didn't want to tell people about birth details

[2firsttimemum2007]

I found that immediately after giving birth, I didn't feel comfortable telling friends and family details about my birth, particularly that I had episiotomy and tears (quite a few people did specifically ask if I had episiotomy or stitches).

Have others felt uncomfortable sharing this sort of personal info, or is it just me?

[Snacks]

I think it is perfectly understandable! It would depend who I was talking to as to whether I'd feel comfortable sharing something like that, but I guess I was lucky because no one asked me (that I can think of anyway). You are well and truly within your rights to tell someone you don't want to talk about it - it is your body and your experience. Hopefully they will respect that.

[Trillian]

I know women who don't share that part of their birth other than to say, yes they had stitches, and I know women who will share every detail of how many, where they went and what the tear looked like. It's different strokes for differnet folks - just share what you are comfortable with.

Nobody, except ellibugs, shares everything though - how many birth stories have you ever read that say they pooed during pushing? LMAO.

[Ellibam]

i couldnt share mine until i had gone over it a fe times in my head!

sherie perhaps yoou should read my birth story its all there

[fionas]

Personally, I would never ask even a close friend those questions. I'd just how it all went, how are they feeling and leave it up to them to tell me as much or as little as they want to. So as the others have said, just tell people what you're comfortable with and if they push for info just brush them off casually but firmly with a "oh, I don't think you need to know all the gory details." They should get the message.

[suse]

LMAO indeed Sherie!!

I haven't had the birth experience yet, but had the wonderful joy of chronic constipation after the hossy stuck me on iron tablets at about 30 weeks, which, to cut a very long and embarrassing story short, resulted in me having to go into hossy at midnight by ambulance to get the situation... ahem... sorted out. You really don't want to know the details, trust me...

As you might guess, normally I have no issue with telling stories of a TMI nature, but even I cringed when my DP accidentally mentioned to friends that I'd had to go into hospital by ambulance one night and was asked why. I hastily muttered something about it being 'nothing really' and changed the subject.

The moral of the story is - even the most open person will have something that they don't feel comfortable sharing, even with good friends or family (and sometimes especially not to them!). Just because the person you are having a conversation with is comfortable with hearing all of the gory details, it doesn't mean that you have to be comfortable about telling them!

[fionas]

Oh, you poor thing Suse! My DP is the world's biggest chatterbox and he did the ringaround after my birth and told my parents in the UK EVERYTHING. Boy, was I mad with him. Mum LOVES anything medical and also loves exaggerating and I can just hear her telling the neighbours "oh Fiona had ever such a difficult labour you know. Almost killed her. The doctors have told her she's got to have a caesarean next time or she may never walk again." Three months after she still wants to know details and I get really mad!

[suse]

Oh Fiona, I would have strangled him! (Or made him wear a gag). At least mine brought it up unintentionally (we were talking about ambulance response times, as you do, and he brought it up in that context), but he shut up as soon as he realised that he'd put his foot in his mouth! My dad's an ambo and my mum works in a hospital (and I used to), so we are fairly relaxed about most gory details, but there is a limit.

My mum happened to be visiting at the time and was asleep - my partner had to poke her to wake her up to tell her that we were going into hospital - she sat bolt upright thinking that I'd gone into early labour, DP told her not to worry and she rolled over and went straight back to sleep! The next day she asked if everything was OK and pretty much left it at that. Phew...

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

You mean sharing pooing isn't the done thing? I'll have to edit some of my stories, I'm sure it's mentioned in my journal!

I think people want to compare. I know people who if you say "I had a 33 hour labour" say "no you didn't" or "mine was longer" as if we're up for a medal. Or write you off if you have stitches (one midwife) or trouble feeding (the same midwife).

Other people want to gossip - I HATED having someone say "oh yes, I've heard this story" - excuse me, it's not "this story" it is MY BIRTH and WHO DARED to tell you about it before me? (I have 2-3 friends and a mother who are incurable gossips; I hate it but mostly because I like to give out my own news).

I like to know who knows what, I know I have told my sister more than my mother, I haven't said much to SiL because she never asked but -oh, I hate people telling pregnant people the down side to my birth story too - if a pregnant woman asks I give a different story to if someone wants to talk to someone who has been there, done that - I downplay a lot of the troubles for a pregnant person but do warn of the dangers of monitoring, inductions and obstetricians with hands.

[suse]

Caryn, I agree with you on the "I've heard this story" line - it's not some joke that you heard in the pub, it's YOUR story. Even if some blabbermouth has already got there first - wouldn't they want to hear it 'from the horse's mouth' so to speak? How rude... I've read your birth story and anybody who turns down an opportunity to hear it told in person is missing out - it's their loss!

I still simultaneously wince and giggle at the thought of the "Hand of Pain".

[RhiChiChi]

I tell people if they ask and if they are pg, I ask them 'Do you want the sugar coated version or the real deal?' and leave it up to them. I'm one who likes details, but can understand if somebody doesn't want to share. I like to hear all peoples experiences, whether good or bad.