We are experiencing some very challenging behaviour atm from DS (19months). He frequently hits, bites and pinches us and our dog if given the opportunity. He will push and hit other kids too if they get into his space at the park or daycare but the problem is more with us really. Robin Grilles book is good and we have moved more into the empathy guidance (it makes me feel sad when you hit me) and consequence of actions rather than just the directive 'stop/no' etc. If it is just rough play we use 'gentle hands'. Sometimes it is when he is angry but for the most part it is very random. For example a common time that he may hit DH is in the morning when he comes in to our bed for his morning milk. All is calm then 'whack!' on DH's head. We have never smacked him and although we use firm voices we don't tend to yell either although that is becoming more and more difficult for DH who is the most common target. We don't want to use time-out unless there is a real safety concern but have been stopping whatever activity we are doing and making our feelings clear and putting some space between us. Often he doesn't seem to care at all. Is it possible we could be over crowding him? He is an only child but does get time with other kids (1 day at daycare, parks, play centres, playgroup etc) and DH and I sharecare so he gets a lot of one on one time with both of us. I really am at a loss both because we don't know when (or if!) it will end, but more importantly what feelings he is having that triggers this.
Any suggestions?!?!
I don't know - DD would hit us and it's generally out of frustration or tiredness. In these situations we would use time out, just facing her against a wall away from us until she had calmed down and was ready to say she was sorry. We did nickname her John Howard for a while as she would refuse to say sorry but she could always tell us what she had done that had made mummy upset so she knew why she was there.
Sometimes I think the frustration came from being over-stimulated so the facing the wall removed all the stimulation and calmed her down. But I don't know if this is why your DS is doing it. If time out isn't your thing then maybe a calm down cushion that he can sit on until he settles down or something like that might be an alternative.
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Hitting, biting, pinching...
but she could always tell us what she had done that had made mummy upset so she knew why she was there.
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