My toddler son hits people

[RobynG]

Please Help!! My 22 month old son hits people all the time with his hands or with objects. If its not hitting its throwing objects at them. Its embarressing and frustrating. He does it around other kids and its like he wants a reaction. We have tried a few things but I am not sure how to deal with it anymore. Has anyone else had this problem or suggestions about how to teach him not to do hot.

[Ellibam]

do you or any one else hit/smack in your family?
often that is wher they learn it from is by what they have seen!
eye for an eye doesnt work with toddlers

talking can help and also if you try and avoid those situations where he does it?
does he do it out of frustration? anger? boredeom?

[RobynG]

Thanks for your comments ellibugs. There are times when we have smacked him when he does something to put himself in danger, i.e run on the road. Its difficult. I think he is learning but he is at the age when you just have to keep consistantly reinforcing things and its driving me crazy having to say to him over and over, no hitting. We give him time out or confiscate a toy if he was hitting with a toy. He does it when he is excited...which is very often, or when he is frustrated. I just wonder if there is a way he could understand if I show him other ways to express himself. I'm just not sure how.

[Lulu]

Hang in there Robyn, my son is the same. He got belted by a child at playgroup and the rest is history. He was throwing things long before then, and pity for us he is a CRACK SHOT.

Sorry Elli - but talking doesn't work with a 2 yr old! It's generally the fact that they can't communicate themselves that leads to the frustration and lashing out - especially with boys.
Anyway - he probably does want a reaction (it's a sure-fire way to get one!), I find it best to get DS busy and distract him if he gets that look in his eye. I also find ways to praise him when he is good or if he stops himself from hitting so he hopefully will realise that positive attention is more fun than being told off.

There is a great book called Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph, I'd recommend you have a read, I found it fantastic.
Yes, it is embarrassing, you just have to keep on top of it. Lots of kids hit/pull hair/take toys etc, but if you are on top of it most parents don't seem to mind (I think!).

Good Luck!

[Rouge]

I'm pretty strict with hitting. No chances instant consequence. If we're out he is removed from the situation for a specific amount of time and if its at home straight to his room. He is getting better, but he only ever hit his sister and it was usually because he thought it was funny. This past week he's been pretty good so I think its actually sinking in. We also do as Elli suggested and have a big chat about it, if we ask him what he did he do he will say "Hit Sissy. No Seth. No hit Sissy. Sorry Mummy." So he does get it, then he has to apologise to the person he has hit and we kinda remind him of it over the next few hours and praise him for playing nicely and tell him he's being a good boy. Luckily he's not done it to anyone outside of home but regardless he still needs to know its not ok.

I'm really funny about physical disrespect so its one thing I like to really nip in the bud.

[RobynG]

Thanks alot for your comments girls. I will try the art of distraction and praise more. I have noticed him stopping himself from almost hitting a few times but not always acknowleged it. But your right Lulu, its hard to talk to talk to a 2 year old about it. Thanks for understanding, its nice to know I'm not alone.

[Naomi]

My 5yr old went through a hitting stage after he was smacked by a friends child, it took quite a while to get him to understand that it is wrong to hit people, but eventually it worked.
Now if i could only find a miracle cure for his emotional outbursts i'll be set lol

[paradise lost]

My DD often hits out in frustration but she knows she isn't allowed to hit people. She will hit a pillow or the sofa and i don't say anything as i think she needs SOME outlet for rage until she can talk well enough to express herself. I let her go on with it until she looks to me for a response and then i wait for about 5 seconds and offer a distraction. She's usually happy to take it and once she's a bit calmer i'll talk with her about why she got mad and what she did about it.

My main weapon against hitting is to say "we DO NOT hit each other in this house" (though obviously that only works if you never smack). I have said it enough that on the rare occasions when she raises her hand to another person or child i can say "We DO NOT hit..." and she remembers, even though we're not in the house at that moment in time.

If she is excited she can pat too hard, which can escalate into hitting, but i say "Gently darlin', gently" to remind her and she goes more gently then.

I do think mainly it is a problem of unvoiced/unvoicable frustration so i spend a LOT of time reading to her, talking with her and watching her closely to see she's not getting too frustrated (i.e. i watch her struggle with something until JUST before the rage sets in and then help her a little before it does). I kind of see parenting a smart kid like showing pigs in the showring. You can't FORCE them to do what you want, you can only use your board and staff to keep them pointed along the path you want them to take. I try to only present DD with options i'm happy with her taking and if she wanders off the path i jump to step in the way and guide her back the way i'd intended for her.

Bx