DS weaned himself at 13 months. Right about the time I got pregnant - we figured this out afterwards. He just stopped. Would scream the house down if I tried to offer it, so I thought he must be off it for teething or something, so I thought I would let him tell me when he wanted again. He never did, never nuzzled or anything.
The month before I was talking to my MCHN who is also an LC about the possibility of weaning as I had returned to work and it would be more convenient, a work colleague was making my life difficult blah blah blah. I hadn't made a decision, just wanted to discuss it. She started off by making sure I was aware that the WHO guidelines suggest 2+ years and that I wouldn't make the decision based on work colleague (hell no, that would make me want to keep it up much longer!!).
She then went on to ask me if he ever sucks for comfort, or would fall asleep at the breast. He never had, he was always all business, get on, feed, get off. She told me that in her experience babies that don't suck for comfort in any way and eat solids well usually self-wean by about 15 months. That was only another few months away and that made me feel good about continuing.
I was wondering if in BB'ers experiences if it is a)true and b)helpful to mothers thinking of weaning their baby earlier. I also wonder if it is the babies that don't suck for comfort that have mothers that think about weaning earlier, because the bond is all about nutrition for little one, not comforting snuggles?
This is an interesting question.
I think very few people in Australia have ever seen "normal" weaning. Weaning is so would up in cultural beliefs and expectations.
The normal age of weaning is believed to be between the ages of 2.5yrs and 7 years (See Kathy Dettwyler's research) Yet less than 2% of Australian children make it to the WHO recommended 2 years.
In my own case: I was going to breastfeed Zac (now 16!) for 6mnths "if I could". I genuinely thought that would be a pretty normal age to stop breastfeeding if I could.
We had our struggles. By 10mnths, (I was working full time from when he was 6mnths) Zac seemed to prefer the bottle. He would feed for minutes - reluctantly, once or twice a day. I was well over expressing. I went to my health nurse and told her I felt he was weaning, and I was ready to stop too. She gave me the biggest gift. She encouraged me to keep going til he was 12mnths old, but suggested I stop expressing and bottle feeding as he didn't need it. I did this. Breastfeeding barely ticked along, and I fully planned to wean him at 12mnths. Then, I don't remember how or when, he got "more into it" and I breastfed him until he was four and a half years old.
Interestingly, a close friend at the time took a different view. She was outraged at the health nurses's comments, saying she should have supported me when I said I wanted to wean. How could she make me feel guilty about wanting to stop. Maybe that health nurse saw, under the exhaustion and stress that I really didn't want to stop - and neither did he.
Our culture also has an amazing ignorance of normal baby behaviour. Babies aren't born knowing there are bottles out there in the big wide world. We give them bottles - a completely different experience for a baby than a breast. Even mothers of very young (weeks old) babies will sometimes say to me "he weaned himself - he wanted the bottle, not me) Babies are designed to breastfeed. If they can't, it's because there is something that is making it a difficult experience for them - not because they won't. With older babies, often, they can "feed on the go". for the boob they have to turn to mum, put life on hold for a bit and feed. With a bottle they can turn their head and it just goes with them. This behaviour seems normal to us. Babies seem, in our culture to come in a package with bottles. Drinking milk from a bottle can be an easier way for a toddler to get a full tummy than eating the real, healthy, solid food they need at that age - so children "fill up" with milk instead of eating meat, fruit and vegetables that they need.
We don't (by and large) know what breastfeeding toddlers would normally do. Is one feed enough for them? or 10? Or more? I am even asked (very frequently) whether if a mother doesn't wean by a certain age will their child *ever wean* (yes!)
My children have all breastfed for a biologically normal timespan. Zac is 16 - and I have breastfed all that time, pretty much!
Jazz nurses for comfort, and is still going strong at 17 months. Her 'feeds' are not much more than comfort sucks except for first thing in the morning, mid-afternoon, and before bed. If she feeds more than that, its mostly a minute or two 'comfort'. Maybe I am a 'lazy' parent (I mean that affectionately not offensively) in that I don't fight her off when she comes for comfort (within reason, I don't let her go for it every hour LOL!). She always seems to want to nurse as soon as we cuddle, she's obsessed hahahahaha.
I'd be interested in also knowing if those babies who don't nurse for comfort use/used a dummy? Jazz has never taken a dummy, she's always come to me for that need. I wonder if theres a link with dummies, or if its just individual need?
Interesting point Leasha - is the dummy linked to the lack of comfort thing? Jett does have a dummy and I suppose the reason we gave him that dummy was because I wasn't prepared to be a human dummy. Especially because in the beginning that meant putting a nipple shield on to get a proper attachment and those things can be hard to keep in place! And I needed it for about 3 months due to my flattish nipples and his small mouth!!
But our BF relationship was quite rocky for about 6 months because of the first few being related to the nipple shield, and then supply went up and down all over the place. It only clicked in to place once he started solids. Then everything was fine (apart from the odd teething hiccup) until he just refused point blank when I got pregnant.
Barb - thanks for sharing your story. Jett never had formula - we tried it twice and both times he barely drank any and then was up all night. We only tried that around the 12 month mark so I wasn't surprised. We had done the occasional EBM in a bottle but he was refusing that from about 9 months. So that was why I was so shocked when very suddenly at 13 months he turned in to a very distressed screaming little boy. It was taking me longer to calm him down after a feed than actually the amount of time he took to feed. I thought he would come back to me when he was ready - but no, never even suggested that's what he wanted ever again. We weren't giving him cows milk either - he was getting his dairy from yoghurt and cheese at his meals. But like I said in my post, it coincided with me getting pregnant, so I can only presume the hormonal change wasn't to his taste!
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