Funny things you said in labour

This is the BEST bump MR ;)

I haven't stopped laughing :rofl:

I am another that always says "OMG IT"S a REAL baby!!!! mmmm

DS7 my DD13 was at his birth - she kept trying to give me a drink through a straw and sticking it up my nostril. I was in deep transition and just couldn't talk. I tried to but the words didnt come out right... Get this straw out! was all I could softly mutter. DH kept asking What? Finally I said get the *&*&ing straw out of my nose! DD13 (was 6 at the time) said Mum it's not okay to use those words....

DD4: I had been mucking around a bit much - enjoying my labour in the pool and had my kids in and out. I asked for the time and was told it was 10.15pm - I said WHAT???!!! I asked to be checked for dilatation - only 7 centimetres. I was devastated. I leaned over the side of the pool and looked into my SIL eyes (she has had no kids but been at 2 of my other births) and said I just have to do this don't I? She looked at me like I had 20 heads and said ... "Well yes Deb...."
Within the next couple of contractions I pushed with everything I had and I felt Evie slide out and felt that massive relief that you feel when that baby is born. I growled in that primal voice that only a woman that's just pushed out a baby uses... "She's out!" DH said, yes Sweety it won't be long now. The Midwife said "you're doing so well"... I said no she's out! The midwife bolted up and said "are you sure" and I said yes as I felt around in the dark (only candles!) for her. The torch light hit her beautiful body as I was bringing her up to take her first breath! Everyone cheered. It was really funny - and a story she loves to hear!

After lasting as long as I could on just the gas, I finally gave in to the pethidene. I told DH that I was going to divorce him so I could marry the pethidene!

With my first i have gas and it wasnt doing much so i threw the tube across the room... I told my DP "I need something" so he asked them for something for pain relief... She comes over picks up the tube and said just keep sucking on this and i was like its not working when she said oh ok i'll turn it up i apparently said "f**k why didnt you turn it up the first time i'm having a freakin baby u know" after 15 mins and contractions every like 30 sec (had my waters broken and made things very hard and fast) i asked for more pain relief so they put pethadine (spl) in the drip and while i was screming during a contraction the MW jabbed me in the leg... i yelled at her that it bloody hurt and she said she thought it would be ok as i would be concentrating on the contractions and i told her" Like i wouldnt notice a needle jabbing my freakin leg" Also i told DP i hated him for making it happen to me. and telling the MW's off oh also my DP tells everyone that when i couldnt push anymore the MW told me they would get the suction so i replyed "good suck the bloody thing out"

My second was very quick (induced with 1 lot of gel and 2 hours later bubs arrived) i was taken up top the labour ward an hour and a 45 mins after the gel with bad contractions me crying begging DP to help me and asking why he wasnt helping. they were puching me so fast ( 8 cm dilated with a show... didnt believe the gel would work so quick) i said slow down or you'kll give the baby a head cold.... the wind was whistling up my gown.... :cryinglaugh: then when we got there i asked for pain relief so they gave me gas and 1st beg suck i said (quite loud i'm told) "F**k this is good stuff"and 3 mins later and 1 push bubs popped out and i didnt even know... (too high from the weird gas.... The gas makes things sound like there echoing.... its hard to descibe but like i said then "good stuf" lol

I love these stories!

Deb - that story is just beautiful!

I don't remember doing anything too hilarious during labour, apart from yelling at poor DH constantly and telling the OB over and over again 'I can't do this, it is NEVER going to come out!', to which he would reply 'Yes, you can' and I would say "NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS!'. I guess he was right in the end!

These are great- I can't believe how much some of you were talking! I was so absorbed by the pain and the process I didn't say much. I remember Kelly having a chuckle when I said thanks every time I passed back the water which I asked for in between pretty much every contraction. Also after I had been pushing for about 2 hours the midwife did one of her quick checks of bubba's heartbeat and said "Baby is fine"- I replied "They are not fine! They're still in there!" and she laughed at me.

we were meant to be having great pizza at our local fave that night, i went into labour at 430 am, with dh father and close friends of ours, and im not sure at which stage i said, "oh i was really looking forward to pizza!"

and also to the midwife who asked did i want to go to the bathroom, i replied " yeah id love to but ill have another freakin contraction " i really said freakin too. pretty good for a potty mouth like me. thought id swear like a trooper, but s#%t was the most serious word i used!

:rofl: These are great! I remember i was saying some pretty crazy things when i was on the gas but i can't remember anything spacific.
I do remember when it came to pushing DS out all i kept thinking was i soo don't want to poo myself. I kept asking the MW is there poo coming out? and I'm so sorry if i poo myslef... is that poo? :cryinglaugh: Of course it was the baby's but i was so paranoid about pooing myself!

with my first 5 all i said was i want to go home now and sure enough they were born within 5 mins but with number 6 i was humming the skipping song from the nightmere on elm street (1,2 freddies comming for you) my dh was very amuzed thgat i was humming this and in between contraction i just kept saying come on sam i cant do this all on my own and asking the midwife if she was sure i would poo myself(sam was a breech birth and they had told me not to worry but i was sure to poo myself from the strain) and now my boy has this chuckle that almost sounds evil and dh says it all my fault for humming freddy while he was being born.

pmsl , i love this thread ..

when the pushing started the MW asked me to put the gas away ... i told her "NO"

half way through the pushing stage , i said " i am sooo over this "

then not too long after that i said " just get her out , use the vacum ... "
then i asked the midwife ( quite abruptly ) to stick her hand up there and pull it out ....

of course " i need to poo " came out every push ...

then just before she was born i yelled : get this F***ing thing out "

then whe she was born (and its on video) i said OMG its a baby ... like der what else would it be ...

While in Labour with DD1 I told DH I was never having sex again. Well obviously I did, now that I am 37 weeks with DD3!!

During labour the midwives were saying "you are coping really well" to which I screamed back "I am not bloody coping, I cant do it!"

At the pushing stage i was saying "just suck her out of me with the vacum cleaner" over and over again.

During the stitching, I screamed with pain and DP told me I wasn't sucking on the gas properly (he had plenty of practise during my labour as I gave it to him to have). Anyway this infuriated me and I said "I am ****ing sucking on the gas properly don't tell me how to ****ing suck on it!!!!" Then I was horrified at what I said and said "I cant believe I just swore in front of my daughter!"
After the whole thing I said to the midwife to go and tell all the other women in the birthing suites that I didn't mean to scream & shout & grown and it wasn't that bad. I also told the midwife that I didn't really mean the part about it not hurting but not to tell them that.

Hehe this thread is hysterical. I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with ds. But for some reason, during labour the thought was so appealing I told the mw "I am only pushing if you promise me I can have a #$@&ing ciggerette when this is over!!" Of course, she promised. And I quite stupidly took her up on the offer.

About 10 minutes after I was stitched i said to ds "Next baby we have, you're filming it". He thought I'd really lost my mind, talking about the next time already.

:rofl: Ali, especially at you swearing in front of your dd....

LMAO! I love this thread!

One in there I did..With my first I had the argument with the middie about having to go do a number 2. "I need to go to the loo" - Middie:"No you don't honey, thats your baby" - Me: "No.. I gotta poo"
So they finally get me back on my back as I had been trying to climb off it to go to the toilet - I am completely wiped out by the gas - it did nothing at all for the pain, but I was like a stoner or something - anyway, they convince me that they should break my waters at long last and I figure what the hell by now, I'm high on gas... and I remember I felt the gush and said "see... told you I needed to go"

With Lyta I had a short midwife with short fingers and she wanted to check how far I was.. But it was tking her ages to find my cervix because its so high and up the back.. she couldnt reach it basically.. "Where do I order a tall skinny midwife?"

And the best for last, I just pushed Harry out and my first words were "Oh thank f*&$ thats over"

:

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"Where do I order a tall skinny midwife?"

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:lol:

I say sorry a lot just after labour. I always get told off for it. "Sorry about the mess." "Sorry about the noise." "Sorry it took me so long to get the placenta out." "Mrs Toomany, you don't need to apologise." "Oh, sorry."

i already knew DS was going to be a boy but i said just as i was starting to push
"it better not be a girl"
i thought that was pretty funny

:rofl: Love this thread!

I wasn't anywhere near as funny ... I just did the 'I've had enough, I'm going home, I'm NOT doing this anymore!'
Pretty sure I was in transition ;)

The only things I remember saying while in labour were telling DH to shut up because he kept asking me if I wanted an epi (he says that he didn't ask very many times but obviously he asked 1 too many times for my liking).

The other funny thing, I was getting an epi (eventually asked for one) and my sister said "this is where I'm going to step out of the room" (she was never very good with needles). I was sucking pretty hard on the gas at that point but I managed to break away and call out "PUSSY!" to her retreating back lol. :lol:

LMAO this thread is hysterical, I am so glad its still going. I didnt end up saying much of anything let alone something funny when in labour with DS, maybe I will have a story to add after the birth of this next baby lol.