Setting myself up for breastfeeding success second time around (Long!)

[FabFiona]

Hello all,

I've thought about this post for a long time now. I think by me writing down where breastfeeding went wrong for me last time, it will help me learn from my experiences and then develop a plan for success this time.

With DS I did all the right things to prepare for a good breastfeeding relationship. I joined the ABA, did the class, read the book and talked to lots of friends that were breastfeeding. However the reality was that the class didn’t quite prepare me in the way that I needed and that when it all hit the fan I was too slow in taking the action I needed to take.

Mitchell had a tongue tie that didn’t get snipped until he was about 3 weeks. I saw a lactation consultant who said my attachment was good but never knew my local council ran a free clinic weekly. The lactation consultant didn't leave me with a clear plan but more general advice. My supply was low and the herbs weren’t having any effect. Motillium wasn’t mentioned to me. I was exhausted and felt unprepared for this whole newborn caper so would skip feeds and DH would give bottle of formula so I could sleep which I knew wouldn’t help with my supply. A combination of all of these things caused my confidence to be completely shattered. So after 6 weeks I made the decision to stop breastfeeding in order to stop the continuous tears about feeding and begin to enjoy my son. That decision was right for me at the time and I have no regrets.

So this time I’m determined to do all I can to make it work.

Here are a few things I’ve been thinking about (I think in lists, hence the format of the post!)….

Go on Motillium from day 1 – I think this will really help me, not only with my supply but with my confidence. I know that oversupply has its own set of problems but in my head I’d rather deal with that than face low supply.

Buy a breast pump and express regularly – I know this will help to boost supply but will also build up a bit of a stash so I can get a bit of sleep if needed.

Not go out as much when bubs is born – Last time with DH at home and me keen to ‘get back to normal’ we used the time as a mini holiday and went out each day. We also had people over a fair bit. This time I’ve set up a good support network of DH, Mum, Dad and MIL to help me with Mitchell (who will be around 19 months when bubs is born) so I can just focus on feeding.

Get tongue tie snipped early – In hindsight I should have pushed the paed when he did the post birth check. He mentioned that Mitchell had a small tongue tie but it wasn’t a big deal. I should have put the foot down and got it snipped then and there. If the new bub has a tongue tie I’ll be onto it before we leave hospital.

Talk lots to my friends at Mothers Group – Most of them successfully breastfed until at least 12 months so they can be my cheer squad / sounding board.

Identify support networks – I contacted my local council to find out that they have started a home visiting service for breastfeeding assistance for bubs 0 – 6 weeks. Following that they have a clinic once a week. I also read every thread in the breastfeeding section on BB in order to increase my knowledge. Knowledge is always power in my book.

I don’t think I need to do the class again as I get the mechanics of breastfeeding. For me, it’s more about being able to deal with issues as they arise post birth.

Congrats if you got through all of that.

And now I throw it open to the wise women of BB. Anything you think I’ve forgotten or stories you’d like to share?

Thanks in advance,
Fiona

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

The reality of a newborn can really knock you for 6 - even after all the classes. It's never like you expected.

While you are pregnant, your body produces high levels of prolactin which is the hormone that makes milk. During pregnanancy your placenta makes progesterone which stops the prolactin from working, but once your placenta is born prolactin starts doing it's thing (making milk - usually by day 3-4) Motilium acts by increasing your prolactin levels. However, in a situation like yours there is no reason to think you would have had a lack of prolactin. Motilium is useful in a specific situation - where there is a specific problem (low prolactin) but if there are other reasons such as baby not feeding frequently enough or not milking the breast effectively, then it won't be the solution, IYKWIM?
It might be worth doing another ABA class - it will all make so much sense now - or at least dig out Breastfeeding Naturally and having another look at it. Expressing can be time-consuming and honestly a bit tedious in the first few days - having the baby feed often is a nicer way of establishing a supply.
To me it sounds like your lack of supply was caused by the usual misinformation and lack of support that mothers face. I wonder how your birth went?
If you have a look on the ABA website you will see a proforma breastfeeding plan (probably search "breastfeeding plan" once you are on the ABA website - it is seriously good!) You might fill it in and take it to hospital with you. Keep your baby skin to skin and feed frequently in those early days - it really sets you up for breastfeeding success. You are spot on about needing a cheer squad - that's the real secret to breastfeeding success. Your mothers group (this works if most mums have breastfed but can have the opposite effect if most mums haven't) ABA is fabulous and we are all here on Belly Belly

[Life is Good]

I could have written most of your post myself! I thought I had prepared myself so well the first time around - but it was a disaster! By the way, I had a c-section and will be having one this time too.

Motillium from day one can definitely help and that is what my OB and I have decided I will do - so I think that is a good strategy.

What I will also do differently this time is NOT listen to the midwives at the hossy (I am birthing at the same hospital as before and they totally did my head in - except for 1).

I am scheduling my personal LC to come and visit two hours after the birth and for the the two days following. I plan on ONLY listening to her.

I have also spoken to our paediatrician who will be at the birth and made him aware of my history. Regardless of whether the midwives say that bubby needs formula (which they said he needed 7 hours after birth and I just didn't know any better!), I will await instruction from my paediatrician in the event of comp feeding being necessary.

I also plan to staying in hossy until any major (if any problems) are resolved, instead of rushing home where there will be a whole lot of additional stresses.

Anyway, that is my plan and perhaps you can glean some ideas from that Best of luck x

ETA - Two last points, on the first two nights after I had DS, he slept through and so did I. This time I will insist that regardless of whether they think it is necessary or not that they bring bub to me every three hours for a feed. My intention is to not go longer than 3 hours day or night without a feed. I will also use nipple shields earlier rather than later to avoid the cracked and bleeding nipples I had last time from DS's bad latch.

[Danielle_NZ]

My plan of attack this time is lots of skin to skin and reading up on it... planned c-section and two failed attempts at breastfeeding (both c-sections)

[feeb]

Sounds like you are well on the way to knowing what caused you issues last time and will hopefully mean you will have a good journey this time.

You have an awesome local ABA group who are very good support, join up and go to meet ups if you are not allready!!

Good luck

[zap]

Good on you Fiona for being so pro active the second time around. Relaxing and giving you and bubs time to get the hang of it is so important. I hated breastfeeding my twins and gave up at six weeks. I happily bf ds3 till he was 12 months with no issues. I think I had a much better attitude of if I don't get the hang of it my baby won't die on formula. Enjoy it and good luck! Xoxo

[onthefly]

Setting yourself up with a good support network will be the most crucial thing, I think. You know how time consuming having a newborn is, so planning to focus yourself on that alone can only help. Maybe make sure you've lined up a good LC for technical support as well.

I'd be a bit wary of adding to your workload with expressing - why not give yourself a week or 2 and see how you're going with feeding first? If it fits in well, great, but if not hopefully it won't matter too much.

Anyway - good luck! I hope all goes well with the birth adn feeding

[Nelly4]

I just started a very similar thread to this one now and only just found this one.

I know that I'm going to try and do everying I can to BF this time around - more skin to skin contact sounds like a plan.

[belfie]

I wrote a "this time round" thread 7-8 months ago. I did do things differently and it worked a treat. The initial part of it was an absolute marathon but once through that, it was great. Things that helped me:

Have a written down breastfeeding plan. What do you want to do in the hospital? Who will you listen to? I love your plan of having your LC visit - but have stuff written down for the middies to read as well. Despite the fact my middies knew I had one of their own as my private LC, I was STILL told I would "never feed with those nipples" and that the colostrum I painstakingly hand-expressed "was not enough". They even paged my paed at 3am to insist I give DS formula. My paed was on side and said nope, she doesn't need it.

When I went to an ABA class I realised that I needed to spend more time relaxing and being with her, giving her every chance to feed. I was keener to have lots of skin to skin, cuddles & baths together & less worried about expressing. Keen to feel the love, then sleep when I could - I think this is important. You need the rest, and if you spend a lot of time on the pump you'll be so tired it makes it hard. Admittedly I was using shields and being advised to express anyway. I thought I had low supply with my DS who was a very poor feeder and was also comp fed. I discovered this time that my supply was perfectly fine. So the baby and the feeding can make a huge difference, which I think is a massively encouraging thing for folks in your situation to hear (this was me not that long ago!). What Barb said about the ABA class is true too. The class I went to had 3 of 4 mums who were trying to do better 2nd time around. We had a wonderful opportunity to debrief our first time & talk about how we'd go second time around. It was fabulous.

For those who are having a c/s or who have GD. I expressed colostrum prior to birth. I have flat nipples and both my babies didn't attach successfully until my milk was in. Having expressed colostrum prior to birth meant we avoided us topping her up with FF (espcially if GD + insulin as I was, when bubs BSL's will be checked). I expressed colostrum with the support & knowledge of both my LC and obs. From what I udnerstand, having a c/s can delay your milk coming in, so we also hoped that the expressing prior to birth would help o***et this - I'd say it did.

You've got another littlie - have a plan for what you can do with them while your'e feeding. It's a lot of time feeding in the early days, have a lot of support for the early period. It can be very tough tryign to feed with a tantruming toddler attempting to sit on your shoulder! I had a bag of special "new" toys (passed on from a friend) which I'd pull one out on bad days/times of need etc. And honsetly a bit more tv in the short-term isn't that bad!

You may not mind if you have to comp feed with FF. I did. I have a toddler with allergies and I just really wanted to avoid FFlike the plague. We had a sign for her crib which said "please don't give me any teats or dummies, I am learning to breastfeed and mummies boobies are pretty tricky". It gave some folks a giggle. It made some folks say we shouldn't have to put it up. I think some nurses thought I was BM-crazy. But it also helped to remind ME of what I was trying to do. And I guess I felt that if I caved in the early days, I was so scared I wouldn't be able to get it back on track with exclusive BF'ing. And trust me this sign was needed. When less than 12 hours after her birth I was already being hounded to give her FF. You can make all the plans in the world but once you've given birth you're in the hossie, there can be pressure from all directions. And even though you've done it before it can be so overwhelming - especially if you're unwell. Disaster nearly struck for me when I was left in the half light at 3am, unable to see enough to express, unable to reach the light, unable to get my contact lenses in, unable to get up (post c/s) and sobbing my heart out thinking it was already going wrong - whilst the nurse from SCN kept rushing in say oh no that's not enough colostrum. I hand-expressed 2hourly for 30 hours. Then dropped back to 3 hourly. I was exhausted, I was recovering from a c/s. I was getting .01ml of colostrum. And we got through by the skin of our chinny-chin-chin. Cos then my milk came in. But it took a mammoth effort to get there.
And while feeding was initially VERY painful (especially on first latch for me) it did get better. And it's stayed better. And she feeds wonderfully. And she's a right little buddha at 97% percentile. And my supply is just fabbo.

And so you can get through it, and everything you're reflecting on now and learning now will stand you in very very good stead. And even if it's hell & back in the early days just remind yourself that you might be just such a short time away from having it all turn around. You just don't know it yet. And when it does turn around it is the sweetest reward in the world.

So I sincerely hope it's not as stressful as my early days for you guys - but what I will say is - have TOO much support, have TOO many plans (both A and B!) cos hey if there's too many ideas and they're not needed, well that doesn't matter. Take your partner to an ABA class if you can. There's a lot they don't know about BF'ing. I insisted DH go (even though we naively thought we knew it all) but it was so useful. And we talked about our expectations & how it might work - it was a very very good conversation to have.

All the very best with it (I was going to write luck.. but no, you don't need luck). I'm cheering for you

[HotI]

I was keener to have lots of skin to skin, cuddles & baths together & less worried about expressing. Keen to feel the love, then sleep when I could - I think this is important. You need the rest, and if you spend a lot of time on the pump you'll be so tired it makes it hard.

I agree with this! This was only my first time but i know that my prolactin levels have the potential to be low due to medications i have to take, so really wanting BFing to work i put bub to the boob heaps and had lots and lots of skin to skin. It is enjoyable cuddling a baby even when they are sleeping, much nicer than hurrying to get them to bed so you can pump.

i didn't have a written breastfeeding plan, but will next time. i took my copy of 'Breastfeeding Naturally' (you get it when you join the ABA) to the hospital and used it as a shield whenever midwives i didn't like came near. i didn't want conflicting advice and i didn't want to be touched.

good luck!

[FabFiona]

Thanks for all of this advice. Even though I thought I'd covered everything as usual there are things that I hadn't thought about.

Barb - Thanks for the technical advice on motillium. Good to know. My birth last time was quick. I was induced due to PE, had an epidural and delivered vaginally all in 4 hours. I will also have a look at that breastfeeding plan.

I'm generally not backwards in coming forwards so if there is a midwife that I feel isn't helping I'll just tell her to buzz off.

I absolutely identify with the stories of midwives saying bubs need formula. For me, it happened in the middle of the first night. Mitchell wouldn't stop crying, I had no clue and I was told he was hungry and once I gave him a bottle they would take him away so I could sleep. I now know so much differently!!!

The other thing that I am very good at now is functioning with little sleep. My son has always been a terrible sleeper. Before Mitchell I used to need 8-9 hours of unbroken sleep per night. Now I feel fine on 6-7 broken hours. It's amazing how our bodies can adapt. So in a funny way I reckon that the fact that I don't need as much sleep now will definitely help with my stamina through the tough times!

This time I am also planning on co-sleeping from birth. I bought an arms reach co-sleeper on ebay and hope that not having to get up out of bed will be helpful in the early days.

I don't know that I will express in the first week/fortnight. The pump will be used after that me thinks but I will play it by ear.

My DH is very supportive of breastfeeding so no angst there.

The main thing I'm hoping to do differently this time is just stay in bed! I know I said this in my original post, but I honestly think that this will be the difference this time around. I've got a roster system of people to help with Mitchell and he will stay in childcare 3 days initially so I don't think I will be alone with the both of them for the first 8 weeks.

Thanks again for all of your wise words.