How do I change my mindset?

[chody47]

I am hoping to TTC #2 in a few months time. Next time, I would like to BF for longer if possible. This time I BF exclusively for 4 months, and then started changing some feeds to formula until at 6 months (when I went back to work), DD was fully formula fed. Apart from the fact that we had huge issues going on at home (DH had an accident and was basically dependent on me for everything from when DD was 9 weeks of age until around 4.5 months, at which point he started being able to do things for himself (and helping with DD occasionally)) and was going back to work, I found it hard to get my head around BF an 'older' baby. Now, I understand logically that 6 months is not 'old' by any means, but the fact that DD could sit up and stuff made me feel, in my head, that she was getting too 'old' for it.

Obviously my experiences have a lot to do with this. I was never around any BF growing up. I remember feeding my younger sister bottles, so I don't think any of us kids were BF. As we were the youngest 'cousins', I never saw any Aunties BF either. I guess the thing is, prior to having DD, the only time I'd ever seen anyone BF, it was to a tiny infant, not someone who could basically help themselves.

Anyway, has anyone got some tips on how I can change my mindset? I know that logically it is the best thing to do for my baby, but how do I stop myself feeling 'weird' about it? Has anyone else gotten past this?

(Oh, and in case any of this comes across in a bad way, I don't have any issues with people BF their babies/toddlers/children, I don't actually look at others doing it these days and think 'why are they doing that?' it's just all in my head with regards to me doing it).

[Arimeh]

Go hang out with people doing it?

I never thought I would be doing it either, but shes 11 months now... Lol

[chody47]

Go hang out with people doing it?

I never thought I would be doing it either, but shes 11 months now... Lol

Haha, that's basically my only idea lol. There is only one person I know (that I actually see) who is still BF and her DD is the same age as my DD. She is currently weaning. It's weird, I think it's totally normal for her to be BFing still. Maybe all the stress of what was going on at home clouded my judgement? Maybe it will just seem 'normal' to me next time? It's so hard. I just want to be better prepared I think.

[Calluna]

Maybe you could go to some ABA meetings?

[Fleur]

Both of those ideas

Exposure to breastfeeding normalises it. So hang out with nursing mothers, go to ABA meetings (they will be likely useful in other respects as well), read about breastfeeding.. hang out on BB

FWIW I was a bit the same until I started reading of, and seeing so many breastfed toddlers - that became my new 'normal'.

[Ambersky]

Find your local ABA group and go hang out there as early as you can, i never thought i would feed a child who had teeth.. or could ask for Boob LOL. But every day passes and they are still your baby, only one day older than yesterday. I ended up feeding DD1 till over 3, and DD2 is 2.5 still going strong. Maybe if you can find an ABA councelor you gel with you can fill them in and they can be there if these feelings come up again.

[Arimeh]

Haha, that's basically my only idea lol. There is only one person I know (that I actually see) who is still BF and her DD is the same age as my DD. She is currently weaning. It's weird, I think it's totally normal for her to be BFing still. Maybe all the stress of what was going on at home clouded my judgement? Maybe it will just seem 'normal' to me next time? It's so hard. I just want to be better prepared I think.

I can understand that. I never EVER thought that I would breastfeed as successfully as I have this time round, I made it to 2.5 days with DS, formula fed from birth with DD1, and comp fed with DD2 from birth then ff fulltime from when she was 1 month old.

So to get to 11 months with #4 was something I never EVER expected. I just wanted to get past the dates that I had done before, so my first goal to get to was 3 days, then 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month.. I had lots of mini goals, and then it just became "normal" to me, and there wasn't a reason to stop doing it. Because it was my "normal" to do it.

However, I would still get pangs of "omg, this feels so weird, I should be formula feeding" and even had one of those not too long ago because thats all I've ever known in my parenting journey. Its weird for DH because he's not fed DD3 even once in her life - and thats something that has never happened.

So yeah - I get what you mean.

[Kazzo]

Could it be possible that after your DH had the accident and was so reliant on you and having your DD1 who also was that you felt a little overwhelmed with it all and buy slowly introducing DD to the bottle and then was a way of getting some of yourself back and having less of a demand on you? Just thinking of this while eating my breakie. Sorry if I am way off line.

I could never imagine BF a baby with teeth, it scared me a little, but once teeth came it never crossed my mind to stop. Both my girls self weaned and at early ages so I have not had to think about BF an older baby. I think going to ABA meetings would be great. Maybe write yourself a list of all the reasons why you would like to BF longer and re read it occasionally, if you start going to ABA you might even add to it.

I think that things will be very different for you next time around (if your DH stays safe).

[KitFaerie]

Just look at your baby, I still feed my son because he loves it! Whenever it's time for a feed he throws away whatever he's doing and races over with the biggest grin on his face, he looks at me with such love and contentment while he's feeding, every so often he'll break off to look at me and giggle, like ''this is awesome!" For me, feeding is a lot more fun now, there are no worries about supply or latching cos we've got that down pat, if he doesn't want a feed that's fine, and if he wants more than usual, that's fine too! I feel like we did a lot of the groundwork when he was a tiny baby so we could have this time together now, if I'd stopped at 6 months, we wouldn't have this time now and we'd be missing out ITMS?

Your baby won't know about your mindset, all they'll know is that breastfeeding is normal, so when the time comes, just take your cues from them

[PumpkinZulu]

Add me on FB lol! I post BF pics all the time - at home, on the tram, at the park, in restaurants. The best way to normalise something is to be exposed to it, and often

[HotI]

Calculate the money you will save (not buying formula) or the environmental benefits (no packaging, bottles, washing etc) or the health benefits to you and baby.

I don't like the formula companies, so getting to 12 months was my goal cos then i wouldn't have to give them any profits. When i got there, i realised that my DD was still my baby and breastfeeding still worked for both of us so stopping didn't really come up.

[Loveinamist]

Like Mrs Nerdburger said, Hang out with people who do!

I am currently breastfeeding my 2 year old toddler but if you had met me about 5 years ago I would have told you that a toddler breastfeeding was disgusting and unnecessary I remember years ago being embarrassed when my friend was breastfeeding her 3 year old but I think that being around her helped change my mind eventually when I did breastfeed my own baby.

Also perhaps because you had already stopped breastfeeding your DD it was difficult to get your head around the idea of feeding a 6 month old. But once you start breastfeeding this next one with no break, the time will just pass and then suddenly you are breastfeeding a seven month old and then an eight month old and so on. And you won't notice that they look 'too big' for it because it will just be what you both do. It will be your own breastfeeding relationship and you will stop when it doesn't feel right for you or the baby, whenever that may be.

I remember reading a beautiful blog where a mum was talking about breastfeeding her older baby and she said something along the lines of 'I know that you may see a long limbed, big, almost toddler, dangling awkwardly from my breast but this is what I still see peeking up at me...' and she posted a picture of her baby when it was newborn looking up at her. It made me cry because it has certainly been true for me.

Oh and like Fleur, breastfeeding a toddler is now my new 'normal'

[RoyaUK]

Gorgeous post redrobin - that's what i see to.....although i also think nearly every time at bed time, i've got the most powerful and quickest way to get this little one to stop having a tantie and go to sleep !!

[chody47]

Thanks for all the wonderful suggestions everyone. I will definitely need to re-read this thread next year when I (hopefully) have #2.

Kazzo - I do think you are right too. I do think that all the demands on me at the time definitely contributed to switching to FF earlier than planned. Prior to the accident we were going brilliantly and I had no thoughts of stopping, yet 5-6 weeks later I was feeding DD her first bottle of formula (after wishing to have been doing it for the previous 2-3 weeks). Thinking about it now, I remembered resenting DD (how bad does that sound?? ) when she would want a feed sometimes as I was just soooo tired and never getting any 'me' time. DH would need tablets every two hours - which I had to give as he was too drugged up to know what he was having - without fail it would be just after i'd gotten back to sleep after feeding DD. I remember (numerous times) sitting in bed at night feeding DD whilst crying my eyes out as I was so tired, not just from being woken so often, but from having to do everything for them both as well as try to run the household (keeping up with DD's reflux washing was a nightmare, and she had colic too......., and taking DH to endless doctors appointments, him basically crying in pain at every bump in the road (bumps you never even noticed before), wow, now that I think of it, it was an extra awful time...). I feel like everything was stacked against me really.....

[Kazzo]

You really did have a rough time and went through so much so no wonder you felt like getting some of the need taken of you in the only way that seemed possible at the time. You have all made it through thankfully and I am positive things will be different next time, you said it yourself that things were going great until your DH accident.