After reading entreats thread I cried because I felt the same and wanted to share.

I had borrowed every book from the library on empowering, natural, drug free birth. Had practiced positions for labour, made a booklet of positive quotes and written up a detailed birth 'preferences', I was calm and excited for a vaginal birth.

Then at my routine 38wk appointment the handheld doppler picks up an irregular heartbeat, so does a CTG and two ultrasounds. The staff run through my options... Transfer to city hospy so they can place a fetal diode for better monitoring and an induction at hope of vaginal birth, or three steriod shots and a scheduled c-section in 3 days, or c-section now. I went through all the pros and cons with hubby and decided c-section now.
Staff were wonderful, I was excited to be meeting bubs soon but also scared. But I didn't feel out of control, I still made my voice heard, I wanted a spinal so I was conscience, I wanted photos, I wanted DH to cut the cord, I wanted bubs on my chest ASAP and DH to go with bubs to SCN. I got all the above! So even though I had an emergency c-section and no labour at all, I still felt empowered, like a woman and like a Mum.

The spinal was my biggest fear but all the staff explained things slowly and in language I could understand and gave me lots of encouragement and it was so easy and I was very calm. When the sheet was up, DH held my hand and kissed my forehead and the assistant anothesiologist (sp?) explained every second of the procedure, told me what kind of sensations to expect and why, it made the whole thing feel like the world slowed down and I was very peaceful and calm. She told me when she could see the babies head and said ' not long now' and then the most beautiful, tear-jerking sound in the world was heard, as bubs was lifted out and made two squawks! they dropped the sheet down so I could see and DH and I looked at each other with the biggest, proudest grins on our faces! The whole room of staff congratulated us and clapped and told us how cute he looked. They took DH over to the baby checkup table and then swiveled a monitor in front of me that let me see everything that was happening at the table, including DH cutting the cord! So I didn't even notice them stitching me back together because I was watching the greatest show on earth on this little monitor.
Then they placed bubs on my chest and DH and I had 10min of newborn snuggles, I was crying, I hadn't felt so overjoyed since my wedding day. Then DH went with midwife to SCN as planned and I got wheeled to recovery while I waited for spinal to wear off. Ladies in recovery were super nice and were on phone to SCN keeping me up to date on everything. Then DH came back up to get me and we went to the ward, where I had my own room. DH went home and back to get my hospy bag etc, it was passed midnight by now and way past visiting hours but everyone was super supportive of him being there. Then after getting all clear from paeds in SCN they wheeled bubs up to my room at 2am and got him latched straight on the breast and he had a great feed, which was such a relief, I was amazed how my body and baby knew what to do. I didnt get any colustrum in pg, so couldnt believe that it was coming out, even though I had no labour and a 100% surgical birth.

I am recovering wonderfully from my op, baby is feeding and burping and pooing and sleeping and doing all the baby things like a pro I am so super happy how things went in the end, I have no regrets or disappointments or feelings of failure. I don't feel any less of a woman or a mum because bubs entered the world the way he did. And bubs doesnt care either, he just wants mummys cuddles and boobies and we are all doing well!

Remember you can do all the planning in the world for a natural drug free vaginal birth... But in the end what is more important than any expectations or desires you have for your labour and birh is this: 'Healthy mum, healthy bubs'.

fyi, bubs heartbeat is now fine. He had the umbilical cord wrapped around him tight, which is what was wrong in the end. So I'm bloody glad I wasn't stubborn about my picture of a perfect vaginal birth or nothing! Cos if I was, I may not have the beautiful baby I do today.



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