DD (5yo) is incredibly anxious. She started school this year and the beginning of the year was ok but over the past few months her behaviour has deteriorated.
She has tantrums now that involve hitting, kicking and head butting. I have tried a great many approaches to this and am now just cuddling her until her temper subsides. (I still outline the boundaries clearly and it can take quite a long time for the tantrum to be over because I do not give in.)
She is now suffering from separation anxiety from me - complaining and crying when I leave for work in the mornings (3 days/week) or not wanting to let me go when I drop her at school.
She has never been totally dry overnight but now she wets the bed every night (she's back in pull-ups) and has started wetting her pants sometimes in the day time (ie not making it to the toilet in time, not making puddles but becoming noticeably wet).
I spoke to our GP the other day who agrees that the issues are related to anxiety. This could be because of school and also my mum is very ill atm and I am getting upset from time to time. Also we haven't been seeing her as much as we used to because the illness and the treatment make her incredibly tired and her immune system is suffering. I have spoken to Nat a bit (very simply) about how Grandma doesn't feel well, feels very tired etc but haven't gone into anything in depth. Nat doesn't talk about it, doesn't indicate that she even thinks about Grandma being sick. She also doesn't talk about school in a negative way - she genuinely seems to enjoy it.
I am not sure how to resolve any of this, or how to work out where to start in addressing her anxiety. The GP's suggestion (apart from a urine sample to check for UTI) was loads of reassurance and positive reinforcement. The GP is not worried about nocturnal enuresis in a 5yo as she says this is a development issue that will come in time. If she is not dry overnight by the time she's 7 we will look into alarm systems.
But after leaving for work this morning and having her desperate for me to stay, and according to DH she cried rivers when I left, I just feel so hopeless and I want to help her. If it were your child would you look into professional help? Or should I just persevere with reassuring her as much and as often as I possibly can?
Firstly in relation to the tantrums - a technique I have just seen is staying with the child and getting them to breathe through their nose (you do it at the same time with them). It seems that they have to concentrate on breathing rather than kicking, hitting etc....
I would seek professional help for the anxiety and whilst waiting to see someone still trying to reassure your DD that you are coming home from work etc...
Can she read the time? If so, then you can tell her 'Mummy is going to work, I will see you tonight at X time...' 'Have a great time at school, can't wait to hear about it'.
I do agree with the wetting at day/night - it is something that clicks in the brain and I know that my DD has regressed a little bit with some changes that are going on in our lives atm. She tends to 'forget' to go and is a little wet from time to time during the day. Nights seems to be ok atm.
I think you handled the issue with your mum being ill quite well. Do you think she would benefit from making a get well card for her grandmother?
((hugs)) chick, sounds like a very stressful time and one that needs professional direction IMO
Hi Snacks! I have a pretty anxious DD, she has had massive improvements over the last 6 months but she is definitely a worrier. I hae found that the first few weeks back at school after holidays take some readjustment and we have setbacks with our separation 'routine'. This term has been the best start so far but we still have wobbles.
Have you had any feedback from her teacher, they may be able to guide you more as to her responsiveness at school? She may be fine once the day gets underway. How is she going with her peers?
What is your gut feeling about seeking help? Is it possible for you to seek out some options pathways before committing to a particular approach?
FWIW there are quite a few kids night wetting in DD's class and a few who are still in 'nappy' type pull ups with no inclination to night training at this stage. Also there have been some fairly challenging behaviours amongst her class recently, lots of acting out compared to the start of the year. Our teacher has the kids talking about 'I messages' (so how they feel), how they can positively respond to these feelings as well as 'bouncing back' - so I wonder if it is a developmental stage?
Sorry I seem to have more questions for you than answers!! GL xxxx
Thanks girls.
I really like the bookmark idea - we might do something like that here.
I am going to see how she goes over the next couple of weeks and reassess what we need to do then. Some days I feel she is making huge progress and then others she seems to not be able to cope with anything.
Thanks for the support, both of you. The reassurance means a lot. x
It's amazing what kids pick up on. I wonder if a lot of this is to do with your mum being unwell? I think kids often get funny notions in their heads that totally stress them out and don't think to tell anyone so they can set them straight. So maybe she has some funny thought (perhaps about you not returning) that is really worrying her?
Would it hurt to get some counseling? If nothing else, it could reassure you that everything is ok. But it also might really help her.
Yep, I am going to take her to a child psych.
Today her teacher told us she needs to speak with us because DD has lost all motivation in class, isn't completing tasks and I have noticed she doesn't want to read her readers either. We certainly need some help.
Thanks for all the great advice girls.
When is it time to seek counselling?
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks