WWYD? Childcare on 1st Birthday

[Frangipani Lou]

I'm stuck. I return to work In a week and DD will be with my parents for 1 day, my cousin for 2 days and family day care for 1 day a week.

This week we will go for a visit and then on her first official day I plan to leave her there for a couple of hours. It's not what I want to do on my last day on maternity leave with my baby girl but I don't want to leave her in care with no practice or settling in period.
The thing is, the following week is her first birthday and we have both taken the day off and DDs Nanna will be here from Interstate for the week.
I dont want it to be 2 weeks between care for DD and I thought I'd just take her for an hour on her birthday so she stays familiar with the FDC home and educator. DP got very upset tonight when I suggested this. It's not what I want either but I know settling into care can be stressful for young children and I don't want that for DD. it breaks my heart to be leaving her anyway.
I wonder if DP, Nanna and I could just spend time with DD at FDC on her birthday.
What would you do?

[Tinks]

Could you change the day she will be at FDC just this once?

[Astrid]

Tough one. A week between care days can be long enough as it is, so I think missing a week might make it harder. Can you decide after she has had her first session alone there? What does the carer think? She would be used to the settling in period and may know more about whether that one day off will cause issues or not.

My only concern would be if you took her for that hour, that she would pick on on the stress about the situation and connect that with going to FDC all the time, rather than it being related to the one off of it being her birthday. From you posts it has been a whole stressful process and I would be really concerned about adding more to it.

[wysiwyg]

What would I do? I would either change the day you have booked off to a non FDC day and make that her birthday. Or if that can't be done take her to FDC for quite a normal day and use the time for you and your DH to yourself and preparing for a tea/party once you pick her up.

I wouldn't do anything different at FDC e.g spending time there etc, I personally would rather just miss the FDC day.

I was away in Sydney for my DS second birthday we just 'moved' it to the Sunday before.

[Frangipani Lou]

It'll be my first week back at work and kinder sessions are fixed and the rest of the FDC educators spaces are fully booked. The spot we have booked with FDC is the worst day because its a casual work day for me and not one of my permanent days.
I'm concerned about throwing DD in the deep end for a whole day which could be traumatic.

[wysiwyg]

So on the birthday day - if it wasn't her birthday you would only be sending her for a few hours anyway as part of a ramp up? - a couple this week, a few more next week (birthday day) and then the following week a full or nearly full day at the FDC?

If it was me then I would just stick with that plan - and wouldn't miss the FDC as then like you say if you are leaving her for much longer the following week would be harder. She doesn't know it is her birthday - although maybe disappointing for your DH and you I would think is better for her, to go on that day and it be as normal as possible there - there will still be plenty of hours to celebrate her birthday.

[Frangipani Lou]

Exactly wysiwyg. I'm trying to gradually increase hours for her.
The following week I might leave her in care for a half day and get my mum to pick her up at 12 so she's not in for a full day so early.

[Kazzo]

So on the birthday day - if it wasn't her birthday you would only be sending her for a few hours anyway as part of a ramp up? - a couple this week, a few more next week (birthday day) and then the following week a full or nearly full day at the FDC?

If it was me then I would just stick with that plan - and wouldn't miss the FDC as then like you say if you are leaving her for much longer the following week would be harder. She doesn't know it is her birthday - although maybe disappointing for your DH and you I would think is better for her, to go on that day and it be as normal as possible there - there will still be plenty of hours to celebrate her birthday.

This is what I would do. Take her and then set up some balloons or something at home as a little suprise for her. You have so much time to celebrate her birthday, one hour or so wont make the day any less special for her.

BTW, I can't believe your little girl is going to be one already.

[terry]

Like some of the other mums have said I would take her to FDC. I felt the same about leaving my DD and I gradually increased her days each week. When the time came for me to return to work and DD to go to care she was well adjusted and we didn't have the tears anxiety etc. SOme of the other mums I know struggled as did the bubs as they went into care at the same time as mums went back to work.

[Frangipani Lou]

Thanks folks for your ideas and input. DP and I will have another discussion ASAP and work out a plan.