Testimonial on the power of Goals when it comes to childbirth.
Most people would probably not think of child birth as something that requires an understanding of how to set and achieve goals in your life. But achieving success in any area of life requires an understanding of what it means to set, focus on and pursue a goal, in the face of whatever circumstances or opposition may come your way.
My daughter had to be delivered as a caesarean baby because she was lying in the breech position and the midwives and doctors at the hospital could not deliver her. The reason: the required medical skills were no longer kept up. There was no encouragement to try labour as all the fears of what could go wrong kept being brought up by the doctors and midwives. My husband and I did not have access to the computer nor were we able to find any encouraging and supportive articles or stories on other women who had been successful in delivering a breech baby naturally. So I accepted having a caesarean. My daughter was born and I thank the angels that she is healthy and here.
When I found out I was pregnant with my son, at age 38, I was determined that this time I would take charge and I set a goal to have a natural birth and I made a committed decision, with my husband’s full support, that I was going to stick to my intention and not buckle to any pressure from the medical profession or anyone else.
I now had computer access and the internet and was able to find supporting articles and stories about birthing a baby naturally after having a caesarean. I searched for magazines and books too, but there was not much about VBACs. The only information I could find came sitting in front of the computer searching the internet. I couldn’t just take the stories away and read them at my own leisure, in bed, in a comfy chair in the lounge room, a park, at the beach, because there was just nothing published.
I was amazed to learn the medical profession now considered me as having a “High Risk” pregnancy. But again, I could not give in to fear. My husband stood by me and told me everything would be fine and to just stay calm and keep focused on my goal: a successful natural childbirth and a healthy baby.
During the second and third trimester hospital visits, the midwives were very supportive of a VBAC although they did insist that I would have to be monitored with belts and so slightly restricted with movement, and pointed out that if I went passed my due dates the risk of another caesarean would be raised.
I had to stand my ground on certain tests during the pregnancy too, one of which was the glucose test. I didn’t agree with the way the tests were done and so came up against brick walls basically when I said “no” to the tests. I didn’t agree with fasting all night, then having to go in and drink a 250ml bottle of glucose and sit around for an hour and have blood taken only to then be told that my blood sugar levers were raised. “Well of course they would be raised,” I said, “The glucose drink was the only thing I’d had!”
This wrangling over tests and my refusal to be poked and prodded unless absolutely essential was met with some stern reactions from doctors, so we looked around until we found a more open-minded doctor, one who supported me rather than simply lecturing and criticizing me. “I know what I want!” I told them.
As this was my last pregnancy, I approached it almost with battle flags, on some issues I had to stand my ground, on others I was left alone.
For the last three weeks before EDD, I had been feeling the Braxton Hicks contractions. I had actually never had true labour from the beginning as my first two babies were induced and my daughter was the caesarean. This is why I took the approach that “I'm going into labour no matter what - and that includes going over hospital protocol dates if need be.”
Of course every day I was vigilant that this little guy moved about. When it happened, I had to be stronger than ever. They tried to make me lie down so I could be monitored by machines, but I knew I needed to move, so I made a decision and tore free of their machines. With my husband’s support, we went on without electronic monitoring, relying on my ability to read what I was feeling inside my body as the source of information. And the delivery was word-perfect, a healthy little boy emerging into the world like a gift from above. He was the goal in human form, he was the achievement.
He was a big baby so it was automatically assumed that he had high glucose levels and that he had to be tested for the first three days of his life. This I was very unhappy with and did not agree to, but hospital protocol overrode my decisions. Still it was a minor thing, because I had remained consistent and true to the goal I had set at the start, and my faith and persistence had seen me through.
I absolutely support any woman who feels she has to miss an appointment to avoid being harassed, if she feels she has to, but what I really feel strongly is that she should go armed with the right knowledge and face them anyway. Go armed with a goal, for the goal of what you intend for yourself and your child is the real key to success. Goals are powerful ideas and ideas override the so called facts.
That would start paving the way for more women to feel comfortable about confronting sensitive issues with doctors and Obstetricians and empower them to stand up for their birthing rights without agreeing sheepishly to unnecessary and unwanted medical intervention.
Today, 1 in 3 births are caesarean in Australia. In the U.S, caesareans are also on the increase and are higher than they should be. The skills are being lost because of medical intervention. I cannot grasp how doctors and Obstetricians are just all too willing to allow mothers to have major abdominal surgery, knowing full well the risks are way higher than if a woman was fully supported to give birth naturally. But I do know that a woman who knows how to set goals in her life and go forward, believing in her own potential and the power of her goals, can achieve almost anything.
Way to go, Mrmoo. Your story is inspiring. When did this happen?
I agree with you that you need to be sure of what you want and adamant about standing up for yourself. Many midwives will inwardly cheer when they see a strong, determined woman come in in labour, and will hold the space for you so you can get on and do what you know you can do. But even if you should meet with skeptical or controlling care givers, you need to be so strong and assertive if you don't want to just get carried along by the usual routine.
"They tried to make me lie down so I could be monitored by machines, but I knew I needed to move, so I made a decision and tore free of their machines. With my husband’s support, we went on without electronic monitoring, relying on my ability to read what I was feeling inside my body as the source of information."
I thought this was very significant. I think it is extremely difficult to give birth when you are hindered by the belt and being told to keep still so the machine will work properly - when the thing you most desperately need to do is keep moving so your BODY can work properly! How can anyone give birth if you have the gifts of gravity and mobility taken from you? You got to keep them, and that helped you and the baby stay safe.
I am so angry for you - why should we have to fight so hard just to give birth? Those hospitals get us at our most vunerable and least able to fight back and SHAME on the lot of them. "You're not allowed..." I swear I'm never going to have another antenatal appointment, let alone let a medical person near me next birth! Goals are powerful, yes, but medical bullies can be more so when you're tired, hungry and constantly undermined in your belief that your body was made to give birth.
Ryn, you speak the absolute truth. That's why I'm a homebirther
Great VBAC story but still for me, I don't want to fight for my basic human rights. I feel it's like buying my own goods back of a burglar. I shouldn't have to fight with anyone to get what is mine anyway.
It goes to show however that despite what hospitals would have us believe are laws written in stone, that individual consumers can break through and actually just get what they want from a birthing experience, not what the hospital would like them to have. You did amazingly and you've done such great stuff with it since I thank you!
It really brings home the fact that if a hospital style birth is not what you want, don't go to the hospital. Better alternatives are out there. If lying on a bed attached to monitors is not your idea of birth, stay away from places that routinely do it like that. Vote with your feet.
I admire women with the courage and strength to fight for their right to give birth at the same time that they're trying to give birth. I took the easy way out because I knew I wouldn't be able to do both simultaneously .... I chose homebirth.
Sadly, my choices were taken away from me by my DH - he'd taken leave and was no way going to let me have the unassisted birth I wanted, then was pushing drugs and intervention with the midwives! I managed to fight off pain relief for 29 hours of labour, and fought off the monitor for most of the time in the labour suite, but wished I'd ripped it off when I was trying to push with it on! They refused my demands to have the machine taken off.
This is why I'm not telling anyone, not even DH, about a future pregnancy, just so I can surprise everyone by producing a baby at home. And gaining weight, of course, that may be a bit of a giveaway. I know you were posting for pro-choice, Julie, and I am that, I just get very upset about the fact I gave in at the end and still feel really bad about it all because I just couldn't put any more energy into giving birth, let alone fighting, for the last four hours.
This is so true - goals can make your dreams reality.
Ryn when my DP (at the start of pregnancy) questioned my decision to homebirth i told him i was going to. He said "it's my baby too" i replied, "ok, you carry it and deliver it then, and you can do it your way". My partner doesn't dictate where i have sex, go to the loo, eat, he may not tell me how i deliver my baby. I'll eat what he cooks if HE cooks it.
Needless to say, after reading the true stats etc. on hospital birth he came 100% on side and was a brilliant birth partner on the day.
Bec
Last edited by paradise lost; June 5th, 2007 at 08:53 PM.
Ryn, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you were very strong and courageous in a difficult situation that was not as supportive as it should have been. You did awesome.
If there is a next time, if it's still a given that dh will not be in your corner concerning your birth choices, I hope that you will find just the right doula or support person to be by your side so that you have at least one person in your corner who is there only to serve your purposes and stand with you for your rights and preferences.
Congratulations Mrmoo! Parts of your story echo my own experience. I didn't get any greif for refusing the GD test and most of my antenatal appointments were fine... until i went 'overdue'!! I iwsh now I had been stronger and said no to the monitoring I just HAD to have after my ARM. Thankfully i was not confined to the bed and the leads were long enough to allow me to use the fitball and switch positions when I felt the need too. Whilst in the end I did get my healthy, happy baby boy I have told DH I will be having the next baby at home because there is no way I am going to waste all that precious energy I need for birthing fighting the hospital over an induction.
Testimonial on the power of Goals when it comes to childbirth.
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