thats a good question, i have thought that before too. in my situation i had epi and internal tears with first birth and then had an episiotomy with second (due to scar tissue from first) i dont think i would have torn second time because the pushing stage (and whole labour really) was so different. i WISH i hadnt have torn. i guess i see it as an achievement when i hear other people saying they didnt, i am like wow good on ya. but having said that i dont feel bad about myself or my 'labouring skills' that i did. when people talk to me about not tearing i think some people see it as just a good thing, one less pain they had to go through. some others who put in a lot of effort to avoid tearing during pregnancy would see it as an achievment i think.