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I got help and plenty of it, but it didn't fix my problem. I think some mothers are just better able to BF than others and no amount of help for some is going to change that I'm afraid.
I think if a child is going to be prone to illness, my opinion is that whether they are FF or BF, it makes little difference.
My first daughter was FF from 2 weeks and never gets sick (well, maybe a mild sniffle once a year) and some of her BF'd counterparts seem to always have something wrong. My second daughter had a bit of a sniffle a week or so ago, and my friend's daughter (who is the same age and BF'd) has had a cold three times now, the latest with a horrible cough.
I think I still have feelings of guilt because of my inability to BF for a decent amount of time, and I do question the statements about FF babies being more prone to illness as my babies are proof that that's not necessarily true. It's statements like those that make me feel bad.
I do agree though, that BFing gives you more "closeness" with baby as they are literally squished up against you while BFing, whereas with FF, it's not quite the same.
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You should NOT be feeling guilty! You tried your best, it wasn't happening - i'm over on another thread about SIDS on my soapbox about the unreliability of the studies which make findings like "FF kids get ill more" - those studies are FLAWED! Yes, BF provides immunities and gut-flora which help keep babies healthy while they are tiny (BTW good deal of the immunity is passed on in the colostrum - your DD got that!), but Formula now contains good gut-flora to help with this and there are SO MANY MORE factors in health. There is no reason to think that a FF child who is well-cared for (as i'm sure yours are) cannot build JUST as good an immune system. And BF babies are just as susceptible as FF babies to developing allergies and auto-immune problems from living in a near-sterile environment, it's just that these problems tend to appear after BFing has stopped. This is a delay, not a prevention.
Modern formula isn't poison! It's incredibly close to breastmilk (closer than ever before) and getting better all the time. Formula cannot provide the perfect match for needs as your breasts can, but it is an incredibly good alternative.
As for BFing for "a decent amount of time", that's down to the individual. I intended to fully BF for 6 months and then continue until she was at least 1, when cows milk was an option. As it happened my relationship fell apart and i had to find and move to a new house, and then she had to go back to her dad once a week with enough milk for him to waste by forgetting to freeze it etc. and by then i was getting NO let-down for my pump, 40 minutes pumping gave me 10mls and bruised nipples. So i had to supplement her 1 feed a day so her system could handle the FF at daddy's house (rather than having BM all week and then F for 24 hours, she was only 4 months old). By the time i weaned her (at 7months) i had serious thyroid failure and my milk was drying up and she wasn't willing to suck long enough to get let-down as she'd rather have the instant-gratification on the bottle. Yes, i missed BFing. Yes, i missed our close milky snuggles in the mornings. Yes, i felt terrible that my crappy body crapped out on us and left me no choice. But i refuse to feel guilty. Like every single woman here i fed my baby the best way i could, and when my body wasn't doing it anymore, i sought a good alternative, rather than letting her starve. BUt i have had people say to me, one about a week after i weaned "you couldn't have kept going just a little longer?" - byt then i was exhausted constantly despite sleeping whenever DD did - 14-16hours a day, i had rheumatic pains in my knuckles so bad i couldn't open my blinds in the morning, I had lost 18kg on my PRE-pregnancy weight and, most striking of all, i had a goiter in my throat the size of a grapefruit. I was so clearly ILL and yet people were putting guilt on me for "giving up". I wanted to try to avoid life-long thyroxine supplementation and i planned to stop BF, which gave me a little more energy, and see if my body would recover. As it happens it stabilised but never came back up to normal spped so i'm now on thyroxine for life. I regret what i had to do, but i don't regret doing it. I HAD to. When a mother has to stop BFing is such a personal decision, it shouldn't be something other people have an opinion on! I don't tell you how long it's acceptable to make love before orgasm, or how many times a week you should poo, or what sort of sanitary protection to use. A mother has to live with her decisions as a mother forever. Until your neighbour, or MIL or whoever has criticisms has to live with it to the extent you do, they should shut up!
I think it would be wonderful if all women aimed to breastfeed and were fully supported to try, but i know very well that formula saves sanity and LIVES.
Please please don't feel bad Impatient. Tell that guilt to go shove it! If only people who fit into the "ideal" survived, the population of the planet would be nil.
B
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Thanks B. I'll do just that! I know I did the right thing for us, and studies such as those really irritate me and I wonder how many babies were actually studied - obviously not my babies!
I too had people suggest that maybe I should have kept trying, but in the end it was more a matter of me retaining my sanity, and emotionally, there was no way I could have continued due to the immense pain. I don't think it's good for bub if mum is crying while trying to get bub attached! I'm not normally a cryer either, but I was sobbing! People just don't understand that it can be like that, especially if they've been successful BFers.
I was told in hospital that they'd never seen nipples as bad as mine after day one - they were an absolute mess. I asked one of the midwives if it was possible for a nipple to "fall off", as mine were looking like they were going to! (I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it!).
I now enjoy feeding my little one and I stare into her beautiful brown eyes, laughing when she tries to smile with the teat in her mouth, causing milk to dribble down her chin! She's such a cutie!
