So early last week I was told at pick up that DS was bitten by another child on the upper arm. Apparently he and the other child were niggling at each other all day in the vein of "you want to go on the slide? no, I'm going to block you!"; "you want to play with that toy? no, I'm going to take it and run away" kind of stuff. The carer's only said the other child was a girl and I got the impression that she and DS knew each other reasonably well so I'm assuming she was in the room last year as well. DS is turning 2 next week.
Apparently she was sitting on a chair and he wanted to sit there. She wouldn't move so he sat on her and she responded by biting him. He got a little upset they said because it probably hurt. They put a cold face washer on it and then let him get on with the day. The bite didn't break the skin but it was still quite red and he got a bruise there a couple of days later.
Would you freak out about this? Would it concern you in any way? I'm asking because I am not that concerned. I think biting can be a normal stage that lots of kids go through. My main worry was that DS might have learned that biting is an option for him when he doesn't like what someone else is doing. I figure that he sat on another child and he probably hurt her so she was going to retaliate (she would be younger than him as he is the eldest in the room now but I don't know by how much). Basically I don't have a major drama with what happened or how the carer's handled it but when I have mentioned it to people IRL they have kind of freaked out a bit. People with and without kids seem to think it's a massive big deal. Haven't kids always tried biting each other since time began?
Hmm, I probably wouldn't freak out but maybe that's because Pie has been known to chomp down in moments of extreme frustration. TBH I don't see it as a learned behaviour, when she does it she's clearly hugely frustrated... I think it's almost more of an instinctive thing IYKWIM? I mean I would hate to hear of her being bitten by another child, but I don't think I'd freak out as such... because I agree with you, I think it's kind of normal. They generally grow out of it very quickly.
Kaz - its very normal behaviour for the exploring phenomenon that is a 2yo - and as their speech skills are still developing its just their way of showing frustration
Unless it was a very regular occurrence, I'd just put it down to one of those 'toddler' behaviours on the "TO BE EXPECTED" list
No, I wouldn't. To me it's as you said... one of those things that children go through. If it was repeated and I felt that it was not being addressed appropriately, then yes, I would be concerned. But the way you describe it, as long as I felt my DD was processing it ok, then I wouldn't worry too much.
I actually had one of the carers approach me and very sheepishly tell me that she had accidentally hit my DD on the head quite hard - was vigorously cleaning a table and DD walked up behind her and connected with her elbow. The carer looked like she expected me to hit her or sue her or something. Seemed stunned when I laughed and said 'oh the poor love... did she hold it against you?!'. If you're under-reacting, so am I!
Santosha as a child care worker, I love you! To have understanding parents is a carers dream! I've had parents that react as if you were intentionally abusing their child in a situation such as you described......
As to the biting - Kaz, I also love you! The way that parents react to biting can be extreme - until their child bites, then their attitude usually changes, though some still see it through rose coloured glasses - ie my child was provoked by someone else's horror!
Biting is very normal for some childrren, it's awful, as a carer we feel powerless as there really is nothing much you can do to prevent it, biters can be very sneaky - we had one who used to wait until some other drama had the carer/s busy and whammo. Others bite for absolutely no reason and just for exploration reasons.
Every parent will react differently, but coming from my point of view, biting is normal.
Edited to add: Yes Kazbah, it is not nice to be on the other side either- normally though a parent wouldn't be told who's child bit their child, but if it is an older child, then they will probably be able to tell mum who bit them.
DD has just started daycare, just 1 morning a week. She has bitten 1 of my friends LO a few times and im terrified shes going to do it a daycare. It makes me so sad that shes doing it
It happens, my son was a biter, and he was bitten a fair bit too. and please, from someone who spent nights crying about her son biting, let the other mother know that you don't blame her. It really is a dominance thing, and with ours it stopped against one kid when they went playing on playdates outside of CC with mum. The other kid he bit mother wouldn't talk to me and he kept biting her.
My youngest son bites, my oldest doesn't and never has. He how ever gets bitten when he frustrates his little brother. Ollie bites only when hes super frustrated and doesn't know what else to do. I was horrified the 1st 100 times he bit, but its something he will grow out of. We encourage him to use his words and for his brother to listen. I don't know if hes bitten at kindy but hes come home with scratches on his face from arguments. I really think its a faze with young kids- as long as its only when frustrated not all the time.
My oldest son hasn't picked up biting so I don't think its something you learn, more an instinct thing LOL.
Both my children have been bitten at childcare, with bruises to show. Both instances were them not giving up things that another child obviously wanted. And I have not been overly concerned. They were treated with cuddles and icepaks, can't really ask for more.
If it was ongoing, then yes I would be concerned especially if it is the same child doing the biting, or my child/ren were constantly stirring to get that reaction. I can only assume that the parents of the biter also have to sign and incident report so they are made aware of it (I wasn't told either time which child did the biting). and before I get shot down, I do understand that sometimes there is no trigger for the child biting, but I know when my DD went through a biting thing with DS, I was able to pinpoint what was causing it, and distracting her so she found other ways to get over her frustration. I would assume most parents would at least try to work out why their child was biting.
DS has bitten and has been bitten. That's what little children do - although DS was heavily supervised when he went through his phase and, a year or so on, the staff changed and supervision was not so good, so DS had some VERY nasty bites from one child. I didn't mind so much at first, this happens, but if it happens a lot then you watch the biter, not let my son bleed and bruise.
He has moved nursery now, but that wasn't the only reason (DS being scared of the little biter and Nursery not really being fussed about his anxieties kicked off a lot of problems for him).
I have been one both ends. My eldest was the subject of a persistent biter. He still has two scars from it 2 years later. However, saying that, the daycare were very proactive in separating them and ensuring they only spent minimum time together. They also saw it was a symptom of other issues for the boy and talked to his mother who agreed to get his evaluated as his development was much slower than the others his age. As long as it was dealt with immediately and steps taken to ensure that it should not happen again, I was satisfied. After all, it is a normal stage in development for many children. Carers and I also talked to my son to make sure he knew it was nothing to do with him and help him understand the other boy needed help.
My youngest was the biter. This was mortifying. Even though they couldn't tell me who the other children were, I just made sure I loudly asked the other parents who my son had bitten so I could personally apologise. They seemed to like this approach and many were pleased that I personally spoke to them about it. DS2 grew out of it after about 5 months and now only bites when his brother won't get off him when they are wrestling and he is being squashed.
So, to answer your question, IMO it is not worth freaking out over unless the carers are not being proactive and trying to minimise the biting. Biting happens.
Thanks for the replies everyone. I am not freaked and it's nice to hear that others in here aren't either (IRL has been a bit of a different story).
Kazbah sounds horrible to be ignored by another mother over something like that. That is interesting how playing with the other child stopped the biting for your DS. They didn't tell me who the child was and tbh I didn't even ask because I knew they wouldn't say. I definitely wouldn't blame them though and would be upfront about that if I ever did find out (i.e. if the child bit DS while I was there or something).
It's nice too to hear that some of your kids didn't start biting just cause they were bitten. Some kids do and some don't. While biting doesn't freak me out, I do hope that DS doesn't start it and when I think about why, it's the reactions of other adults that I want to avoid.
DD1 was bitten a number of times by 2 separate boys during her time at CC and it hasn't affected her at all. DD2 has also been bitten and hit, once again she seems unperturbed and neither have started biting or hitting in any copycat sort of manner. I didn't freak out and I think you are also doing the right thing by not freaking out. If you make an issue out of it then they are more likely to remember it, rather than forget about it and move on.
Ds1 has been at cc now for about a month and he has been bitten twice. First time was on his first day there too. I'm not worried about it, just one of those things that happen with kids and I know it's a normal phase when they can't express themselves and bite to show frustration. DS went through a bit of a biting phase when his brother was born and his bite at cc seems to gave stopped him from biting. He hasn't done it since so maybe he learnt how horrible it is. Last time DS was bitten at child care was just before I picked him up. He was sitting in the carers lap with a cold cloth on his hand getting cuddles and sympathy from the other kids so I was happy with the way it was dealt with. The carer was very apologetic. It's not like I blame her. Just one of those things.
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Biting at childcare - would you freak out?
and please, from someone who spent nights crying about her son biting, let the other mother know that you don't blame her. It really is a dominance thing, and with ours it stopped against one kid when they went playing on playdates outside of CC with mum. The other kid he bit mother wouldn't talk to me and he kept biting her.
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