Well better late than never. Was harder to write than I thought....maybe I should have put it in the debriefing section.
When we announced we were pregnant to my family at 12 weeks, another, much sadder announcement was made at the same time. My Uncle who is my godfather told us that he had cancer. Between the two of us we made a deal that he would be strong and last the six remaining months at least to see my baby enter the world.
My pregnancy was not the easiest. There were the bleeds at 7, 12 and 24 weeks the threat of delivery at 24 weeks when they thought we had an abruption (turned out to be just as sinister), the constant kidney pain, the hypertension and hypothyroidism discovered at the last minute. Then there was the pregnancy related anxiety. Thankfully we got that sorted before it got too bad.
Other than that, I really enjoyed watching my shape change and my baby develop. Due to the extra issues we got to see Nate more often than we would have if the pregnancy had gone normally, which was lovely.
At 34 weeks we had to have a growth scan to make sure that the kidney troubles were not impeding the baby's growth. Even though I had steadfastly decided not to find out my baby's sex, it was so obvious at this scan that it could hardly be avoided. We also found out that his growth was over three weeks ahead of what it should have been. At 34week gestation, he was estimated to weigh as much as Darcy did at birth! I didn't realise that Darcy had been listening as she was playing quietly, but later when I asked her if she knew what we were having she told me we were having a brother and that his name was Nate. She had picked the names for us at 25weeks when we thought we were going to deliver and we hadn't discussed it since lol.
Keeping it secret proved harder and harder, but the little guy had a name.
With only 3 weeks to go, my uncle was hospitalised with cancer related illnesses. I knew I wouldn't be able to get there to see him, despite my best efforts, and through tears we told my aunt our secret so that she could tell him. Sadly after his short battle with pancreatic and related cancer, Uncle Larry passed away on the 20th February before he ever got to meet Nate. He was holding a photo I had sent him of Cameron and Darcy as he died.
Towards the end of the pregnancy when I knew Nate was going to be quite heavy, and I was a bit over the whole thing, we booked in with the local obstetrician and discussed the options.
I desperately wanted to have the baby choose his own birthday and start labour on my own. I wanted to see if we could actually do it by ourselves.
The obstetrician went over my history and current medical conditions. We decided that since Nate was going to be big, it would be best that I didn't go too far over my due date. A caesarean was booked for the 4th March (day before EDD), but if labour started before then, then we would trial it. That was the 24th February.
The funeral was to be held on the 25th. I felt like nothing was going to happen, and desperately wanted to get to the funeral but the doctors told me I wasn't to travel the 6 hours to Sydney, so after a very quick decision, Cam hopped in the car and headed to Sydney with me assuring him I'd be fine.
At 3pm on the 25th I was biding my time before Darcy had to be picked up from school. I was about to sort some nappies and cut out a baby carrier that I wanted to make when all of a sudden, I felt 'wet'.
A quick check showed it was my waters had broken and I started to worry a bit.
I waited a bit to see if the fluid stopped but after 25minues it hadn't so I rang Cam. The funeral had just finished and he was in a panic. Then I rang two girlfriends and arranged to have Darcy picked up and finally I rang the hospital.
When I got to the hospital, they were insistent that I have a caesarean straight away. I flat out refused. Not until my husband was there at least. Then they decided I could trial a VBAC, but I had to stay there. No way. I had Darcy to worry about.
Finally they let me go home. So we went home, and waited for something - anything to happen. I was to go back to the hospital as soon as Cam got there for a Caesar.
Nothing happened besides a few Braxton Hicks, but they were really low down on my belly. Finally Cam got home at 9.25pm - he really must have pushed it, and off we trotted to the hospital. They decided to wait until morning to see if anything had happened, so poor tired Cam headed home about 11. Nothing happened over night either. Not a single pain or contraction. In hindsight that turned out to be a fantastic thing.
First thing in the morning my specialist Ob was at my bed wanting to know where I had been all night. When they said he wasn't on call and the doctor who was didn't do Caesars, he said, "but I was on call for Kim!" So onto the emergency list we were booked.
Lunchtime they said.
With mixed emotions we waited for the hours to tick over. I was sad I didn't get to see if I could deliver on my own, but I knew my body couldn't deal with much more and was also relieved it would be over soon and I could meet my little guy finally.
When I got to theatre I requested that the screen be dropped so that I could see him being born. They refused. Initially i was annoyed, but I made the choice to let that go as I didn't want to have any negative feelings for his birth. They were also against us taking photos, but my Ob Dr Hawky was more than happy and told us to ignore them.
I chose my spinal drugs with the anaesthetist carefully this time so that I wouldn't be ill or out of it and the whole spinal procedure was casual and over fairly quickly.
As the procedure started they were all chatting away cheerfully when all of a sudden I heard Dr Hawky ask for a paediatrician urgently, then I heard him mention a 'window'. He wanted to show Cameron that my uterus scar had burst and that Nate's head was only being held in by the membranes!! Cameron didn't quite understand how serious this was until the midwife explained it later.....
When they put my little buddha baby over the screen it took me a second to actually realise that he had come from me and was mine!
They told me Nate had ruptured the scar probably when I had bled at 24 weeks. He had been just hanging in there all that time....to know how close I came to losing him is just unreal.
Sadly, even though we had planned a big family, my body can carry no more babies. To have someone else tell you you're finished having children is heart wrenching. I feel like I have failed my family, but at the same time I know how lucky I am to be here and have them all with me.
AW hun, you've failed no one. You've birthed two healthy and living babies - your body is absolutely amazing to have held onto your little one for all that time from 24 weeks! You are a failure to no one and don't let yourself believe that!
Oh Kim . How miraculous that your body managed to hold onto your precious Nate, your story has amazed me! You haven't failed your family at all, you have produced two beautiful children and you give them much love. That's the best you could possibly give them .
I am in tears reading your story Kim, I hadn't realised how bad it was for you. I am so glad Nate was born OK what a miracle baby he is.
Erin still asks after Darcy, you really have an awesome daughter and I am sure Nate is just as special.
Much love to you.
Wow, you were very lucky Kim. He was obviously supposed to be ok, what an amazing story. A little miracle man. Were you in a lot of pain at 24 weeks when you bled?
I'm sorry you have had the decision of having more children taken away from you. It must be heartbreaking.
Oh Kim, it is all so overwhelming. I'm so sorry for the loss of your uncle. I'm sorry about the scare with the rupture and I'm so sorry that you'll not be able to carry more children. But failure you are most certainly not! Your strength is amazing to have come through all you have.
I'm not sure what else to say... I'm sure you still have a lot to process and work through. But I just wanted to let you know that we're here for you while you do. Enjoy your gorgeous little man. xx
An amazing story filled with sadness, excitement and left me amazed, how your body managed to keep Nate safe beyond the odds. I am amazed it wasn't picked up earlier!
I can't believe its taken me this long to find Your and Nates birth story!
It brought tears to my eyes sweet heart.
I almost feel sad that I was so caught up in my own world and didn't know half the drama's you were having during your pregnancy and in life. You are such a strong, inspiring woman who is a great mum!
You have your pigeon pair now. As much as I totally know what you mean about the possibility of more baby's, Nate and Darcy are very lucky to be able to call you Mummy.
Meeting my little mate Nate. (long)
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Kim. What a triumph and a tragedy both at once.
Were you in a lot of pain at 24 weeks when you bled? 
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