He's screaming at me...again :(

[Lenny]

I'm back again, because i'm worn out with being screamed at when we go to feed.
I just can't for the life of me see a pattern emerging which would explain why sometimes we have great feeds and sometimes just plain terrible.

DS2 is 4 months and fully bf since birth. No weight issues (phew) and he is still thriving.
But sometimes - maybe once a day, but sometimes at every feed, he just screams at me when I go to get 'in position'.

Sometimes I can overcome it by changing sides or changing positions or giving him a dummy or finger to suck and then when he's calm we try again. Sometimes there's no answer but to put him down and wait. Sometimes half an hour, sometimes an hour is enough.

He sleeps sometimes for hours, sometimes for 40 minutes - like most babies, i guess. He wakes for a feed usually twice at night. He always feeds perfectly at night.

There are a lot of sometimes! I just can't seem to work it out, and i'd really like to know. It's upsetting for him, me, DS1 and anyone else who happens to be around. I fear a need to feed in public - people would think i was hurting him!

Could it be flow - too fast too slow? But the problem with this is he screams before we even start half the time.

Could it be pain - surely not when he feeds so well at night and sometimes during the day too.

Is he just not hungry maybe? But then sometimes i can calm him down and get him to eventually feed really well.

I am hoping that some of you wise women might be able to shine a light on my problem, or perhaps give me some ideas of things that could be the problem. He didn't come with a troubleshooting section, and i'm a bit too sleepy these days to work things through clearly.

I'm happy to get an LC, but he is a happy/healthly baby otherwise.

Thanks in advance
Jo

[Laranna]

Jo. I'm not really sure but I was going to suggest pain or maybe he doesn't like the position? Or could it be wind?

[onthefly]

Is this the same as before? How long has it been?
DS was like this at around 4 months - lasted about a month (basically till I relaxed about it). But if it's been going on for longer already I would guess it's something else.
You should talk to an LC and/or the ABA if you haven't already. They might be able to actually see what's going on.

[Peach*]

I have no real advice just wanted to give you a *hug*. It sounds like a stressful situation!

[Arcadia]

Have you tried feeding him in a darkened room? If he feeds well at night I am thinking it might be the stimulation of the day.

At 4 months dd became impossible to feed in the day because she wanted to be looking around and interacting. I am thinking that if you have an older child your bub may feel like he is missing out on fun at feed times.

Don't really know...just thought some ideas might help you nut it out.

[MantaRay]

Lenny, that sounds tough Unfortunately as the others have said, this is pretty typical behaviour at 4 months. You might have noticed that your DS has also become much more alert and aware of his surroundings as well. Often with this awareness comes a reluctance to face mum and feed, when there is so much else going on. Suggestions of feeding in a quiet, darkened room are good, this helps many mums. Also, a breastfeeding necklace can work well at this stage. Other ideas are feeing in the bath and covering the baby with a blanket or cloth while he feeds - this works well for some babies, but others hate it! It can help to know also that babies can usually finish a feed within a few minutes at this age.

All the best hun. It is a difficult time, but this too shall pass!

[Lenny]

Thanks everyone.
marcellus - yep, we had one good week but it's pretty much been going on for over a month now
I did finally drag myself and the boys to an ABA meeting a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't been since DS2 was born. They pretty much just helped me to go through all the possibilites and rule them in or out.

I think you are all right. It's probably just a combination of him and me and the environment around us. Lots of noise from DS1 and not a lot of that gorgeous calm mother/son time i had feeding DS1.

MR - sadly he HATES things on his head! It's so funny, it looks like he's swatting flies when i try it.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply. I just need to be a bit more calm and take a bit more time to relax and he will pick up on that too. Big deep breaths and a Tim Tam perhaps

[onthefly]

Yeah definitely relax about it - that's what ultimately got us through. After a month of anxiety and trying to force feed DS. Tim Tams are an excellent idea!

[turtleschell]

Mm my 5month old DD has been doing this on and off for the past 2months.
I've learnt to just do something else with her as soon as she starts screaming. She's hungry, but would rather be staring at her reflection, or scrunching up newspaper.. eventually she gets hungry enough (and being tired/due for nap helps) to feed happily.
Exactly what marcellus said, the trick is to just not stress about it.

I know how frustrating it is though, I get so fed up with that screaming sometimes.

[Jennifer13]

How are you doing, Lenny? I don't have any suggestions, but I hope this passes for you both soon.

[Lenny]

Thanks for asking Jennifer13. I'm making a conscious effort to relax (if that's not an oxymoron?!) And if he struggles or fusses too much - or just downright screams, then feeding time is over until i think he starts making hungry faces/noises again. I am a stresser at the best of times. I think I was just trying (unconsciously) to enforce a bit of routine.

Actually the last 3 nights he has only woken for a feed once - not the usual twice. Maybe there is something in that?

Where are those Tim Tams...

[Jennifer13]

Maybe he's trying to tell you he's had enough? Sounds like you might be able to get a longer stretch of sleep, in any case. Don't go waking up for chocolate!