With DS I had pre-eclampsia and PPH. During the birth I had pethidine and epidural, as well as blood pressure meds and the synto drip because I was induced. Afterwards I did not produce milk, only very small amounts of colostrum - and I don't believe this is because he wasn't on the breast enough, or because of bad attachment (I did have an LC come out to the house) - he was feeding constantly, meanwhile I was getting more and more exhausted. Because of the PPH I was physically drained anyway, and constant BF and a screaming baby didn't help. Come day 11 and a breast pump on one boob for 20 mins could only get 10ml of colostrum out of me. By that night I had had enough. So formula it was. Oh yes, I could have persisted but I didn't. I am not ashamed to say that I 'gave up'. I literally felt at the time like I had nothing left to give. I felt like the life was literally being sucked out of me, and I am not being melodramatic. That is how it felt. So I chose my sanity and my physical wellbeing. I did not want to martyr myself to breastfeeding. Selfish? Maybe to some, but I don't believe so.
DD #1, I had another induced birth and then PPH and my BF experience was much the same - milk didn't come in. But this time I will admit my attitude was different - I chose formula although I knew that I could have got the right help and made a real go of breastfeeding.
DD #2 and this time, my birth was fantastic - active, no drugs, no PPH. Afterwards I felt great - well as good as anyone can feel after giving birth! But again my milk didn't come in. Matilda's attachment was good, her sucking was good and she was on the boob regularly. Come day 6 and the LC comes out and says all is good, except my milk still has not come in. Up till that point I always thought it was the PPH that caused my milk to not come in, but now it seemed that it was just me, a physical thing with me that means my milk does not come in till late, if at all. I was tired. Not the same kind of tiredness as with DS and DD because I didn't have PPH but it was the kind of tiredness that comes with having a newborn, toddler and young child. I wanted to BF, I really did. While I was still pregnant, I had said that I would probably FF, but once I had given birth I found I really did want to breastfeed. But in the end I guess I didn't want it enough. With Matilda, in particular, I will wonder the most whether I might have been successful had I really tried. But I don't let myself get bogged down with that. I made my choice, that's it. And I know in the long term my worth as a mother is not based on how I fed my kids.
Anyway it's all well and good to point out a statistic such as 95% of women can and should breastfeed. All that means is that 95% of women have the physical makeup to BF. Which we all do. But as somebody has already said, there is more to breastfeeding than just having the equipment to do it. I know some women in here worked damn hard to keep breastfeeding, went through all the difficulties and persevered. Good on you. It is really great that you did that. I didn't. I could have chosen that path but I didn't and whats more I didn't want to. Maybe I chose the easy way out and I know there are some on here that will think that. That's fine, I don't mind. What you think is not going to change how I feel, or change the reality of my experience.

