Have i got any hope of stopping 'feeding to sleep'??

[*EJ*]

DD (who is almost 11months) has been fed to sleep for quite some time. This has worked for us as once she got to a certain age with two noisey boys around she would be way too distracted to feed any other way. As i am the one who puts her to bed majority of the time this is mostly ok but it's starting to create some issues.

If i happen to be out and DH at home with the kids if he has to put DD down for a sleep she screams the house down. The sleep just does not happen.

If we wanted to go out for an evening we can settle DD beforehand but if she wakes i know whoever she is with will have no hope of getting her back to sleep.

She has never accepted a bottle or a dummy.

How can i change this? I want to start changing the feed to sleep pattern but have no idea how to get her to relax and feed any other way. I know when she is protesting it is only because this is all she knows but i really would love for her to be a little more flexible.

She still wakes 2-3 times a night (i don't think we've ever had a 'sleep though'). The only way to get her back to sleep is by me feeding her. I would love to attempt some night settling without a feed because i'm getting a little tired but really can not handle the performance she puts on.

I really want to change some things but i'm not sure where to begin.

Any help???

[helle]

Ds was breastfed to sleep til he was 17 months. In the end my milk ran out (i was 16 weeks pregnant at that stage) so he was cut off and with alot of screaming we got there eventually. I called ngala( a sleep school in wa) and they gave me these tips

I'd start by going to his room and giving him cuddles, if he started to arc up I'd put him down in his cot, which he'd arc up to more so I'd give him cuddles again (he eventually understood that it was either cot or cuddles so made his preference pretty fast!)
Then I started placing him in his cot and patting or stroking his face while I hummed to him while sitting next to the cot, making sure he was calm etc. basically doing anything I could do so he was happy in his cot! Once he was used to that I'd just rest my hand on his back, then only hum to him and then eventually I was able to put him in his cot and just sit next to it til he fell asleep. I won't lie, it took easily over a month to get there but we did in the end. He also started sleeping through once he wasn't breastfed to sleep. The lady I spoke with said his waking issue was probably from being snuggle to a nice warm boobie then waking in the middle of the night wondering where the hell it went and being all alone! And for him I think that rang true.
Good luck, it's hard but with persistence you can get there if you need to

[megs]

When I had to try and cut out the feed to sleep, especially at night I wouldn't go into my son DH would go in and offer water, and then stay in the room with him till he calmed down, probably only took a week to realise that he wasn't getting milk anymore and he stopped waking.

[HotI]

My DD was feeding to sleep at that age, and for all wake ups. She also wanted to suck over night for hours. I started trying the Pantley pull off method from the no cry sleep solution. as bub was falling asleep at the breast, i would slip my finger in and detach her from the breast. at first, she would wake again and root around or start screaming. i would let her attach again and have to wait til she had settled again. then i would try again. at the start, i might have to do it 20 times (or just give up for the night if i was tired) but over time it got less, and then she would still basically feed to sleeep but would come off herself (or with minimal suggestion) and roll over to sleep.

My next step was to not offer the breast first off when she woke. we were co-sleeping or bub was in a side car cot at this stage, and when she would wake she would crawl over and want to feed. when she came over (or woke up) i would first try to rub her back or give her a cuddle (spooning her so she wasn't facing my breasts). Again, at the start there was no chance of her accepting it- she wanted boob. But one night the backrub worked and she went to sleep! over time, some wake ups she wanted cuddles and others she wanted milk but we had both stopped the immediate response to breastfeed for a wake up.

I never let her get really worked up because it would have just made it worse. i wasn't withholding the breast- just offering other things first but if it was a feed she was after , she got it.

I also never thought that DD would settle without me breastfeeding, but i had to go out a couple of nights and left DD with DH. They worked out their own method and if i am not around, she will now settle for DH.

The first sleep through was when DD was 15 months old.

When i got pregnant, my milk decreased and some days there wasn't enough there to get her to sleep. Again, we slowly changed what we were doing, she would breastfeed and then just cuddle. If she was getting frustrated with me, DH would give her cuddles (he has a jiggly knee that helps too) and although it was taking longer she would go off to sleep.

We are now working on getting her ready to sleep (book, breastfeed in the loungeroom) and then walking her down to her bedroom and into bed and sitting there until she goes to sleep.

It has been a gradual process, but we are seeing results over time. it took me awhile to work out what the next step was that i wanted to work towards, once i had a plan and started it - it was often not as daunting as i had expected. There were also key times that for us led to big advances that were largely decided by DD- 12 months, 15 months and 18 months- so some of it is just time and when your little one is ready for the next stage.

hope that helps.

[*EJ*]

Thanks ladies. I know that i'm in for some sort of battle to change things but i think i need to do it. DS2 was still waking up until 15 months and i went with it, i weaned as i fell pregnant and i think with my milk changing he noticed and started biting me. I stopped cold turkey and it wasn't an issue really.

I want to continue feeding DD but the routine we have now is amplifying the breastfeed/me only settle issue. If i could get her to take to DH a bit more so i had a helping hand with night waking i would be happy to feed her if that's what she wanted (but she surely doesn't need 3 feeds before midnight which is what she wanted last night). I would like to feed for maybe another 12 months yet. I just want to change a few things to work in better with out days/nights.

DH struggles with tiredness and patience and especially when she cleary wants nothing to do with him. But i need it him try and not give in.

Hot1 would you say that the No Cry Sleep Solution is worth purchasing even though DD is 10months old and we no intention of having anymore children? If it's worth the read and will help us i'll get it!?!

For those who sucessfully changed the feed to sleep routine when did you fit in your feeds otherwise?? I think we also fell into this pattern because DD has always been a bit of a catnapper and would never be hungry to do feed, play, sleep.

[HotI]

Hot1 would you say that the No Cry Sleep Solution is worth purchasing even though DD is 10months old and we no intention of having anymore children? If it's worth the read and will help us i'll get it!?!

I read the book couple times earlier on, but I didn't start using any of the techniques until DD was around 10 or 11 months cos i wasn't ready to make any changes, and i was hoping DD would just do them herself.

I don't know if you would think the book would be worth it, maybe check out your library or you are welcome to borrow mine, as long as i can get it back. I'm not reading it at the moment.

[Butterfly Dawn]

I think it takes time to change anything, create things the way you want them to be and do it, its always tears a first then 1 day they just accept that this is the way things are. Im not suggesting youl eave baby to cry. If baby is having issues with daddy, then to start you could both do it, together, then a week later you leave half way through the routine and so on, repeating or back stepping as needed. good luck

[Jellyfish]

There is definitely hope and you don't even have to stop altogether!

My DD is fed to sleep, even now but she stays with her Dad once a week and my parents once a month - both manage to get her to sleep in other ways and there has never been any distress (we all have similar parenting ideals, luckily). I can also put DD to sleep without feeding, I just find it quite nice to do so even at this age. I also resettle my DD overnight without feeds now.

You just have to find what works without getting too frustrated and distressed. For my DD, when she was that age, we all rocked to sleep as an alternative to feeding. As she got heavier, my Mum started laying down with her and offering backrubs. Overnight, I usually settle with leg rubs or backrubs. At her Dad's, he just sits in the room and reads or such while she lays in bed but that is a recent thing.

The most important thing is to not let them get overtired, as breastfeeding to sleep works pretty fine even when they are way past tired, other methods usually won't. Try to notice tired signs early and start rocking/patting whatever then while everyone is calm. Feeding to sleep also pretty much works whereever.. it is a bit magic. Other methods might need a more structured approach -- dim lighting, quiet time leading up to bedtime, a bit of a routine etc.

[*EJ*]

Last night she woke up 1hr after being put to bed and i managed to resettle her. She woke up again 1.5 later and would resettle in my arms but not go in her cot. I got DH to have a try but he got the same. So at about 10pm i gave in and fed her (only 3 hrs after her feed to go to bed).

After that it was 1:30am and again at 3ish. I would really like to be getting longer than 3 hours out of her

It's just going to have to be a work in progress i think. Like Hot1 said, figure out a plan and how to work towards it.

We'll hopefully get there soonish

[Butterfly Dawn]

So it was you I bumped into on the way to make bottles last night, all night long

[sloane]

i was very much like HotI. my DS stopped feeding to sleep consistently around the same age your DD is now so i decided to stop the feeding to sleep altogether. i also did something similar to the pantley pull off - i would feed DS but as he was drifting off, i would stop feeding him. he never really got too upset & if he was genuinely upset, i'd put him back on. it really didn't take very long for him to stay awake until after he'd finished feeding. DS was sleeping on a mattress on the floor from about 8 or 9 months so it made it easy - i would feed him on the mattress, then put him down so i could lie next to him & cuddle him to sleep. i continued to feed him overnight when he woke up.

we didn't have a 'sleep through' until he was 18 months. then we had another one two weeks later & then nothing for another 6 months

i kept BFing until DS was 20 months.

good luck

[*EJ*]

So it was you I bumped into on the way to make bottles last night, all night long

Yep me and all the other mummas up throughout the night (dads too ) persuaded by the undeniable love for our children

HotI thanks for the offer, i have been able to find it on Fishpond for $15 and i had an inside look at it on amazon so i think i might give it a go. Thanks for the offer though that was really kind.

[Butterfly Dawn]

Lets hope its a better night for all of us tonight