Debating which hospital....

[{sarah}]

I've been thinking about which hospital I want to go to when we have our next baby & it's too hard so I thought I'd ask for more opinions.

My first labour was long & hard ending in a c/s. The midwife was absolutely brilliant & I fully believe that the problems started once she had to finish her shift (3hrs after she was supposed to) and my support team fell apart so to speak. Mum & Aaron were still there, but the loss of the supportive midwife stalled my labour I believe. For my next birth however I'll have a doula, my best friend & Aaron with me the whole time so I'm trusting that it's not going to be an issue again.

The after care was terrible, no if I think honestly it was one midwife that was terrible & nasty to me. Dramas happened & I said I'd never go back to that hospital because of her. The other issue was that the dads had to adhere to the very strict visiting hours so Aaron had to leave at 8pm even though I was in a single room.

Now I'm starting to wonder if it really was all that bad & if I could go back there again for my next birth. It's close to home, the midwife care before Zander was born was great & also during labour. My only two real issues are that one midwife, but not being a first time mum I think I'm more likely to stand up for myself and the other is that Aaron gets kicked out early....... I left on the Wednesday after having Zander by c/s early Sunday morning, so I'm thinking that if I get my VBAC I'd be up & about faster & probably home int eh same amount of time or even less?????

OH I DON'T KNOW!! Is it worth risking having the dodgy midwife again??? Is it going to matter that Aaron has to go home early cos he'd have to be with Zander anyway???

[BellyBelly]

Sarah, if you were happy with everything except that one midwife, then I would give it another go. As you said, you will have great support, and if you have a horrid midwife next time, ask Aaron to go to the midwives desk and ask to be assigned another midwife. I know women who do that and it works out fine. Even ask at the hospital before you go in, say that you are having a VBAC and you would love to be assigned a VBAC friendly midwife if possible...

[katkins]

Sarah, maybe that midwife has moved on and you can specifically request for another midwife to attend you if you do come across her again hon. I'd give it another go....

[Rouge]

It depends you are the best person for knowing what you are like with memories. For me I would be worried about fight or flight as I'm an emotional memory person. And if those memories were triggered I'd worry about that impacting my birth experience. BUT if you're not like that then don't worry, and the other thing to combat that would be a MASSIVE birth debrief or counselling so that it wouldn't happen

*hugs*
Cailin

[BellyBelly]

Sadly it doesn't matter where you go, you can still get a bad midwife - this is a problem with the current maternity system. Women choose Obs and expect them to be there and have continuity of care from them, but they barely see their Obs, and then they have to give birth in a hospital where the midwives are usually all strangers and you get several shifts, and they are the ones who can make or break you - so it's all backwards. Investing in a good private midwife I reckon is the way to go for society! A hospital is not going to give you sub-standard care in an emergency or time of need. Obs will be available... its the midwives who are crucial.

I agree with you Cai on the memory thing - if it's going to be traumatic, don't do it!

[Antheia]

Well my experience was horrible when i had Lily. There were a few nice midwives but the rest i felt like they didnt want to be there. The after care was terrible. I decided not to go back to that hospital for Charlie because i just knew those bad memories would come back to me again and i'd be an emotional wreck qand things probably wouldn't have gone very well. Charlie's labour was a lot longer and probably seemed more difficult to someone watching but with the great care i received(both physically and emotionally) from the other hospital, it was a great experience.

ETA: DH also got to stay over night while my labour had stopped even though he wasn't suppose to stay unless i was in active labour. So they were quite nice about that too. I doubt the other hospital would have allowed that at all because when DH was visiting they pretty much pushed him out the door right on 8pm.

[mrsmac]

I would try and find a more "father friendly" place. When i had Riley all my visitors stayed late heaps of times and DH often came in after 8pm and they were great (I had a single room) When I had Erin in Darwin we had a room with a queensize bed so DH stayed the whole time.

[{sarah}]

I think you're right Cai, I probably would associate bad things to that particular hospital. I've got no idea on other hospitals in the area really LOL! How far distance-wise do you think would be suitable Kelly?

[Trillian]

Also one thing on your side is you are going to have that extra support to get you through too from your Doula and she will help you cope with the bad midwife if you get one. I have no idea about Sydney hospitals, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to look at other options as you might find somewhere else that you would be comfortable in kwim?

[BellyBelly]

Sarah, some people I know travel quite far to get the care or environment they want. How far are your alternatives you are thinking of?

[{sarah}]

Half an hour most of the time but in traffic up to an hour. It's a private hospital that everyone says is brilliant, but I would definitely have to find their stance on VBACs & find an OB as well. I might ask my GP to recommend somewhere as well because I rust his judgement (that & he hates the hospital I had Zander at LOL).

[Trillian]

Don't let distance or time taken to get there put you off, you need to find a place that will support you 100%.

[Berry]

I found everyone at the hospital fantastic apart from one particular midwife who boldly told a story about someone she knew of ending up in a wheelchair after having an epidural (she had an urge to tell me this after I had the epidural inserted), and then she went on and on to my husband about how she hates her job and wants a change, oblivious and uncaring about how I was going in labour. That was 4 and a half years ago so I am guessing she won't be there now.... Don't let one bad experience put you off; you could end up with a really nice midwife this time and, like you said, I think being beyond first-time-mum makes a big difference in that you are more aware of what you are entitled to and what to speak up about.....

[MantaRay]

Sarah, I was going to reply last night but I shut my finger in the car door yesterday and tried to do as little typing as possible. So, I know you have made your decision now and are happy with it, but I'll write anyway.

I think a hospital that does not let the father there whenever he likes has an attitude problem. This time around it won't be as much of an issue as you say, as your DH probably won't be able to spend much time there (same for us second time around). But to me, it it the principle of ther matter. The father is not just your partner, he is also a parent of the baby the same as you and should be allowed to spend as much time with the two of you as he wants, and I would have thought the more the better for first time fathers so that they are learning what to do as well. The hospital I birthed at was not perfect, but DH was welcome there as much as he liked. The saying is "better the devil you know" but in this case I know you can do better and I hope you find somewhere that you really feel comfortable with.