he hit 6 month he has just progressively gotten worse and worse.

Sorry for the jumble, But I've really had enough. I've held or together for so long that on really starting to unravel.

Has anyone got any control crying tips? Something to get him into a routine, make him learn how to self settle (he is still breastfed to sleep...) will that help? How do I make a bed time? At the moment he chooses his own bedtime and that ranges anywhere between 8:30 and 11. I wanted to ride this out and let him sort himself out and learn these in his own time but I think a firm kick in that direction may be in order... Before I throw him threw a window or sell him on the black market.

[Fleur]

Firstly - this too shall pass.

We have been through stages like this with Pie, waking up screaming & thinking she was in serious pain.
It would happen like this: we would give panadol or something & she stops screaming & is now sobbing. Between sobs she points out the bedroom door & downstairs. So we take her down & sit on the couch with the TV on. By the time we get downstairs, she's stopped sobbing, and 5 minutes later she's laughing & playing (clearly not enough time for any painkiller to work).

It passed. Once we realised it wasn't anything physically wrong it made it a bit easier to deal with. There were nights where if it was too hard, we still gave in & took her downstairs, although we tried to wait it out a bit longer. Sometimes we just had to let her cry - different from controlled crying, we were right there with her, but she just needed to let off steam.

If the issue is more one of waking like this... I don't know how useful CC would be. I have always thought it is used more as a technique for getting them to go to sleep. I tend to think if they are waking this distressed, it's only going to go downhill if you let them go you know?

I would definitely try moving his bedtime back though. I've noticed when Pie is overtired she often tends to be more restless during the night as well.
With bedtimes, sometimes some firm guidance is needed. Kind of like saying 'you can sort out what your bedtime is, as long as it's between 6:30 & 7:30'
Do you have a betime routine? Personally I don't see a problem with breastfeeding to sleep (unless it's a problem for you) and I would not try changing that just yet - I would use that cue as a way of moving his bedtime back.

So what we do here is, dinner bath & bed - not always exactly like that but often enough - and then she gets quiet time on our bed with one or both of us. We have the lamp on so it is not a bright light, she has a bottle (although she is dropping that atm it seems) She rolls around, reads books & generally winds down. DH tends to let her go more than I do, if it's been over half anhour & I've had enough I will turn the lamp off - she understands 'ni-ni, sleep time' and usually that is enough to send the message & she will drop off.

If you can find a bedtime routine that works for you, start introducing it around an hour before bed. You will need to be fairly persistent to begin with, it will take a little bit of work - once you have established that 'this means bedtime' you will have a bit more wiggle room.

Good luck hun. I know it's tough right now but it WILL pass more quickly than you think

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

hun, it may be a developmental thing. Z has been FERAL the last week.

I couldn't get her to take ANY sleep without screaming the house down and she was basically being fed to sleep even during the day which she doesn't normally do, she would be asleep on me then the second i laid her down she's be up screaming.
The other night i was up until 2am with her then she finally slept and was awake again at 6am

Yesterday out of nowhere she FINALLY had her morning sleep in her bed without screaming and without being put in there asleep first.
I'm seeing the MCHN today so i will ask if she has any tips about what it might have been.

[JLeigh29]

Could it be night terrors? I read that they tend to wake bubs within the first few hours of going down for the night.

And definitely try a bedtime routine, it's made it sooooo easy to put DS to bed and it's the only sleep time we haven't had trouble with for the past 4 months, even when he's teething and won't do any other sleep without a struggle, he'll always go down at bedtime with a minimum of fuss.

You could try the checking method - put him down after a little cuddle (or whatever you do), say "Nap time now. Mummy is close by" or whatever and leave. If he cries, wait before going in (start at one or two mins) then go in, repeat whatever you say, pat without picking him up and as soon as he's calm, leave again. Repeat, but leave longer gaps. up to about 10 mins. I know, it sounds a lot like CC!! Or the gradual retreat method, where you put him down awake but stay in there until he's asleep but get progressively further away (from holding hands/patting to sitting next to the cot to 1m, 2m etc away to eventually leaving the room just before they're asleep). I haven't tried it, but hear it's great for bubs who feed or are cuddled to sleep.

Most importantly, you are doing such a great job. Hang in there. Fleur is right, it will pass (and then will come the next challenge).

[fi1980]

It's so hard when they don't sleep well and you aren't getting as much sleep as you need. We would all like to think that as they get older their sleeping will get better and things will get easier but this wasn't the case for us at all!

Up until about 5 1/2 months DD was a great sleeper - sleeping through for 8-9 hours at a time consistently... every night! Then she started teething, started getting sick from all the germs at day care, started getting frustrated about not being able to do things etc. It all went down hill for us and DD would wake up to 6 times a night and just scream. It was horrible and I thought it was never going to end!!

Then magically just after she turned 1 things started to settle down again. She was walking and communicating and doing so many things she had previously been unable to do. She started sleeping through!! For the last couple of months her sleeping has been fantastic. Sure, we still have the odd bad night but they are few & far between and the majority of the time we all get a full nights sleep.

So for us - we had it good for a few months, then horrid for a good 7 months but I am pleased to say that we are back on track now! To be honest, for us it wasn't changing routines or anything like that as we have always had a positive bedtime routine, things just started to 'work' at around this age.

I really hope things start to settle down for you soon and that you all start getting more sleep.

Fi

[helle]

Thank so much girls. I wrote that in a bit of a haze last night.

Our bedtime routine, we have dinner around 6:30, shower time around 730 and then we wait for Ds to tell us he's tired. Which is usually him going from happily laughing to sooking and clawing for my boobs in a three second window.

I don't mind feeding to sleep, infact i enjoy our little cuddles, but a few people have said that it might be the issue as to why he isn't sleeping as he can't selfsettle. I'm a bit skeptical TBH but last night was a push of my limits.

I have tried taking him to his room, dimly lit, infact I tried last night and it can take hours for me to get him to sleep because he just won't til he's ready. Having late arvo naps, no arvo nap or early ones make no difference. Maybe hes in a habbit that needs breaking i dont know. Maybe i need to really stick with it because i get discouraged pretty fast. Anyway, Last night he kicked up that much if a stink that he fought me down from the recliner rocker and then ran straight out of the room. At that point I started to think maybe something was freaking him out as he kept looking up at the ceiling fans direction and crying. I turned the fan off and even removed Jayvans ashes from the shelf and bought them out to our dining room incase his big brother was being a jerk!

I think I'm losing the plot.

[helle]

And FI Ds was the sane. Slept amazingly we were bought him hope from hospital then he all went down hill at 5-6months.

[Taurean]

Hi hon DD went through a similar thing around 12 months. Actually, she was a brilliant night sleeper until around 6 months too then it all went pear shaped. A lot of the problem was teething and developmental leaps.

I honestly think it will just pass in time - and will probably go haywire again down the track! One year old molars are very painful for them, separation anxiety really sets in around 12ish months and they are often learning/have just learnt to walk which is really full on for them - a massive developmental leap.

I would definitely try to bring his evening routine forward. DD eats around 5.30 to be in bed at 7 (most of my friends do the same) and that works well. Is he fed to sleep during the day too? If so, maybe try stopping that. Feed him well before nap time and see if he will go down for his nap without too much fuss. I did this with DD at 6 months and after a day of protests, she was fine and has been since. DD still has a bottle just before bed at night but we don't feed or rock her to sleep - she drinks then we put her to bed awake. She's been doing that for months now and copes fine. Granted, she plays up some nights and either wants a cuddle or more milk later in the evening but that's cool. A lot of the time she's out for the count. I'll be honest though, her sleep is really good but is nothing like the early days when she slept for 12 hours STRAIGHT! I think she's just so much more aware now, there's so much more going on in her little world which interrupts her sleep. And teeth - man they suck!

I hope my rambling helps a little and, at the least, assures you that you're not alone but the 'phase' does pass/change

[~MummaBear~]

I dont have all that much advice to offer but from what you are saying i really doubt that feeding J to sleep would have anything to do with it. ( people like to scare you with that one all the time) I honestly think it would cause a bit more disruption if you tried to stop feeding him to sleep now. Is it possible that you are missing other more subtle tired signs earlier in the night? what does he do if you just decide to put him to bed before you see he is tired? at 1 yr old all my kiddies were going to bed between 7pm and 8pm does he sleep much during the day? my kids had horrible nights if they didnt get enough sleep during the day.. bit strange you would think it was the other way around!!
I know things like learning to walk can really mess with their sleep too...
i really hope he starts sorting it all out soon chick.. sleepless nights are horrible and your really expect them to be getting better as they get older so it just makes it seem more unfair... well to me anyway
let me know if i can do anything!

[Party-of-five]

I have no helpful advice sorry if I did maybe I wouldnt be in a similar boat Its so draining I feel like Ive been in a bad mood for months
We are considering seeking outside assistance but from what Ive herd from other mums Ive tried all the stuff already
according to my MIL its just payback for DHs behaviour as a baby
wow way to highjack a thread sorry

anyhoo sleep issues suck!!

[helle]

I dont have all that much advice to offer but from what you are saying i really doubt that feeding J to sleep would have anything to do with it. ( people like to scare you with that one all the time) I honestly think it would cause a bit more disruption if you tried to stop feeding him to sleep now. Is it possible that you are missing other more subtle tired signs earlier in the night? what does he do if you just decide to put him to bed before you see he is tired? at 1 yr old all my kiddies were going to bed between 7pm and 8pm does he sleep much during the day? my kids had horrible nights if they didnt get enough sleep during the day.. bit strange you would think it was the other way around!!
I know things like learning to walk can really mess with their sleep too...
i really hope he starts sorting it all out soon chick.. sleepless nights are horrible and your really expect them to be getting better as they get older so it just makes it seem more unfair... well to me anyway
let me know if i can do anything!

i don't think so either, because when he does he can sleep in 3-4 hour blocks, sometimes 5 or 6 but lately they're rare! if he was needing feeding to resettle he'd be waking every 40-90 minutes. you just get paranoid, you know? incase you're not doing it right ><;;
This morning he did his usual grope for boob to sleep, but it didn't seem to push him over the edge so I cuddle him to sleep with his little musical seahorse, then when he was dopey i put him in his cot with it still playing and he went out like a light. Maybe I might try that tonight and see if I can get him to sleep a little earlier. I will admit after his shower DH does stir him up a bit playing which probably doesn't help the situation but it breaks me heart to tell him to stop because he doesn't get to spend much time with him during the week.

PO5

[helle]

Nap lasted half an hour. The other issue; when we deviate from his own little routine it ends up being worse than the original. -.-;

[tanyaya]

hi helle

sorry to hear of your 5am troubles...

i feel like posting up my own thread about my DS's backward progress in sleeping. He is now in his cot after an hour, jumping up and down, refusing to take a nap. I think it's the heat + the whole xmas period put his sleep routine out of whack...it's driving me nuts (and definately not what we want in preparation for #2).

So maybe ignore my advice....

BUT if i can give you some advice..... i recommend attending sleep school, maybe you need extra extra support as you sound sleep-deprived yourself. They can help you get into a good rhythm, it's a matter of finding one that has a philosophy you're comfortable with.

We visited one when my son was 11 months old. We had been co-sleeping up until then and I was getting virtually no sleep at night as I couldn't relax. I was totally open to the idea, but extremely sceptical that it would work for MY child.... but it did! and we developed a great (gentle) sleeping pattern.

that now unfortunately needs some more fine-tuning. i wonder if i can book myself in again. maybe i'll wait til #2 is here and i'm really at the end of my tether!

Good luck!
Tanya

[Lenny]

You aren't alone sweetheart. DS2 has been a terrible sleeper since he was about 1 month old. It's gotten to the point where i dread going to bed myself because i fear what kind of night is ahead.

I would say that you could try to put him to bed a little earlier. They sometimes seem all lively and awake, but if they have been awake for 3/4 hours they can sometimes still settle into sleep, before they turn all needy and clawing your boobs

My DS2 is awake from 6am-9am then 10am-2pm then 3/4pm til 8ish. That's all approximate by the way - not setting clocks by it! He does not settle to sleep on his own, but I stay with him in his room (camping out) until he is either asleep, or pretty much asleep. He still wakes about 3 times at night. Once for a feed and the other times just to scream at me ()

BTW I tried the black market...no one was interested.