Thanks for the replies everyone! Seems like its quite a hard question. I guess all i can do is go into my next labour with a positive attitude and a clear head (i'm using hypnobirthing to try and get over my fears of going through labour again)
I've heard that you're classified as being in real labour when active labour begins but it seems its a little unclear as to when that happens. I know at 6pm i started finding it hard to talk through contractions and they started getting really intense and painful but i didn't reach 4cm dialated untill about 10pm (thats when i asked for the epidural, the thought of having to go through hours of pain to get to 10cm when i was already in excrusiating pain scared the hell outa me!) So i think i was definitly in REAL labour before 4cm. I'd been getting regular contractions since about lunchtime that day so maybe thats when 'real' labour started?? Who knows
Looking back on it now i think with all the intervention my body didn't have a chance to relax and just do what its meant to do. I know relaxing made a BIG difference because when i had the epidural i went from 4cm to birthing my boy in 2hours 45mins. I'm not a fan of epidurals but i think that it gave me a chance to get on top of things. I'm really hoping to use my hypnobirthing this time round and go el natural!
Thanks again for the responses, i'll let you know how long this labour was in a few months!