Am I making it worse? (Warning - long!!)

[Arimeh]

Hey, just after some advice about my 14 month old. He is very clingy (I have written a thread about it a couple of weeks ago) so to save my arms from dying under his 11kg weight, I went and brought a Bubba Moe sling. Which is great, can't fault it. I tried vaccing the carpets this morning, with DS just on the carpet, but nope wasn't good enough - he had to be picked up and held. So I put him in the sling and just did the vaccing with him on my back. All went well, not a peep out of him.
I know that he's not showing any signs of being independent, always wants me to be with him, near him, playing with his toys with him, I just can't get up and leave the room and leave him alone, or else he screams the house down and starts crying. Day care is aware of the "problem" and are working with him to try and make him more independent, so he can happily play by himself.
So, my question is for experienced mothers who have gone through this, am I making it worse by strapping him on my back whilst I do things around the house, and sitting down and playing with him? Would it be better if I ignored him when he screamed and he would get the idea that he has to play by himself (not sure I'm totally comfortable with that idea though).
I'm after a bit of advice because I'm pretty clueless at the moment how to deal with him. Oh, and also, is it just a phase he is going through (cos its been going several months). He is also starting to reject his father, and only want me picking him up or cuddling him. I think this hurts DH a little, and he feels bad because I'm the one getting hounded all the time!!!!
Any help would be muchly appreciated!!
Thanks in advance

[{sarah}]

We went through this as well & now when Aaron is home I get "no daddy do it" and I'm not allowed to do anything!!

I really don't like te thought of my son crying & getting that upset so I personally wouldn't let him scream. Is he walking yet? Can he follow you round the house while you do things or is mobility an issue at the moment, because that might be affecting him. Maybe when you leave the room keep talking to him - "Mummy's just going to the kitchen to put the kettle on. I won't be very long, see you can still hear mummy, so I can hear you too...." Just so he is aware that out of sight doesn't necessarily mean gone completely. When you come back make a big deal - "seee mummy only went to the kitchen etc etc"

Maybe try sitting on the floor with him & read a book or magazine while he plays next to you, that way he has the closeness but you're not actually playing *with* him.

[Arimeh]

He's not walking yet, took 3 steps unaided yesterday day care told me, but hasn't attempted it here, prefers to crawl. I've tried the magazine on the floor next to him, and he just climbs all over me and squarks in my ear. *sigh*
Oh and I do talk when I go out of the room, but I don't think he can hear me over his own screams

[Pretty Butterfly]

All little boys go through a "mummy" stage, and i think this is what he is doing. He is aware that there a whole big place out there now, and he is safest with mum. He will go forth a happy little camper in time, if he has mums security. I beleive you are doing the right thing. A content, safe, child will eventually venture off, he wont stay stuck to you forever!! And get ready for when dad becomes the main sorce of security and comfort, your heart will break!! But he will always come back to mum!! A child cant be spoilt with security, love and play time!!! It can be hard and frustrating, (carting your toddler to the loo with you etc ,) but he'll grow out of it....eventually....

[Arimeh]

I'm hoping that he will grow out of it. For some reason, I don't really want my son watching me do a pee when he's 15!!!
So do you think that if I continue to carry him around he will become more secure and then will become more independent that way?

[Pretty Butterfly]

I believe so. He will soon learn he is missing out by being stuck with you. Toys and books and other kids having fun will make him wanna join in!!! He will find his little legs and start running away from you!!! But all with the security that he knows your there for him, if need be. He will become independent in his own time, and some children want it a little later, and thats ok too!!! The best we can do is love and care for our little ones, and let them discover the world at thier own pace.... JMO!!!

[Arimeh]

Ok, I'll keep doing that then.
I take your opinion very seriously!! You are obviously an experienced mother, and a loving and caring one at that!!

[Matryoshka]

No way Mel! i think you need to support him through this and the sling is a great idea. My DS is extremely attached, i have written many a thread about this myself. I have not been away from him for more than a couple of hours and he's 20 months. I have beat myself up wondering if i caused this by never allowing him to cry, and always being there when he needs me. But the proof is in the pudding - slowly but surely he is becoming more and more independant, so i am sure it is a personality thing and when age appropriate they will slowly begin to venture off on their own. The walking is a big thing too, before my DS could walk he would become quite distressed as he couldn't follow me. Once he could walk he was much happier!

I really suggest you read a book called "The Continuum Concept", it is about a tribe of native Indians living in the Amazon who carry their baby 24/7 until the crawling stage - this creates a sense of confidence in the babies as they are immersed in the every day workings of the mothers life, as opposed to being put down and feeling isolated.

I do believe that some babies just need to be close to their mothers until they are ready to break away and become more adventurous. I was told so many times to socialise my DS more, to leave him more etc, but it didn't feel right in my heart. And i'm glad i haven't because he is so much more confident now and i can see its something he needed to do on his own. Even friends i only see every few months comment whenever i see them how much more independant he has gotten. Last time i saw them he went off playing with the little girl in to another room etc, whereas months ago he would never leave my side. SO they do do it when they are ready.

I think what you're doing sounds great, continue following his need and supporting him as he needs it