Welcoming Annabelle Mary (quite long, grab a cuppa!)
It’s taken me a long time to write this. Every time I go back to add more, I get emotional thinking about the day – about how fantastic DH was, and how beautiful those final moments of the birth were. Then this morning I was rocking DD to sleep, singing along with the radio to her, when “Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga came on. It made me cry! As I sang the words to DD and she started to sleep, I realised why this song has been a favourite of mine – it reminds me of our birth. The three of us – DH, DD & I – were right there during the entire labour, standing on the edge of something wonderful. Those final moments, we leapt together and it truly was glorious.
So it’s given me the motivation to finally finish our story, and to share it with you all here.
The Final Weeks
I cruised along in my pregnancy, so much so that if it wasn’t for my belly and the constant comments I could easily have forgotten I was pregnant! Even so, I was so happy to get to 36 weeks – finished work, hooray!! It was wonderful to get out of there, I needed to give my brain a break and settle in for some relaxation.
So many people predicted I’d go early, that even though I knew first baby’s generally were ‘late’ I got it in my head I wouldn’t have to wait too long. So I got my bags ready, and waited. The phone calls and messages started. By June 1 (3 days before EDD) I was so frustrated I ignored every facebook message and text. My Nana decided baby had to be born that day as it was her birthday. MIL told us it had to be June 12, as that’s her birthday, or June 16 as that’s SIL’s birthday. I quickly decided I’d prefer absolutely any day, other than those! June 4 (EDD) came and went, and the messages got worse. People seemed to honestly believe that we wouldn’t have told them if we’d had the baby, and my parents continually called to give me their schedule to see if they needed to work us in to it. Like I could tell them exactly when the baby would be here, and to plan for it!
On June 6 I went to my final antenatal appointment – we weren’t to have another, as the doctor decided if bubs didn’t come naturally before my next one would be due, I’d be induced anyway. So I was booked in for induction on the night of June 15, when I would be 41w3d pregnant. I still had ages, but really didn’t want to be induced. I was sure something would happen before then, I’d been having Braxton Hicks and just hoped they’d ramp up soon and turn into labour.
I did the grocery shopping on the Friday, which brought on some pretty good cramps that hung around all day. There were more that night, and hung around all day Saturday. I was sure baby would be on her way by the Sunday (and by now didn’t care if that was MIL’s b’day or not!). I kept waking up to cramps Saturday night, and even DH woke up regularly feeling like something would happen. Unfortunately it all died away Sunday morning. Absolutely nothing happened, and I was pretty disappointed. Sunday night different pains started – my left side, bellybutton height, towards my back. Strong pains kept coming and going every 30 to 60 minutes, and it was horrible. I managed about 4 hours sleep, but soon couldn’t handle lying down any longer. I wound up taking Panadol and trying to sleep sitting up with a heat pack on the couch.
By 11, the pains weren’t going away, so I called the hospital. Apparently it sounded muscular, and not baby related since nothing was going on in front. I had a shower to ease the pain, but may have overheated as I was also sick. All in all this was a horrible day. DH was fantastic, and looked after me all day while I napped on and off. At 3, the pains were finally gone! The Braxton Hicks cramps came back, and I started feeling so much better. I just remember thinking that surely labour cannot feel as bad as that excruciating pain in my side – compared to that, the Braxton Hicks felt incredible!
But the day took it out of me. After feeling so crappy and napping all day, I couldn’t sleep that night. I spent the night lying awake wondering why my body couldn’t just do what it was supposed to do, hating the people who were still relentlessly texting, feeling bad that I was keeping DH waiting, and generally feeling like a giant failure. Then at 2:30am the dog started snoring. I couldn’t handle it anymore, and burst into tears. This woke up DH, so I poured out every stupid little thing to him, knowing I would only get a maximum 3 hours sleep before he had to get up to go to work. Somehow he managed to get me to sleep. The next day I was still emotional – I realised that the next night I would be going to hospital to be induced. On the one hand I was excited to know that by Thursday I’d have my baby, but I still felt like a failure.
Wednesday June 15 finally arrived, and I was so excited – my baby was coming! DH went to work for a half day, and I finally relaxed and realised this induction was actually good – I cleaned the house entirely and by the time 7pm came and we went to hospital I was well and truly prepared.
The Birth
We arrived at the hospital at 7pm, with the Dr due to insert gels at 8. We got all our admission out of the way, and started CTG which showed I was actually having minor tightenings that I couldn’t feel. A belly check determined bubs was still high – she had never engaged or even seemed to come close – and was slightly posterior. This was frustrating as she’d been anterior at most of our appointments, and I had been feeling pressure down low which I’d hoped was a sign that she’d moved down. DH and I had worried for a few weeks that she hadn’t engaged because the cord was around her neck and stopping her from moving, but obviously we couldn’t be sure.
So the Dr came in at 8 – internal showed no change, cervix was at the back, not very favourable and baby position wasn’t good. Gels went in and 30 second contractions starting coming around every 7 minutes, but still pretty irregular and very mild. The plan was to get a good night’s sleep, have another internal in the morning. If looking good, rupture membranes, otherwise more gels. Due to bubs position he wasn’t confident this would work, so went through every scenario for the following day, including c-section if things didn’t go to plan. I was so unimpressed at him bringing this up so early, as he knew how much I wanted to avoid it.
I woke the next morning at 4:15 to more uncomfortable contractions. I couldn’t really sleep through them, I was too excited! So at 5:30am, there I was sitting up in bed munching on an apple, playing solitaire on my phone and thinking “So this is how I start the day I have my baby!” It finally got to a reasonable hour to shower, I called DH to wake him up to come in, and at 8 went for our next check. It was bad news – nothing had happened. No change at all! Dr was pretty concerned, but inserted more gels and CTG did show the contractions were stronger than the night before. After monitoring we took off to wait for things to hopefully pick up.
We tried a lot of walking, but as things became more uncomfortable this became hard. I’d walk for 10-15 minutes, then rest for 5-10 and repeat. Our next check with the Dr was due at 12, and by this point I had vomited once, had a heat pack for the contractions and they were very uncomfortable. I knew I needed to be upright, but the only way I was comfortable or could relax was to lay on my right side. I had my eyes closed and breathed through each contraction, but couldn’t handle walking or being on the fit ball for too long anymore, most of the time I was on the bed. DH was fantastic, he got me water and rubbed my back, which felt amazing, changed my heat pack for me and was just generally there doing what he could.
The check at 12 showed bubs had descended slightly, but was still posterior, and the cervix had moved slightly forward and dilated to 3cm. Still couldn’t rupture the membranes, which had been the plan. So the Dr was still concerned things weren’t progressing well, and brought up all our options again. We could wait and see, as things were picking up – stronger contractions and a moving cervix, we could do a third set of gels (he wasn’t keen though) or go straight to c-section. We opted to wait, things were happening afterall, just slowly! So he put in a cannula to draw blood and give Maxxalon. I’m a big needle-phobe, so thought this was horrible – I let out a big “OOOWWW” when he put it in, and now I can’t believe I thought that was bad!
Next check was going to be between 5 & 6 that night. So we went for a walk around the block – I was sick half way and contractions got worse. I got some Maxxalon when we got back and tried the fit ball, but still no good. I wound up back on the bed with the heat pack. Things were getting really uncomfortable, but I couldn’t move. I was sick a few more times, and quietly groaned through the contractions. This part seemed to last forever. By 2 I was in a fair bit of pain, and all I could do was lay there with my eyes closed and groan through the contractions. I remember Ready Steady Cook came on the TV, and I hate that show! I wanted to ask someone to turn it over, but was too much in my own world to put the words together and speak. I just drifted in and out, concentrating on the contractions. The show was almost over when I started to think I couldn’t do it anymore, and DH asked if I should ask to use the gas. I began to tell him I can’t do this until 5 (it was now 2:55), we need to do something else, when my waters broke! I couldn’t believe it, and DH ran and got the midwife.
She came in and told me we need to go across the hall to delivery, and as the pain was bad they’d set up the gas. I thought “Ok, someone carry me or wheel this bed over!” But I cracked my eyes open and there she was, looking at me and expecting me to walk. I made it over the hall, pants came off and I absolutely flooded the floor, then went into shock. I was shaking uncontrollably, it was a weird feeling seeing as I wasn’t cold. Up on the bed for CTG and got covered with warm blankets, and they wanted me on my back – that was horrible, I still only wanted to be on my right. Internal showed I was 4cm, and baby was finally descended! But I was so disappointed to only be 4cm, I felt I couldn’t handle much more – not if this was going to be 1 cm an hour for 6 hours.
I was given the gas, but it was horrible. I didn’t like it, but wouldn’t let them take it from me – I had to hold that mouthpiece! It did at least do something for the shock, I finally stopped shaking. The Dr came in, and everyone was concerned. The CTG showed bubs was in distress with the contractions. They were very strong, and the heartrate was very low and kept getting lost. They tried to put a scalp clip on bubs, which I wasn’t asked about and didn’t want – it kept coming off anyway, so DH told the Dr we don’t want him to keep trying, and they went back to worring about the low heartrate. By now I’d had enough and thought “stuff it, I’m getting comfortable”. I rolled over, the midwife re-positioned the CTG and immediately found bubs heartrate. Turns out that all that time, they were on mine! No wonder they were worried, mine was around 80 compared to bubs’ 145. This conviced them to let me stay comfortable.
While the Dr had been trying to put on the scalp clip, I was in pain. I couldn’t take the gas, and
was offered fentanyl. Prior to this, I had been adamant about how this would go – I’d be active, walking, on the ball, on my knees or standing, and no drugs other than gas. DH whispered in my ear reminding me, but I said I needed something. Things weren’t going to plan and I began to wonder how long I’d hold out before asking to change to a c-section. I felt like a failure for thinking this. I couldn’t do this actively the way I’d wanted, the contractions were not what I’d imagined. The Dr was still wanting to prepare for a c-section and apparently was certain it would happen but left us to see how things would progress. So, I accepted the fentanyl. After this had been administered, I rolled over.
It turns out this was a good thing. Shortly after this, I started to cramp up at the end of each contraction. The midwife asked if I felt like pushing – I said “I don’t know, it’s just doing it!” Honestly I felt like I needed to poo, but was in no way getting up to the bathroom. It kept happening, she asked if I felt pressure in my backside and when I said yes, did an internal. She couldn’t believe it when she found I was fully dilated and the head was moving down! Called the Dr again to let him know, and it took a bit to convince him I was actually ready to push lol. The fentanyl had dulled the contractions so I hadn’t made a sound, and nobody believed things could have moved so fast. Apparently the combination of fentanyl and rolling over had helped bubs turn anterior, she finally tucked her chin in, and moved down which helped dilation speed up.
I was on my back still from the internal, and the pushing was getting stronger, so I was instructed to hold behind my knees, pull my legs up and put my head down to push with each contraction. I knew this wasn’t ideal for pushing but couldn’t have moved if I tried. The whole time DH was right there, telling me how fantastic I was, putting lip balm on my lips, holding a cool facewasher on my forehead. As I’d had my eyes closed the whole time I never saw him or how he was handling things – every now and then I heard him move away and blow his nose – turns out he was getting emotional seeing me in pain, and then getting emotional seeing me push her out.
DH reckons when I was pushing my face went beyond purple, and I found muscles in my arms no one would believe I had – apparently they bulged up and got veiny lol. He said I was like a little black muscly ball lol. The student midwife couldn’t believe how quiet I was being – I groaned through each contraction and rested completely in between – it felt so good to be doing something with each contraction, this was easily the best part of the labour. But apparently she swore and yelled through all three of her labours, and this was the first she’d attended as a student midwife and couldn’t believe it lol.
The pushing did take a while, we went slowly. It took a while to get her around the ‘S-bend’ but she got a little further each time. It was very quiet in the room, nothing but a few whispered words of encouragement from the midwives and DH, and every now and then some moaning from me. After each push they’d tell me how baby was moving down, that they could see her head, that she was nearly here. This is the part I feel the song relates to. We were all so in the moment, it was all quite relaxed but at the same time there was a lot of excitement and anticipation in the air. When she finally crowned, I relaxed completely, and one more push and there was her head. I couldn’t believe it, I felt incredible. DH cried some more.
We were then told we were right, the cord was around her neck. I was asked not to push, to just ‘pant through the contraction’. I could have slapped the midwife who said that, and had a few choice words running through my mind for her! I just said ‘I can’t!’ my body was just doing it all on it’s own. Thankfully they got the cord off quickly, and she slid out immediately. I finally swore – loudly! – the feeling was just so incredible! The entire room burst out laughing that I’d been so quiet through the labour and finally had let it all out.
She went straight onto my chest, there were tears all around, she was just so gorgeous. Unfortunately things didn’t go to plan here – no one had bothered with my birth plan. Without being asked the cord was cut (I wanted it to stop pulsing first) and I was given a shot in the thigh for the placenta (I wanted to do this naturally). When he saw this DH told them, but it was too late by then. The placenta was birthed easily anyway, and the midwife told me there were no tears (hooray!).
As the cord had been around DD’s neck on the way out she didn’t get all the mucous out of her chest and wasn’t breathing, so she was taken to the table for a minute of oxygen. They brought her straight back for skin-to-skin, and she stayed on my chest for over an hour, where she learnt to latch on by herself, and stayed there feeding. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever done, and we have gone from strength to strength ever since.
So there she was, our beautiful Annabelle Mary. She weighed in at 4.24kgs (9lb5.5oz), 53cm long, 36.5cm HC, agpars 9 & 10.
thanks for sharing kaytee, lovely story. sorry to hear about the issues at the start and the negative doctor. glad that after the fentanyl you could relax a bit and that it all sped up from there. you did an amazing job and now have a beautiful daughter to show for it. so get your feelings on a few of the moments in labour. thanks again for sharing your beautiful story.
Thank you so much everyone It felt fantastic to write it all down and remember it all - even the not so great moments
The whole labour and birth process made me feel so wonderful, like if I could come through it and birth her naturally when no one else except DH believed I could, then I can do anything. It's also made me so certain that next time I'll be prepared, I'll know exactly what I can do and hopefully it will be even better
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Welcoming Annabelle Mary (quite long, grab a cuppa!)
Well done! Thanks for sharing.
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