Feeling upset from negativity towards my choice to toddler bf and tandem feed

:p: to them!

Good on you for having some comments on hand to stand up for yourself. Since when did your body and your parenting become their issue? Perhaps you should be giving them advice on weight loss, toilet habits and sex?

Thanks so so much guys xx Your posts were great. I am really trying not to doubt myself.

Jodie- I cannot believe people said that to you.. I'm really in shock! I have never ever heard such a load of rubbish in my life. You poor thing for having to hear that.

There is so much misconception about b/feeding, I hate it!! :wall:

I have a cousin who never b/f any of her kids, and doesn't understand why I did. When we gave the news of Kane's clefting, she said that she "knew you weren't supposed to b'f while pregnant, its not good for the baby. It just causes problems"

She wasn't being nasty, she just has no information on b/f at all.

But that didn't stop me being devasted....

BUT you know better!!! If you do get to tandem feed, :pray:, just smile smugly to yourself, cause you KNOW its right!!! :clap:

man this really annoys me, everyones comments and opinions on pregnancy and related issues annoy me, why once your pregnant/a mother does that give people a right to tell you how to do it! you dont walk up to fat people and start giving them advice about dieting! grrrrr

i wasn't going to comment because i dont want to uninterntionally offend you so please take my congrats on bf'ing for so long first!

My own thoughts (and no one elses so you dont have to agree and i dont want to offend) is that i dont like older children breast feeding DEPENDING! on the situation, and i emphases DEPENDING, the only reason i say i dont like it is because the only person who i know who has done it, well her son put me off. he would walk up to her lift her top and try to undo her bra to feed himself. it was really offputting for myself. BUT saying that it was just the way HE did it not the fact that she was breastfeeding that put me off.

Even with that opinion i am AMAZED and in AWE of women who continue to breastfeed succesfully and really do take my hat off to you. even with my friend i didn't agree i would never say anything to her whatsoever. it is YOUR choice and there are SOOOOO many articles on the wonders it does for the children and mothers that i cannot be bad!

as for the lady who mentioned about someone saying it "caused" the cleft palate that is just RIDICULOUS. From my understanding cleft lip/palate is just something that can happen and there is no known cause! grrrr

so yes i hope i haven't offended anyone but i gues the point im trying to make is just because someone has a differance of opinion about the way to do somethings doesn't give them a right to belittle you or make you feel small. you are the ONLY person who knows what is right or wrong for your own body and you will deal with whatever you have to when you have to

No offence taken Smoz. It can be easy sometimes to be put off something when you see other people doing things a certain way. I understand that.

It really does amaze me how different people's perceptions can be regarding when a 'baby' is no longer a 'baby' anymore, and then to many people, breastfeeding is no longer appropriate. I think was it in yor post Cass?- where you said that to you, your DS is still a 'baby' in your eyes? I completely feel the same about DD. And I think that's why I feel so frustrated when I hear people questioning or judging me (or other mums) as to why I'm still bf or maybe tandem feeding. Ok, so DD isn't truly a baby baby IYKWIM, but when she snuggles up on my lap with her little blanket over her, to me and DH she is still so little. Gosh she's only been on this planet for 17 months! So why do some people seem to think that at that age, it is as if she is all grown up and too old to get mummy's special cuddles...You wouldn't deny your teenage daughter a hug when she has had a bad day at school, just because she is a teenager..the same why that I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for nurturing my toddler.

Anyway, probably time for me to just 'get over it'! As my DH tells me!

Thanks guys

Boy, some people have nothing better to do then stick their nose where it doesn't belong. You are doing an amazing job. I got "comments" about co-sleeping, you would think we were going to put DS under a truck with the kind of comments we got. Don't worry they don't have ANY idea. Just enjoy your babies, they grow up too fast. If I get pregnant :pray: I'm not going to rush DS off breastfeeding. I think MIL would have a heart attack if I was pregnant and breastfeeding :rolleyes:, if I was tandem feeding god knows what would happen to her :rofl:. I have gotten in trouble off her for not letting DS cry since the day he was born. She makes a comment EVERYTIME I see her and I let in go in one ear and out the other, Because I know she doesn't know what she is talking about. Congratulations on feeding this far and best of luck tandem feeding!!!!

Oh big hugs to you Lee! Lots of good advice already, but i just wanted to add that it doesn't get much easier once you are actually tandem feeding. I've lots of comments like that and always the strange looks. People are so positive when i mention i'm breastfeeding, then when i add that its both, you should see their faces change, mostly looks of confusion, but i've also seen disappointment and fear. People just don't get it.... instead of being embarrassed about it i just try to educate them about it.

The best advice i can give you is to meet with a private lactation consultant now or soon, get some tips on tandem feeding and ideas on how you plan to tackle potential challenges. I've found it very challenging and draining and without the support of my lactation consultant (who kindly lets me email and ring her whenever) i am proudly still tandem feeding, its hard but its getting easier. Its just been so good to know that she was a phone call away when i've had issues - and i've had so many of them (no/low weight gains, health issues, mastitis etc). Plus its just good for reassurance and she had some pretty funny comebacks for the negative comments too.

I just think it really sucks that people seem to withdraw support for breastfeeding the older a baby/toddler/child gets. THe only way to change this is to get out their and make it visible so that full term feeding becomes more common.

Good luck mate, and if you ever need any advice feel free to pm me :)

Oh lee im so glad i didn't offend you i just wanted to give an opinion from a different perspective. like i said i really do take my hat off to you ladies! and i am so envious that i didn't get to feed for longer last time, but hopefully this one will be different.

I have no problem with age, my only issue is discretion. now please dont get me wrong here ladies, a woman should NEVER have to hide when she is breastfeeding and as far as im concerned you should be able to feed and at dining table in a restaurant (got asked to leave once when ds was 2months old) i dont mind toddler feeding its just when they are rude toddlers that just grab at it anywhere anytime. but that is to do with disciplining the child NOT to do with the feeding.

I have a questions because i hope to make it to 6months definately this time and if im lucky a year. But i've always wondered about the teeth issue??? it must hurt ALOT when they are teething? or am i just being niave. this wouldn't stop me its just something i've thought about when they are cutting there teeth my ds chewed HARD on anything he could find, and i cringe to think if it had been my nipple! so how do you ladies deal with this or do the kids just "know" not to? i know might sound stupid and sorry forhijacking but there are just alot succesful bfders reading this....

btw Lee, stuff DH he doesn't know what its like and doesn't understand how special it is and how much of a struggle it is constantly second guessing your ever action let alone having ignorant people judge you! grrr to men.

As a lady who found breast feeding to hard after trying sooooo hard, i say go girl feed feed feed, just wish i had your problem. stuff 'em you are doing what women all over the world wish they could do.

I am glad to see that I am not the only one. I have found it is interesting to just look confused and ask why, why should I stop, most people don't really know what they are talking about and this becomes clear to everyone including themselves as they grasp at reasons that you need to stop. Give them enough rope, open up the conversation and they will eventually just mubble and wander away!

I really admire you extended and tandem breastfeeders.:clap: Society has taught many of us that b/f is wrong, let alone extended breastfeeding. You are paving the way for us all and hopefully because of your hard work our daughters will not have to face this negativity. Our mothers had to be pioneers and earn our right to birth the way we want to, you are pioneers - earning us the right to nurse the way we want to.

I really want to make it as far as you girls. We've only been nursing for 14 weeks so far, but it's not enough! I want MORE MORE MORE! (and so does my nursling haha).

Hi Lee
Just tell the nosey buggers to bugger off as there comments are warranted and they don't know what they are talking about.
My mum tried to tell my sister to put her DD on the bottle cause she was too little and the reason for it was because of BFing, well anyway she successfully BF her DD for 16 months and she if just a petite framed little girl, anyway my point is that ppl think they know it all cause they have raised all there kids and that warrants giving every other mother there advice...just take it with a pinch of salt hun cause you know you are doing what is right!

GL

I have been on the receiving end of criticism from both teams! With my first one, after a very traumatic birth, which I am only now really beginning to understand, he refused to latch, not just refused but we had very very definate breast refusal which devastated me as I had always assumed that bf is just what you do. So after 6 weeks of expressing and lactation consultants, and being so down from feeling rejected I gave up. I remember constantly getting comments like, oh, your not bf, and little insinuations that I had given up too easily, that I was a bad mother, the but don't you know how good it is for the baby....etc. etc. So I was damned for not. Someone (and old man actually) shook his head at me and said loudly in a cafe young people are so lazy these days, not even feeding their own children. Where were the bottle feeding advocates then, or do they not support but only criticise. Now that my no. 2 DD has taken so well that at 19 months he is still going strong the bottle feeding advocates are crawling all over me. ... don't you know how easy a bottle is..... there is nothing wrong with bottles you know......are you still going to be feeding him when he's 21...... fortunately fellow bfeeders do come out and support me, but I still object to the suggestion that people bottle feed out of laziness, and feel really sad when people are made to feel that their milk is inadequate and end up switching due to misinformation. And having done both, bottles with DD1 and Bf with DD2 I feel I can take them on, yes I do know how easy bottles are, and bf is so much easier! Having said that I wish more women would just be supportive of whatever a fellow woman chooses to do, I love these forums because people are supportive, I must live in a very negative area where my neighbours have nothing better to do than find reasons to critisize. I am now pregant again, and still intend to Bf as long as DD2 wants, and may even tanden feed, part of me wants to do it just to cause a stir, once people have seen it done and get used to me doing it it might not be so foreign to them! Thank you to the person who said we are pioneers, and somewhere there was a mention of milk making superpowers, all very boosting and invigorating thoughts!!

Oh, does anyone who has bf while pregnant found that your nipples get really really sore?

Lee - I was thinking about this some more. Feel free to ignore the following completely, and I hope it doesn't upset you.

You might want to make sure DD1 is as ready to wean as she can be, although you don't intend to do it. By that I mean things like: making sure you have found some sort of other milk that she likes, making sure she has the hang of cups and so on and can give herself a drink when you are busy with bub2, and starting now to get the idea into her head that sometimes she has to wait for a breastfeed, or maybe have something else instead.

If you do have to really wean, and she associates all these changes with the new arrival, that could be more traumatic for everyone.

hugs
Kate

Oh, man, I would LOVE if DS is still feeding when I'm pg again!!! I will actually be a bit upset if he self-weans beforehand or during - how odd is that going to sound to people who don't understand tandem feeding??
DS asks for his Babu and while he's feeding he'll point at the other and say (in spanish) 'the other one'?. Sometimes I wish he COULD just help himself - he has tried my bra catch, but can't quite get it himself ;)

i love bfing while i'm pg. i do get funny looks but i'm starting to get more assertive about other misinformed people's judgements and try to just look straight back at them.

yes kate, my nipples have been a little bit more sore but nothing too serious

Rainforest - but she's only a year old, how rude!!