I plan on breast feeding little spud when she arrives and i have my breast feeding class next week, as well as an appointment with a post natal midwife to teach me to express early so that i have stores for her because of my GD.
So laying in bed last night, chatting to DH and it came up about BFing in public, which he is against. So my question was why? He says he cant explain why, he just doesnt think its appropriate. So my next question was would he expect me to feed his daughter in a toilet then? He said no, just would need to be discreet. So would a blanket over her and me suffice? Nope its not proper decorum. He then said it would depend on the situation and if i could perhaps turn from the table. He also feels there are too many sickos in the world that might have weird thoughts about BFing mothers.
While i will obviously respect my DH's wishes, i was taken a bit by surprise. For me its never bothered my seeing a woman feeding her child, but then i am a woman. Has anyone else had this raised by their partners? What is your solution? How do you go feeding in public when the little ones NEED a feed?
DH had similar thoughts when we discussed this the other day. I never breastfed DD (well, I did for a week).
And I plan on BFing this bub.
I said that I don't care what people think about breastfeeding in public, it's my body and my baby. They can't see anything unless they're looking for it.
He says that I need to cover up (alot!) while feeding in public.
It'll be interesting to see what happens when my bub turns up.
It's a woman's right to breastfeed wherever she wants.
Honestly, I feed whenever and where ever I need to. Im not one to worry about what other people think about b/feeding because well lets face it, its natural. And if they have a problem with it then its their problem not my job to make them feel better.
But if you feel the need, or if it would make you feel more comfortable, put a wrap over your shoulder, you can buy breastfeeding wraps which ahve a sling that goes over your head and covers bub and all
Honestly Dh doesnt care about where or when I feed so long as I am comfortable. Although if someone does look at me funny when feeding, dh has a tenacy to say something to them about it.
My partner was the same. He wasnt sure about it in public and to be honest neither was I.
Then our baby girl arrived.
When she was hungry, I fed her. I didnt care who was looking and DP didnt seem to either (We had a few awkward moments when OTHER people were uncomfortable and DP didnt know what to do though) I think it realy depends on where you are when baby is demanding that feed you know? Some places are fine, and others you may need to find a more appropriate spot you know?
I fed DD in a pub, while a bunch of guys watched a football game. I think she was about one month old? I also would take her off into a quiet space though, once she got older and would pull off the boob to look around... leaving my boobs out in the air for way more time than was comfortable
My ex had a problem with it. But I only did/do it out in the open if I feel comfortable anyway. He did get over it & would tell me to ignore anyone who had a problem with it.
It was more a male thing for him. He didn't want other blokes seeing his wifes boobs. He was ok when it was family or close friends though.
I use to wear 2 tops. One would go up & the other down, but I don't bother now, & haven't since DS was little 4 years ago. It was something we both just got used to. After a while he started joking that half the state had seen my boobs & was alot more relaxed about it once he realised that it wasn't as out there & obvious as he thought it would be
Oh and I never used a wrap or blanket either. It would distract DD and make her fussy. I just wore tops I could easily pull aside so really the only bit that was "out" was the bit Tiah had in her mouth
I was very nervous at the thought of breastfeeding in public when pregnant with DD1, but found when she came along that I had no concerns at all. Hungry baby so sit down, whip a boob out and away we go. I had bought wraps to cover us but never used them - too uncoordinated to get everybody happy and covered, and honestly just didn't care.
DH stayed uncomfortable with it for a while. While he was very supportive of me bfing, he still had a bit of that "that's my woman's breast and I don't want anyone else looking at it" kind of thing going on I think. He would try to put a muslin wrap or something similar over us but DD1 always wriggled it off. He did get better as he became more used to it, and by the time DD2 came along I'm not sure he even noticed any more when I was feeding in public so maybe give your DH a bit of time to get used to the idea. You may find that when he sees just how little exposure bfing causes he relaxes about it.
It's a common anxiety for many mums!
My suggestion - try not to think about it as BREASTfeeding (because all the emphasis goes on the breast), but instead just think about it as feeding your baby. At the end of the day, that's what you're doing and why shouldn't you?
With DS, I was so worried that a) people might see my big flabby belly (singlets helped) and b) everyone would see that I didn't know what I was doing.
Perhaps the breastfeeding class will help your DH gain a different perspective? Do you have many friends/family with little babies - or perhaps could you get along to an ABA meeting where he'd get more exposure to breastfeeding. Sometimes it's just so 'alien' to many as they're really accustomed to bottle feeding and see breasts as sexual.
It sounds like you're doing lots to prepare yourself for life with a new baby - that should give you a bit of a head start. Hope all goes well for you!
My DH had this problem for a while, he always used to say "cover up they're looking" "let's go to the parents room" and stuff like that. One day I got jack of it and said "are you checking tits out when you see other women breastfeeding? And did you when you were a teenager?" he looked at me for a moment and slowly said "nooo it's never crossed my mind" and he's never mentioned it since!
I fed in public all the time. I tried to use a cover with DS but gave up very quickly & didn't bother at all with DD. No-one ever said anything to me. My mother was the only person who had an issue with it. She tried to cover me up while we were in a dr's waiting room. Apparently she thought I might offend the oldies. I carried my DD into the dr's office still feeding. He thought it was great! DH supported me all the way. Even my Grandma thought it was great. She proudly told me how she'd BF 9 kids & not one of them ever had a bottle.
Tell your DH he's being stupid & feed wherever you want.
Wow, I didn't realise it was so common for part era to think like that. Honestly, if DH ever said anything like that to me, I'd tell him he was an idiot. DH has always supported and facilitated me feeding in public. Yes, those are boobs that are attached to his wife, but they're also feeding his baby. I have loads of pictures of DH and I posing in various public places while I feed DD; trams, restaurants, waiting rooms, buses, galleries...everywhere. My mum tried the whole 'try to be discreet' line with me and I found it totally insulting. I'm not doing anything to be ashamed of, so I'm going to go about it as normal. People don't go around telling ****ty girls to cover up and be more discreet, or go into shops asking that their overtly sexual advertising be more discreet. I find the notion of having to practice 'discretion' while feeding my baby so backwards. I refuse to sit in a corner and hide, and I've always had nothing but smiles and nice comments from men and women when I breastfeed. I'll still use a parents room if I'm close by and it's a nice one, but meh, DH and I are not hiding away eating our meals, DD hasn't either (except once I covered her with a blankie, when we were at a bright load Japanese restaurant and she was too distracted to eat).
DH had no issue with it, if anything his only problem was not being patient enough for bubs to get in a decent feed (he was always in a rush). DH is can also be scary looking, so I think anyone would have been too afraid to try and perve on me whilst feeding.
I was so so lucky with DH, his family is very conservative but his mum is a lactation consultant. If he ever had any issues with it he knew better to voice anything but to my knowledge he didn't. There have always been situations where I would move to feed somewhere else, but always more for comfort than anything else.
I've said to a friend previously that honestly, you'd see more flesh walking through the entertainment precinct on a Friday night than what gets exposed while feeding a baby. Usually it's just a little bit of boob and a baby's head in the way of the rest. DH was sort of bothered at first but soon got used to seeing it as just feeding our baby rather than flashing my boobs.
There is also part of me that thinks that those breastfeeding covers and blankets and such actually draw attention more than anything because they're fiddly and awkward, emphasising the fact you're trying to hide something. Mind you, I'm another one who'd just settled down to feed at the Dr's surgery while waiting only to be called nearly straight away - so stood up and walked in, still feeding DS. My Dr gave me the hugest grin when he saw it
DH had issues with me BF in public and many times told me it wasn't approriate to feed where I was, I got ****ty with him many times over it and told him it was my right and Law to BF where ever I wanted or needed too. I have BF all over the place shopping centres, markets, kids concerts, zoo, aquarium, train, bus at weribee zoo safari, weddings, wedding receptions, the list goes on and on.
This is your DH's issue, not yours and certainly not your baby's. It is not always practical to 'be discrete' while bfing (baby hates being covered, you need to get attachment right, can't have anything pressing on your bb, etc). Parents rooms often stink worse than toilets, so you'll rarely catch me in there to bf.
He will see how important it is that you and bub are comfortable first, but you might need to talk to him more about this. Your DH's support is crucial for you to bf successfully. It might be worthwhile joining the ABA to hook up with your local group for a pg session on bfing and to hear their suggestions too.
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Breast Feeding in Public
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