Feeling lost

[blayne]

ok well abit about my situation, i am 24 and i have 2 wonderful kids , my son has just turned 4 and my daughter is 3 weeks old, i have had c sections with both.
my son was breech so i had no choice, but i still felt very upset as i was only 20 and very much wanted a natural birth, i had no problem bonding with him at all i didnt get enough breast milk so i could bf which i was devastated about.

my daughter, well, she was head down , engaged and i was having a hell of a time with very bad braxton hicks for weeks, they were only giving me till 39 weeks to go naturally and if i didnt then c section.

WELL at 38 weeks and 4 days i had an internal, cervix still very tightly closed and thick, so i was booked in the next day for a c section.

i feel like a complete failure, my body didnt do what it was ment to , i got an infection this time and it made my milk go sour so i could bf her, i feel like less of a women, i had no problem bonding thank god but i just feel so lost and disappointed in my self,

im sorry im rambling, but has anyone else felt the same and maybe have some advice on how to get through this, im just so lost and angry

[sirenz]

first of all a big for you. I know exactly how you feel.

It is very normal to have these feelings, especially since your bub is only 3 weeks old, so it is still very early days.

I had to have a c/section after an induction, 3 days of labour then he went into distress. About 2 weeks after ds was born, I started thinking how I had failed and my body let me down.

In the end I just had to tell myself that if he was born normally then he probably wouldn't be here right now, so I guess the c/s saved his life.

It is hard to deal with, but you do get passed it I promise you that. It does take time, but for now you need to stay positive and just keep telling yourself "it doesn't matter how they are born, its how you love and care for them that matters most".

As for the b/f well it is very disapointing when you can't bf. I couldn't feed my ds either due to flat nipples, so i had to opt to express full time for him, this was REALLY hard work, in my opinion it was worse than having the cs itself, because i spent most of my time expressing instead of trying to bond with him in other ways. So another big hug for you on this too because I know how disapointing it can be.

Please try not to be so hard on yourself, you are doing a great job, your kids love you and they always will. It is great that you bond so well with them, that means you are doing everything you are supposed to and that is to just love them and care for them the best you can no matter what!