Advice that my friend received from a parenting helpline.....

[Shanti]

My friend told me today that she rang a parenting helpline, which I will just name as "T" as I am too scared to mention their actual name but I'm sure most of you will know who I mean?

Anyway, the advice she received from them is about her (just) 4 month old baby girl. She rang saying she has been up every 3hrs at night feeding (she breastfeeds) and it's exhausting her and they told her that a baby at this age doesn't need any feeds between 10pm and 6am....... that's 8 hours!!!?!??!! I can't believe she was given that advice. I've told her to ring ABA before but she's not really interested in their advice and trusts these 'parenting experts' hotline I guess.

I gently recommended she take their advice with a grain of salt and still do what she feels is best for her little girl....I recommended increasing her day feeds for a start and letting her cluster feed in the evenings before bedtime......I told her that at that age my little girl still needed (at least) 1 feed overnight.

I am just a bit shocked that these people give out such advice to parents????? What about growth spurts etc?????

[Heaven]

Oh my gosh! That makes me angry!! As if! Maybe for some babies yes but this baby is obviously waking up for a reason and is probably hungry! My DD fed every 3 yrs EVERY night until around 14 months!! Wonder what they'd say about that!

[Shanti]

Yeah I know, it makes me so angry that they can dish out advice so easily like that....I was lucky that at that age DD was only having 1 (sometimes 2) feeds between that period after a dream feed, she was pretty good! But again, every baby is different! How on earth can they just 'generalise' advice like that to mothers.....it's so wrong.

What worries me is that my friend believes what they say!!! She is a wonderful Mum but wants her sleep back.....(don't we all!) but I told her it won't be forever.

[Bathsheba]

I wonder why she doesn't trust the ABA advice? is it a case of her not wanting to hear certain advice?

Would she trust a good book?

[MummaSue]

Oh no. I hope that she has the strength to listen to her baby, her instincts and not that advice!

[Lady-bug]

That makes me feel sick! Is there any chance you could email her some info from ABA, then she can read it in her own time and maybe she will take it on board. My DS was still feeding every 2hrs around the clock at that age, wonder what they'd think of that!

[Erin_25]

It is sad really when this type of advice is given out, especially since if she is exhausted she is prob willing to listen to what the professionals say.....or supposed professionals LOL! I feel sorry for those who cant handle some things with new babys, like constant wake ups and then they feel they have to take the advice of the health nurse or so on............I had my Health nurse tell me to wake my DS up before 3 every arvo and give lots of meat to eat and stop BF at 8 months and he would sleep better....WTF. Almost 12months on we are still feeding and only waking twice at night. As for waking every 3hrs, perhaps get here to read up on some other sleep problems, she sounds lucky to me - I've been up every 1-2hrs for almost 12months.

[Jennifer13]

Maybe direct your friend to BB, suggest she ask her question and see if other Mums had any advice to give her to help her get more rest? Instead of coming across negatively about the whole cutting back on bfs thing. to that btw. I have no idea why the idea of getting up to a baby upsets some people so much. It's a BABY! They are supposed to wake up.

[onthefly]

Wow, so what did they suggest she do with a hungry/thirsty baby through the night...? Just ignore her?
My guess is that she doesn't want to hear that it's normal, or how best to work around it, but to hear "this is how to solve this 'problem'"

[Visitor7]

oh wow! All babies are so different, some require milk overnight, others don't. But like marcellus has said, what is she suppose to do, ignore her DD until she falls asleep, or worse even, vomits everywhere from being so upset? How horrible. I really hope your friend can seek advice from other, more reliable, sources.

[Barb Glare]

I despair of a society that has no time for babies. It seems that they are just waaay too inconvenient for us these days. They are messy and require our attention *all the time*. We have much more important things to do than to spend time raising children. I wonder how that will go for us when we are old? And rely upon their patience and care. Will they have empathy for us when we showed none for them as babies? I've been there and there were days and nights when I felt I barely coped - just like all young mums do. But it really doesn't last forever. And while it does mothers need genuine supprt and empathy, not to be encouraged to disconnect from their child's needs.

[onthefly]

Well said Barb, that's so true.

[angelaartsstudent]

Sadly, I am not surprised she recieved that 'advice'. Underfunded + undertrained = no matter how much you 'know', you might not be right.

[misty]

Personally I would be ringing up the 'help'line myself and putting in a complaint as a concerned friend. It could be that this person advised this of her own bat, but it may not be the 'company' line (IYKWIM?) in which case they need to know that one of their employees is giving out this kind of crappy advice.

[MantaRay]

I think it's very sad too that this advice is being given out, and as Barb said, that society as a whole seems to expect babies to just "fit in" and if they don't then we need to "fix" them. Sleep training, restricting feeds etc all go totally against nature and a baby's physiology. Really society should be bending over backwards to help and support tired parents raise their babies and allow the mum to just be a mum to her baby.

In your friend's case Shanti, I suspect that she chose that line to ring because she knew what she wanted to hear. This is why she didn't ring the ABA and doesn't want to. This happens and unfortunately you can't do much but support your friend in her choices. I know it's hard for you hun but your friend is lucky to have you caring for her

[kelebek]

if this is the "T" helpline who also has a unit in NSW then I am not surprised they have given this advice even for such a young baby. My experience with these sorts of lines is that they expect babies to be in a routine, they tend to generalise what should be happening with babies.

[CoNNiE_Melb]

Not wanting to throw a spanner in the works, but at 3 months my son would go from 11pm - 7am without a feed... having said that, every baby is different and the priority is to do what is right for the baby.

[Shanti]

What's really crap too is that my friend also waited on hold for this advice for 45mins!!!

I have reassurred my friend it's totally normal for her to be waking this often at this age and that it will pass as she gets older. What more can I say? It's a hard one.

Connie - that's great your baby can go that long without any milk feeds but for most babies, they can't last this long.