A beautiful, serendipitous series of events led to me birthing at home.
I went off the pill in the December, realising how crazy the hormones were making me and wanting to just let my body do its thing. DF and I agreed to leave things to fate, and if we were to fall pregnant, that would be a beautiful and welcome thing. It didn't take long for it to go from "leaving it to chance" to "why aren't we falling pregnant". I started charting and temping, and realised I was having 50 day cycles. My GP ran a series of tests, and suggested that it was probably my body adjusting to being off the pill, and if things weren't settled by the end of the year, then we could investigate further. She said it was very unlikely that I was ovulating on a 50 day cycle. We turfed the charting and the temping, and just relaxed about the whole thing.
At the beginning of last year, I put a call out to all of the Independent Midwives's in Melbourne, offering free birth photography to their clients in an effort to build my business portfolio in that genre. I received a call in May from a lovely Dad who wanted to book me for the hombirth of his second child in the following few weeks. I met with the family, adored them, and couldn't wait to capture my first homebirth. They got my details from an Independent Midwife, also named Amy, who was very close to the family. After the birth, Amy invited me to attend an information session where I would be able to present my work to a room of their clients, in the hope that I would be able to secure some bookings. The evening went so well - I booked a client, who is now a dear friend, and spent a lot of time chatting with Amy, who had the same of a naturopath who specialised in fertility treatment.
The following day, on a whim, I bought a pregnancy test. It had been about 50 days, and no sign of AF. I tested while on my lunch break at work, and before the control line could even be seen, I had a clear and strong positive. I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it!! After jumping for joy with DF on a Melbourne CBD street corner, I messaged Amy and told her not to worry about the fertility referral, I was pregnant, and I wanted her.
We booked into the birth centre at the Mercy early on, but we were also toying with the idea of homebirth. At our first appointment with Amy, and after asking MANY questions about the risks, we were satisfied that home was just as safe as hospital, provided that I stayed low risk, and we were confident that if anything went wrong, we were in the best set of hands. We cancelled our booking at the Mercy and started planning for a beautiful homebirth. This is how it began
It all started on Sunday 17th March when I realised I was starting to lose my plug. I was just over 39 weeks pregnant. I'd been having strong BH for weeks and had started calling them contractions (ha, I knew NOTHING). I told my mum I'd lost my plug which sent her into an anxiety spin about being so far away (she lives in Singapore where my Dad is an expat) and was not due to arrive in Melbourne until the following Saturday. So in the middle of the night (when me and my dad couldn't stop her!) she rebooked her flight to arrive Tuesday morning. I was worried, thinking I could very well go overdue and she would have come earlier for nothing. We spent Tuesday pacing Knox Westfield shopping centre and I was having strong, tight but painless BH every 20 minutes. I was sure that night would be the night. I got home and made sure everything was ready and messaged my midwife telling her I was certain a baby would be coming that night. I went to bed and fell into a heavy sleep.
I woke at 7am on Wednesday after a full night's sleep and was devastated. I had been so certain. DF was asleep on the couch (I had been snoring) so I took the time to just lay in bed feeling sad and sorry for myself. As if she knew what I was thinking, my midwife wrote me the most beautiful email. I decided to listen to some music and just be. I posted a photo of my blessingway string on Instagram saying "letting go, deep breaths, things will happen exactly as they are meant to" as Claire Bowditch's rendition of Message to my Girl was playing. I closed my eyes and just breathed.
Almost as soon as I was relaxed, at around 8.30am, I felt my first contraction. It started as really deep, dark back pain with seemed to come from somewhere in the centre of my core. The pain radiated around my hips and spread over my belly, the peak hitting me low in my uterus. I wasn't certain at first if this was "it". I started timing them when I had another and within and hour they were every 8 and then 6 minutes apart. I messaged Amy and told her what was happening. She urged me to rest, to leave DF to sleep on the couch as long as possible and suggested when he woke we should go out and have a huge breakfast. After a few more contractions I was having to hang on to the bed head through them. I politely told Amy I was putting my phone away as I couldn't text anymore. When I got up to pee I had to stop and hold onto a wall through a contraction.
DP woke at 10.30am and I told him I thought i was in labour. He rolled his eyes at me! I had thought I was in labour so many times before in the past week, so it was like the boy who cried wolf! Not a minute later he got into bed and hugged me as I groaned through another one. I wanted to get in the shower. I had a quick shower and this is where things start to get a little hazy. I had two contractions in the shower and I wasn't in there for long, all I could think was "I'm not getting any breaks, I'm supposed to get 10 minute breaks". I went into the lounge room in my towel and sat on my fit ball and swayed. I would go from swaying to down on all fours and found I was moaning through contractions. Again, all I could really think was "where are my breaks?" As I was swaying on the fitball my waters broke and I told DF to ring Amy. He said he would text her and I demanded he call. I was losing control as the intensity and frequency of the contractions was overwhelming. I found myself against a wall moaning and I remember DF holding the phone near me so Amy could listen. Chris told me she was getting a sitter and would be with me soon.
When Amy arrived she checked the baby's heart rate and I was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but how painful everything was. My calmbirth that I had been practicing religiously went out the window. I said to Amy "I'm supposed to be getting breaks". By now my contractions were probably about 3 minutes apart. I saw Amy bring her equipment in and could hear the birth pool being filled. I knew at that moment we were in business, but couldn't believe how fast things were happening. Amy called our secondary midwife Helen and asked me if I wanted our birth support Emily to attend. I said yes. Helen and Emily arrived without me noticing, and I'm guessing by now the time would have been around 12pm. I was feeling out of control and was moaning and yelling through contractions. Amy asked me if I wanted to get into the pool. I couldn't get there fast enough.
In the short breaks I was having in between contractions I felt amazing in the water. Things were getting so intense and I told Amy I couldn't do it, it was too crazy. It hurt too much. She told me to remember all the births that I had seen and photographed, and to think what this point meant. I was either in transition or not far off. I felt the need to be sick and promptly power-vomited over the side of the pool - mostly missing the bucket! I laboured away some more and Amy asked me if I wanted to get out and go to the loo. I did and enjoyed the sitting position. I suddenly demanded an exam. I needed to know where I was up to. I felt like I was getting no where, the intensity was too much and I knew that if I was only 3cm that I would need to go to hospital for some pain relief. I couldn't do this naturally. Amy hesitated. I kept asking so we went down to the bedroom. My contractions were so close together, maybe every 2 minutes. There was only a small window where she would be able to check. A few contractions later and I was pretty much begging for the exam (I later found out Amy and DF were hoping I would forget about it!!). Amy asked me what I would do if I was only 3cm. I told her I didn't know. I secretly knew that I would choose to transfer but didn't want to jeopardize the possibility of an exam! Finally Amy did the exam and straight after I had a contraction. I was desperate for it to be over so I would know. I looked from Amy to DF, and they both had straight faces. WELL??! Amy said "well your baby has hair.. You're about 6-7cm". The relief was indescribable. I was actually getting somewhere. Amy suggested i do a lap of the house and i vomited again. I went back out to my fitball and everyone was sitting in the lounge room. I remember them all stopping the conversation and I told them they could still talk. Someone commented that it was freezing (the air con was on) and suddenly everyone left the room except for DF. I found out later Amy was updating Helen and Emily on my progress and couldn't do it while I was there!
Amy came in and suggested I try the pool again. I pretty much fell into it. At some point, it would have been around 2pm, Amy asked if I needed to push. I could feel pressure, so I went with it and instead of moaning through contractions, I pushed into them. It was seriously hard work. I got out of the pool again, wanting to sit on the toilet, and spent a while sitting there pushing. It felt good and more effective to push while sitting. Amy brought in a small esky and looked at me with a wry smile. A couple of days before we had talked about this exact scenario with a labouring woman who needed to put a leg up onto a stool to push and found it near on impossible. I laughed at the story then, and now I understood. How the HELL was I going to lift my leg to have a foot on that esky?! The pressure while having one leg lifted while pushing was INSANE but it was also noticeably different and I could feel it having an effect. I got back in the pool and continued to push. I felt like I was getting nowhere and just wanted to not feel the pain anymore. Amy suggested I lift one leg while pushing and to change legs each time. I would have a contraction and ignore her gaze while NOT lifting my leg and promising afterwards that I would do it for the next one. The short time between pushes was blissful and then I would feel a contraction building and dread having to do it again. But I realised that having my leg up through each contraction was getting me somewhere when I could feel the top of my baby's head.
I then became determined to have this labour done with, and lifted my leg through each contraction after that. His head came further down. I wasn't thinking about anything but the pain and just wanting it to be over with. I had Helen in front of me, keeping me cool with a face washer and a drink. I could hear Amy behind me with the torch, and every time I pushed I would hear it click on, then off when the contraction finished. DF was behind me too, watching the baby's head come down. Emily was taking photos from somewhere (she was so quiet!). I vaguely remember Amy telling DF to move around to where Helen was in front of me, and Helen moving to behind with Amy and the both of them talking quietly. I continued to push.
This is where things changed completely. I knew I was finding this pushing thing really hard. I had been pushing for hours. And Amy told me very calmly that I needed to get out of the pool. My eyes sprung open and I looked around the pool. I was looking for colour to suggested bleeding or something similar. I couldn't see. All I could think was, how on EARTH am I going to get out of the pool, lifting my legs over the side, with half a head coming out of me?! Amy explained that I was having some bleeding and she needed to stop it quickly. I assumed the same position outside the pool as I did in the pool - on my knees leaning over the side of the pool. The bleeding continued and I was asked to move onto my back. The weight of the baby's head stopped the bleeding, and I was instructed to hold my legs with my hands, tuck my chin and push with everything I had. This baby needed to come now. I pushed with all my might and soon felt the "ring of fire" so many people talked about. I yelled for someone to put something cold on it! Soon I could feel the weight of his head as it emerged from my body, and everyone in the room lit up. Someone told me my baby had his eyes open and was looking around. Everyone was amazed. I knew I was so close to this being over, and at that point, that was all I was thinking about.
I gave one more huge push, expecting the shoulders to be the hardest part, and suddenly Amy was saying "Amy pick your baby up". I reached down and pulled him out of me and onto my chest. He let out a big grissly cry, before settling happily into my chest. I couldn't believe he was here. I was so crazed with emotions - most of them exhaustion and residual panic from the entire day. I was so overwhelmed. DF was staring from me to our baby with the proudest face. He was in awe. I was relieved that it was over, and everything else except the perfect little being on my chest was blurred.
I tried for a while to push the placenta out and when it wouldn't come I agreed to a syntocin injection. DF cut our baby's cord and I was given the needle in my thigh. Amy asked a short time later if I was having any cramping, which I wasn't. We moved to the toilet to try and push it out there, while DP took our baby, who was now wrapped up in a blanket. Amy came in and explained to me that the bleeding had come from a tear, and that she would prefer to have it looked at by someone who deals with them everyday. I agreed to transfer to Box Hill hospital to get it looked at, and to deliver my placenta as it didn't seem to be budging. I sat with Helen to try and push some more, and she had DF bring our baby to me for his first breastfeed to see if that would help. The placenta still wouldn't come so we put the transfer plan into action.
Helen dressed our baby while Emily and DF put the Hugabub carrier on him, ready to hang on tight to the baby while in hospital. I had a shower and was able to quickly rinse off before getting dressed. We all headed for Box Hill at around 8pm. Amy and Helen in their cars, and our new little family in ours. This wasn't an emergency requiring an ambulance. The plan would be to go in, get the placenta delivered, get stitched up and get home. The baby was not to be admitted, as he was perfectly healthy.
On arrival I was wheeled straight into a room with DF, baby and Amy and Helen following close. The hospital staff tried to get my placenta to come with me breathing on gas, which did nothing but make me feel spacey. We tried putting the baby to the breast while they pushed and tugged. Eventually I agreed to go down to theatre to have my placenta manually removed and for them to stitch what was a second degree tear. None if this was an ordeal for me. I just wanted it out and for it all to be over. Originally I was supposed to have an epidural and have the procedure done while awake, in the hope I could go home that evening. But once I was down in theatre (and away from my Midwife and DF), they said I would be going under a general anaesthetic. Despited being angry about this, I thought the staff were brilliant. They left DF and the baby well alone, and the focus was on me. They were very respectful. Because I had a general, and manual removal of my placenta, I was to stay in overnight on IV antibiotics.
Finally at 11pm I was reunited with my beautiful man, and our brand new, perfect baby. DF had demanded a room of our own, which we were given and we said goodnight to Amy. My perfect boy slept the entire night, and instead of sleeping I spent the entire night gazing at every inch of him. I studied his face. I fell head over heels in love!
I spent the day in hospital recieving antibiotics and being monitored. I was told I would need to be on IV antibiotics for 24 hours minimum, which would mean another night in hospital. We had been kicked out of our room and were in a share room, so I knew DF wouldn't be able to stay another night. After discussing it with Amy, and having some wonderful midwives at the hospital on my side, once my observations were looking good, I checked myself out of hospital against medical advice, and my little family went home. Amy was there within an hour of us arriving home to check on me, and was back the next morning. I was in the best care. I was grateful for the hospital stay for many reasons - firstly, I needed help. My placenta was never going to come on its own, and I had a second degree tear that required stitches. Secondly, because I was down in theatre for two hours, and spent he night unable to move, DF was given so much time to bond with our son, which will set them up for life. He settles so well with DF, and is easily calmed by him. It's beautiful to see.
Earlier that day in hospital, DF had showed me a video that was recorded as the baby was being born. The sounds I was making took me back to a very dark and scary place. I was really sad to see that the moment I met my baby I didn't have a joyful face, instead I was looking at DF in panic and shock. I spent the next few days feeling so sad about my birth, confused at how even thought I got the birth I wanted, I still felt trauma. It wasn't the calm experience I had planned for. It was scary, dark, chaotic and intense. I couldn't believe how painful it was, and that was something I could never have prepared for. My incredible midwife was there for me in every way I needed. She allowed me to debrief the birth, over and over, she listened and she offered perspective. Only after the birth and after seeing photos did I realised how present DF was throughout the birth. In nearly every photo he is there supporting me. I chose well.
As I wrote this story 9 days later I felt very differently than I did in the first few days. I am so proud of myself. I birthed my baby boy at home, naturally, which ultimately is what I wanted. There were a lot of things that were unexpected - I had a much shorter labour than I anticipated. It came hard and fast and intense. I only got short breaks between contractions from the very beginning. I pushed for four hours. I got a second degree tear. I couldn't birth my baby in water as I had imagined at hoped for. I birthed him on my back. I had a retained placenta. I had to transfer to hospital. I had to go under a general anaesthetic to have my placenta manually removed and to be stitched up. I bonded with my baby in a hospital bed, and not our own as I had envisioned. But despite all of that, I got my homebirth, I birthed a perfectly healthy baby, and I did it naturally!!
It was SO hard. The absolute hardest day of my life. I wanted to give up so many times but I didn't! I am so proud.
I am blessed to have had an incredible midwife who knew exactly what I needed throughout my entire pregnancy, birth and now in my post natal period. She is a beautiful soul who guided me to achieve something I never thought myself capable of. She filled me with confidence from the beginning, and she trusted me to birth my baby safely at home. I can't say enough good things about her, about Helen, Emily and DF - my incredible birth team. They held my space, provided guidance when I needed it, encouraged me throughout, and were all witness to the most extraordinary event in my life.
And finally, I am blessed with a man who I love more than I ever knew possible. We have the most beautiful baby boy and I look forward to the rest of my life with these beautiful men in it. I'm a lucky girl!!
Archer "Archie" Michael was born at 6.35pm after a 10 hour labour weighing 3.45kg, 47cm long and a head circ of 35.5cm. 39+4 weeks gestation.
[[HOMEBIRTH]] The Birth of Archie - 20th March 2013
Congratulations Amy on the arrival of Archie, and your homebirth!
Beautifully written story, and you now sound very "at peace" with how it all unfolded.
Amz - im in tears...you did absolutely amazing...Im so happy your life is so perfect now...you so deserve all the love, joy and happiness in the world. Much love and congrats xxx
Amy, I can relate to many parts of your story. Some parts I want to add your words to my story, cos you wrote it exactly right. I wanted to know where my breaks were too! My placenta also took over 4 hours to come away, but thankfully we were able to manage things at home.
I am glad that you are proud of yourself, you deserve to be.
Congratulations again. Great story! You did a wonderful job! I had a quick labour with my first baby too - 7 hr from first niggle to baby out, and it was INTENSE! But I was at the hospital and had a narcotic shot. You should be very proud of the great job you did bringing that little man into the world!
Wow, Aimz. You're so powerful. Congratulations for birthing your beautiful baby. That is such an honest and reflective story - I really loved reading it. I'm so glad you were well supported by your team and that you were well cared for by the hospital staff too.
It has to be said that having a homebirth is not as the newspapers tell us: women swinging from chandeliers with one arm and one leg as though we just take the birth on a ride. what can be forgotten is that it still a journey, there are peaks and dips, happiness and fear. Like all birth, each birth is different and I absolutely applaud that you were able to write your story so so beautifully and in a way that captures Archie's birth and its uniqueness.
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The Birth of Archie - 20th March 2013
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