Okay i am finally writing this down...

4th of May I woke at 5am with strong period pain which came every 15mins for 1.5hours. Everything stopped so I figured it was a false alarm, wasn't worried as i was booked in for induction at 8pm that night.

Had a shower at 1pm and had a show when i stepped out of shower. Went shopping for a few hours wasn't having regular contractions but every now and then i would bend over, hold my belly and breath, DH was a little concerned, i didn't really pay much attention to it though, by this stage i was a week over due and thought it would never happen.

Went to KFC to grab some tea on the way to hospital, little did i know it would be my last meal as a pregnant woman. Booked into the hospital and had exam at 9pm. I was 2cm dialated but midwife decided to give me some gels anyway. Got strapped to the monitor for 45 mins, was busting for toilet the whole time with increasing period pain, was told by midwife that the pains will go away in a couple of hours and hopefully i would go into labour the next morning. the midwife tried extremely hard to to convince me to take sleeping pills, but there was no way i was going to feel drowsy and gross if i did end up in labour.

11pm was in a lot of pain had to lean over bed and get DH to rub lower back through each contraction, tried to walk between contractions but there was only enough time to walk away fromt he bed then hurry back to get through the next one. I started worrying what real labour was going to be like as this false labour was getting really fast and full on. Midwife gave me Panadiene Forte (what a freakin joke!) i knew it wouldn't do anything but took them anyway.

DH called midwife at 12pm who walked in surprised to see me leaning over bed breathing through contractions. She still didn't think i was in labour. Contraction were coming every 90seconds and lasting 60 seconds. Was on all fours on the bed stepped off bed after contraction and water flowed between my legs! Finally the midwife believed that i was in labour!! She thought that the waters might have been stained so they strapped me to the monitor and wouldn't let me move off the bed. After 3 hours of not being able to move through my contractions i was exhausted and terrified and in extreme pain. I was begging to be let off the bed but the midwives wouldn't let me. During this whole time the baby's heartbeat didn't falter. The midwives told me i wasn't coping and tried to get me to have peth which i refused as i didn't want to feel drowsy. i eventually agreed to gas and an epi. 3:30am the epi was inserted and i was in heaven, could still feel the contractions in my belly and back on one side though. I was 4 cm dialated. 4:30am 8cm dialated

7am my contractions slowed to 10 mins apart so they put me on drip to intesnify contractions as they discovered baby was posterior.

12:45pm midwife did exam and told me to start pushing, i couldn't believe the baby was finally going to come out and i was scared to push. After tthe first push the baby's heart went right down to 20 and took a little while to come back and i thought after all this labour i would have to have a cesear, but his heartbeat came back and didn't falter for the rest of the labour.

After the first hour of pushing i was starting to get the hang of it and was pushing with all my might, but i was using my strength effectively (little did i know, the midwife didn't tell me til the last half hour) so when i worked out how to use my strength to the best of my ability i really gave it my all. Docs kept coming in asking if they could do episoitomy and forceps but thankfully the midwife wouldn't let them anywhere near me!

3:15pm I finally pushed him out, he had the cord wrapped around his neck twice! Everyone kept telling me to look at the baby but i was too exhausted and scared to open my eyes i was just waiting for the next burst of extreme pain. DH cut the cord and they handed me the baby but i tried to push him away at first as all i could think about was the pain. i did hold him though, then they weighed him and forced me to breastfeed him so they could test him for diabetes as he was a very chubby newborn. they stuffed up the test and forced him onto my breast again to re test.

i had a 2nd degree tear which needed "countless" stitches, and found the stitching up to be the most painful part of the whole thing. It took four hours for me to be able to properly stand and hold my weight on my epi legs.

There are a hell of a lot of things i will be doing differently next time, for instance, i will be the boss of my labour not the midwives! Being my first labour and birth though i was very scared as i had no idea what to expect and didn't trust that my body could do it. Now that i know i can labour all by myself (hopefully the next one won't be posterior) and push out by myself so next time i think i will be a lot calmer and have a lot of trust in my body. I will NOT let the midwives tell me that i can't cope, and i will not let them strap me to the bed just cause they don't have time to hold the monitor against my tummy during contractions.

It took me 4 months to stopp shaking at night and crying myself to sleep over a dissappointing and scarey birth experience. However i now realise that i have a healthy baby and i did a wonderful job to push him out, and i realise that 2nd births tend to be a better experience for a majority of mums as they have some idea of what to expect and they are more forceful in getting what they want.


I can't believe it , but i actually can't wait to do it again for the second and final time.