I'm just so tired....really need some help

[Cass72]

I think I'm over breastfeeding and I'm plagued by guilt. I'm just so very very tired. DH is away still (only another 4 weeks to go) and I don't know how I can cope with feeling like this until he gets back. I went to the chemist yesterday to buy some formula and ended up walking out because I started to cry. The lovely lady was explaining to me how wonderful this brand of formula was because it is just like breast milk and has everything my little one needs. Guilt kicked in, with what the hell am I doing buying this when I have ample BM.

In the past month I've moved interstate (WA to the east coast) and started back at work full-time with DH away. To top it off I think Bubs is teething. I'm being woken every couple of hours and he seems to want to use me as a dummy, but what else can you do when nothing else seems to work.

Will formula help him sleep through? What do I do? He is on three solids meals a day plus 4 breastfeeds during the day and one or two overnight.

If I replace his bedtime feed with formula am I doing wrong by him? I'm so scared that everything is going to topple over and desperately want to hold it together.

[Babyluv]

Im sorry to hear you're so exhausted hun, I don't have any advice for you as I haven't been in your situation but do whatever is right for you and bub. There are plenty of women who can't breastfeed and they have perfectly healthy FF bubs. I think you've done a great job breastfeeding for 8 months
Hope someone can offer you some advice.

[Rivlas]

I am a believer that breast feeding is best for baby but I also know no everyone can breast feed or feed til bubs is 12 months or older.

Why not try and give him a bottle at night and see it that helps. You sre still feeding during the day so he is still getting breast milk. Nothing is worse than being tired all the time. You are parenting alone and working so you need to do what you think is right for your health and your baby.

Do some research on fomulas and then make up your own mind which one is best for you.

All the best and I hope you get some proper rest soon

[Traveller]

big hugs you sounds like you are really doing it tough just now.

If you give your baby formula, he may sleep through. But there is just as good a chance that he will not. All babies are different and if he is waking a lot in the night it could well be that he is picking up on your stress and your OH's absence. It will not hurt him to try it and see how he gets on, but there are other things you can try as well.

Do you currently co-sleep? If not then perhaps this closeness will help settle him at night. If you do co-sleep then it might be the smell of your milk that is waking him up, so having him sleep in a cot in your room (or in another room) might help him sleep through. Or else try to sleep with your back to him so there isn't a snack staring him in the face.

At this age when my kids woke I would offer them water to quench their thirst, and only BF if that didn't settle them. They fed a lot less in the night after that, as they found a drink of water wasn't worth waking for. Also is he on solids during the day? If he is hungry at night then a little more solid food (like an extra yoghurt or something) might be enough to keep him more satisfied at night.

There are lots of things that you can do, but if you do try formula remember it does not have to be one or the other. You can breastfeed during the day and give one bottle of formula at night, which at your stage should not really effect your supply. Formula is not poison, it is designed to be safe for babies and once you have introduced food already there is going to be less affect on the gut and immune system of one bottle a day that there would be if you introduced it before food.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and I hope you get some rest soon

[Cass72]

The water sounds like a good idea. on the odd occasion that we have coslept he doesn't sleep as well. he much prefers his own bed. maybe tonight I'll introduce some supper before bed. who knows maybe it will do the trick. if not I can always try the bottle tomorrow night. I really do want to continue to BF. Thanks everyone for your support.

[Junglemum]

I was at exactly the same point as you when DD2 was 8 months old. DH was away, she was waking two hourly and i was going crazy. So i decided to try and night wean her. Like Traveller, i offered water, i cuddled, rocked, walked, jigged, everything, to resettle. The first night it took about 30-40 minutes to resettle her, then next night it was much quicker and since then she has slept 10-12hours a night. It took a lot of willpower to not feed her, i knew that it meant she'd go straight back to sleep, but it also meant she'd be waking up again and wanted the boob to go back to sleep. It was hard and i did feel a little bad, but i never left her on her own to cry it out, i comforted her in every other way i knew and in the end it paid off. The same thing worked for DD1, but it was much easier as DH was home and he settled her. She settled much quicker for him as she wasn't expecting milk from him iykwim. It took 2 nights for her as well and she too started sleeping all night.

Good luck. x

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

It sounds like you are doing it tough at the moment. It must be hard with your partner away and caring for a 8mnth old. but what you've got isn't a breastfeeding problem. When you are breastfeeding, and there are problems, the grass looks so green on the other side of the fence. The bottle is often held out by friends and family as a golden beacon that will solve all your problems. But, your child has plenty of milk and food - it's unlikely he's waking because he's hungry. Breastfeeding is easy on your body, and research demonstrates that mothers who breastfeed get more sleep than bottlefeeding mums.
I wonder, what can sustain you? What can you do to have your emotional and physical needs met? It's hard, but your partner will be home soon. If you do give a bottle of formula at night - of course you aren't doing the wrong thing, and you can still breastfeed, but it might not be the answer to problems

[Cass72]

Well I solved the issue of whether or not to give him formula - he won't take a bottle from me. Last night I gave him a BF at 6.30, he woke at 9 so I gave him a top-up, then he was up at 12, then 4 and then up for the day at 6. Each time he went straight back to sleep after a feed. I may be making a rod for my own back, but until DH gets home (in about 3 & 1/2 weeks) I think I will just get up and feed and then go straight back to bed. It is too hard for me to try and resettle when he can smell milk on me. He gets himself really worked up and it takes longer to settle him - I guess he's frustrated because the "lunch truck" has arrived and she's not offering up anything! I think that DH will have more success.

After reading your comments and looking at a few other posts I've come to the conclusion that I was just having a bad couple of days (just overtired really) and that everything was looking much worse than it probably was. I had a great afternoon playing with bubs yesterday and went to bed knowing that I was going to feed him when he woke. It put me in the right mindset to deal with the wake-up calls and, only being woken twice was wonderful!! Barb, you are right, the grass was certainly looking greener and I thought that offering formula would be a cure-all and he would magically "sleep through".

[HotI]

Each time he went straight back to sleep after a feed.

This is really good! Whether it is food or mummy time he wants, he is obviously satisfied and then ok to go back to sleep again. (this is what i keep telling myself anyway!)

Hope the rest of your time til DH gets back goes smoothly.

take care

[trishalishous]

:hugs: Just wanted to say I understand how hard you must have it, although I was lucky enough to have DH here for support.
Ive really struggled with BF, and Im so proud of each day/week/month that I make it. but I also understand that if I have to give it away (which has been medically advised) that a fed baby by any means is a happy baby.
If you want to try bottles, maybe express for the night feed (I actually express one side and feed one side in the mornings, then use that for a bedtime bottle to help fill up DDs tummy, and so I can add nurophen for her teething)

[onthefly]

What a hard time you're having. It can be a particularly difficult age for sleeping, unfortunately. I doubt switching to formula would make much difference to you. To be quite honest - it might just end up making even more work for you, you know?

It may be a developmental thing, or teeth, or both together. I was working full time at this age too - it's bloody hard and DS just needed boobies aaaaalll night. I hope you catch a break soon.