This is more just a "get it off my chest" post than anything else.

I am a first time mum. After what was such an amazing birth experience (natural,drugfree (gives pat on the back)), i assumed breastfeeding would also work for me.
my baby was born very sleepy and would not wake up enough to attach to the breast. so for the 3 days that i spent in hospital, i was expressing and syringe/cup feeding him.i really feel like i missed out on the one on one help from the midwives with attaching correctly. When he was 1 week old, i unfortunately woke up in the middle of the night in excrutiating pain and a crazy high fever...mastitis had reared its ugly head.

1 week of antibiotics. mastitis is still there.
i was then admitted back to maternity with baby to have antibiotics through a drip for 2 days. i had to express out of the "bad" boob constantly cos it was that blocked,bub couldnt get anything out. so he was only able to feed of good boob. i left hospital with another course of oral antibiotics, and extremely damaged nipples.

every feed, i was in the worst pain of my life. my partner had to physically hold me down while i bawled my eyes out. the midwives that came out to my house frequently checked to make sure he was attaching properly which he was by then. but my nipples were just too sore.

at 3 weeks old, we made the decision to FF. i had no idea how much it would affect me. i feel terrible that i couldnt persist and get through the pain. i have absolutely nothing against FFing,as i am a FFing mum now.

but the deciding factor was that i needed to be happy when my baby wakes up, and its time to start enjoying being a mum.