What happened?

[Lily Dust]

Hi!

This is not intended as an ungrateful whinge but I have just spent the day crying my heart out and its doing my head in, I am after advice on what happened to my happy little girl. DD is 13 weeks today and I dont know if this is just a case of a 12 week wonder week (stretched out before and after 12 weeks).

DD has started catnapping through the day and is struggling to resettle after any day sleeps. This leaves her tired, grumpy and constantly grizzling. She will give me a smile when I get her up but she has even stopped giving nearly as many smiles, she is not happy at all anymore. I am devastated and I feel like its me she doesnt want to be near, as she tends to smile at DH and strangers! I know that is absurd but its hard not to feel it. She will have 6 naps of between 20- 40 minutes through the 12 hours a day she is awake. I know she needs good long rests but she will not resettle and I refuse to let her CIO.

She has always been a terrible breastfeeder but I have pushed it and will continue to do so, despite everyone (family) pushing me to stop. Apparently her crying indicates my milk isnt any good?!?! And she is telling me she is too big for a boob and needs a bottle!?!?

So any ideas on why my happy, smiley little cherub has turned into a sad, tired and irritable grump? And what we might be able to do to make her happy.

[ss_storm]

Just wanted to give you some hugs hun... we did go through a bad spell of catnapping during the day (sometimes she still only sleeps for 40 mins at a time), but she was never overly grumpy..

will she sleep longer if you put her on your bed and lie down with her? I know it's not really a long term solution, but until she either "gets over it" or you find something else that works, it might help to give you a bit of a break and she might at least have one long sleep during the day.

Have you got a sling you can pop her in? She might be more likely to go to sleep in that.

As for the b/f...your families comments are far off the mark! Breastmilk is the best thing for your baby, you are doing a great job providing her with nourishment. Is she putting on weight? If she is growing ok then I doubt that it's something to do with her feeding.

Just another thought...she doesn't have silent reflux does she? there are a few remedies you can try for that and for a colicky baby that might help..dont know what they are off the top of my head but i'm sure others will be able to tell you.

Hope her sleeping improves for you soon.

[BhoysGirl]

I couldn't just read this & not reply, even though I'm not sure that I've really got any clues.

I second SS Storm - breastfeeding your DD is one of the best things you will ever do for her, and nutrional benefits aside, it's a fantastic way of nurturing your bond with your DD. Well done for sticking with it in the face of what sounds like serious opposition from your family - they are way off the mark with their opinions.

My DS certainly went through a period where he'd smile at "everyone" else except me, and I too had some really sad moments thinking that he didn't like me. But that's really not what they're thinking - they just see us more than anyone else, and they quickly know that we're the ones who will always be there, so they don't have to charm us so much. The pay off will come, especially when you obviously become the one that she looks to for first line of comfort . Which can open a whole other can of worms but that's a story for another time.

Slings can be great solutions for sleeping issues or even unsettled times. For my DS, I also found that keeping to regular patterns for waking/sleeping really helped. Not rigid routines, but I know that I kept an eye on how long he'd been up for - from memory about 1.5 hours at the 3 month mark is what worked for us, and then had a familiar routine for going to bed. When he was really giving me grief with sleep, I'd also cancel everything, and just have a few quiet days at home to get things back on track. Might not be so easy to do this time of year.

Anyway, I hope that your happy girl reappears soon, it's hard to imagine when you're in the middle of it, but most of these tough time pass.

[Miss E]

Just wanted to give you a big honey. I second all the advise the others have given you. I also went through a very similar time with my DS (I would look at a photo I took of him just before it all started where he was all smiley and cute and cry and wonder what happened to my happy little boy).

You're not alone honey, I think it is part of them growing up and by the sounds of it she is going through a wonder week (they can and do sometimes last a little longer than a week). Before you know it it your happy little girl will be back and she'll have a great new trick to show for what you went through.

[Fleur]

Just coming in to give hugs ...the others have given you great advice.

Apparently her crying indicates my milk isnt any good?!?! And she is telling me she is too big for a boob and needs a bottle!?!?

what rubbish... good on you for sticking with it. It can be very hard especially if you're not getting a lot of support. Trust your instincts hun.

Wonder weeks can last a bit longer than a week.. our 12 week one only lasted a week, but it was a doozy...
... and I'm not sure if it is / was teeth or a wonder week, but we had something going on here a couple of weeks ago that had us tearing our hair out for over 2 weeks....

the best thing I can say to you is whatever it is...it will pass it will not always be like this. Trust yourself...you're doing a great job

[Lily Dust]

Thanks heaps girls for taking the time to share your advice, opinions and experiences, it really is very important to me at the moment! I know DD is a very good little thing and I think because of that when something little happens it seems a lot worse than it is for many others.

ss_storm, we have tried the laying down together to avail. which was sad because I really love having sleepy snuggles . So today I put her to bed to sleep and then got her up for snuggles on me after she was asleep . She did used to love her sling but she is such a hot little girl she doesnt like to spend much time in it at the moment but I am hoping that will change when it cools down. I hadnt thought about reflux or anything like that and I will have a look and see what I can find out, thanks heaps for that thought. She is a chubby little bub, double chin, fat cheeks and chunky thighs, the only time in a girls life people love chunky thighs and if anything I have an oversupply of milk.

Bhoysgirl....what a beautiful thought, she doesnt need to charm me, I will always be there. That is so true and a much nicer slant on why she isnt smiley. Also DH has been home over the Christmas break and I guess he is 'new' to her ie he isnt here 24/7 like I am. So she thinks his face is very exciting!

Miss E- thanks for sharing you have been through this and I cant wait for the brand new trick she has to show although today we got half a giggle so maybe she is almost through . I was so very proud!

jasp thank you for sharing that your wonder weeks sometimes lasted longer than the week, it helps me realise there is light at the end of her sadness. Im sure if the poor little thing could have she would've packed a suitcase and headed out the door!

Also girls a massive thanks for being supportive of the breastfeeding, it is hard when everyone is saying Im doing the wrong thing. I try to block it out but when its a constant nag at you it can be hard, especially when you dont know what can be causing the upset!

Wishing each of you an absolutely magical 2010.

[girlonamission]

Hi Lily Dust,

Another one who wanted to come and give you big hugs and offer support

First of all, I agree with everyone else about the breastfeeding - you are doing a great job and well done for sticking with it despite the difficulties and negative attitudes you've had to deal with! You should be so proud of yourself. As for your milk not being good, or that she's too big for the boob - that is just plain wrong!

both of my boys went through difficult stages of catnapping and wakefulness around the 3 month mark (and again around the 5 month mark - sorry if that scares you!). I don't know if there is anything you can really do about it, other than try to remind yourself that it is a phase, and will surely pass. I know its hard to realise that when you're in the middle of the fog, but it really does improve eventually.

I used to be very hard on myself with DS1 who was a terrible sleeper from word go, and I always felt I'd done something wrong, when everyone elses babies (often formula fed babies) were sleeping right through from 8 weeks and having big day naps too. In the end I had to accept that this is how my baby is, and once I accepted it I began to enjoy him again. The same thing happened with DS2, although he's been slightly better overall than DS1 was.

Things will get better for you soon, just hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. It will get better

[NaeNae]

lily dust

as the others have said the comments about bf are way off, just laugh at the people when they say that and tell them how ridiculous they are being - even if the laugh is forced. FWIW my dd is having a grizzly period atm and everytime MIL is around or in ear shot she says dd needs a dummy, now i say in a joking (but not joking) half laugh voice ... "nah no need for dummies gran just lots of tlc and pats on the back to push the bubbles through"

if you wanted a comment back just ask them what makes them think a second rate substitute will be any better (no offense to FF babies) after all you make the perfect formula that is specially tailored to your baby ....

For reflux try keeping bub upright for 30 min after feeding to give the milk time to settle.

as for sneaking bub for a cuddle once asleep i have a theory - let sleeping babies lie. DD only catnaps 20 - 60 min at a time no matter how much i want to cuddle her i resist the urge any rest is rest

[Lily Dust]

Hi Rilady, thanks for the support. Thanks for the heads up about the catnapping at 5 months too. If I can be prepared and I know whats coming I feel a bit more relaxed about the whole situation! I am trying hard to 'accept' how the Miss naps through the day and it has made me feel so much less like a failure, we have even been going for a walk every morning, think I may have been getting a bit of cabin fever trying to get DD to sleep better. I really cant complain about the night sleeping, it was just day time as I just felt like I was always feeding her or trying to put her to sleep!

NaeNae- thanks heaps too, my 'darling' mother said to me again 'she just doesnt want a boob' again and I quickly thought and shot back 'no you're right and when she can have a steak dinner I will stop giving her a boobie feed'! Thanks too for the tip on reflux, she is a 'spewie' baby but she is also quite a pig when it comes to milk . It is a bit of a help to know your little girl is a bit grizzly too at the moment, makes you not feel so alone.

Thanks again girls for replying. Yesterday we had such a great day, DD and I played and cuddled and layed on the floor staring at each other. She chewed my fingers and 'talked' to me for a good 1/2 hour, she seems to be coming out the other side, which makes it so much nicer!

Oh yeah, Miss E you were spot on, we have so many new tricks to show for it!!!!

Take care all

[Winter]

So thrilled for you that you & DD had a great day today!

PS I'm really excited that you're still breastfeeding, great response too about the steak, i love it! BF is so convenient, if nothing else, that's what I love about it. Always on hand, right temperature and you don't have to sterilise your boobs!!

[NaeNae]

FWIW hun - there is a great book that I am reading atm called "Wonder Weeks" might be worth a looksee

x x x

[Arcadia]

Just jumping in to offer a

Its so hard to figure out what little babies need. It is so, so normal for them to catnap!!! Just because one baby has a 3 hour sleep in the day does not mean your baby needs one. I remember going for 5 walks a day when DD was that age (she would only sleep in a sling).

As for bfeeding. You cannot overfeed a breastfed baby. Breast is for comfort, cuddles and for food and drink. My DD was a spewy baby too...probably because I fed her every 1.5 to 2 hours. But you know what? I was a new mum and didn't know what else to do! And it worked...i.e. she grew out of it! Breastfeeding is good for bub and helps release relaxing hormones in you. What more could you want?

People have no right to tell you what your baby does or doesn't want. Its YOUR baby. Mother and MIL had their chance, and you didn't get a say in what they did. Follow your heart and listen to your baby. You're doing a fabulous job!!!!!

It all passes so quickly. Its just a matter of holding on and trying to enjoy the ride!