As background, Sam's 2 years and 9 months, a complete dummy addict, but we were having a great deal of success in limiting his dummy use to sleep time only. He's been going to this day care centre since he was one. He seems to really like the staff there and appears to be doing ok.

And then there was Friday.

On Friday when I picked him up, I noticed that he was a bit more upset than usual and just a bit more insistent on being given his dummy back than usual. It's normal for me to get there and he doesn't have a dummy, but often asks for it when he sees me going to get it from where they are stored. We can usually divert him and get him to come home without it in his mouth, but on Friday there were tears over no dummy.

While I was collecting him, one of the carers told me he was "being defiant" at sleep time and would not lay down on his bed, so one of the carers took his dummy away from him and told him he could have it back if he lay down. I was told that he shot the carer a filthy look and said no and continued to refuse to lay down. He was told again that he could have his dummy back if he lay down. More filthy looks, more digging in his heals, more outright refusal.

At this point we were interrupted by another parent needing something of their child's and the conversation was ended and I do not know how the stand off ended. I do know (from reading in the book) that Sam did eventually have a sleep, but I have no idea how they went about it.

Ever since, I have had an extremely anxious, clingy and unhappy child. He's normally upset when DH leaves for work (real daddy's boy) but we've had hysterics when DH leaves for church or work.

After a lot of hard work we had got to the point where Sam would happily hand over his dummy when asked and put it away with no issues. If something was upsetting him or he was over-tired he wouldn't, but we could see that pretty quickly and leave it with him for a bit longer. It was great having him use it less and he was starting to talk more.

Since Friday he will not let his dummy go. He will not give it up for anything. If he's given something to eat and drink, the confused expression on his face over how he's going to hold his food, drink and get his dummy out is just incredible. If he's eating, it must be in his hand. Not even on the table beside his plate - in his hand.

I'm appalled that they have attempted to use my child's comfort item (we have tried repeatedly to get him to use a soft toy, a blanket, anything, but nope - gotta be a dummy) in such a way to enforce behaviour. I'm extremely upset about the way it has effected my child - seeing a child so young going through such severe anxiety issues is just heartbreaking.

But the big problem - it was the director that did it! If it had been any other member of staff that had done it I would have had no hesitation about going to the director and talking to them and insisting that it never happen again - because it has just undone over 12 months of hard work in dummy weaning without stressing him out! But who do you go to when it's the director that's done the thing that is upsetting you? On what planet is it ok for someone caring for a child not their own to treat them in such a manner?

I'm very upset and just have no idea what to do. I'm very tempted to pull him out, but due to a medical procedure I have coming up I need Sam to stay there as my procedure is on a day care day and it's one less issue for an already incredibly stressful day. But if my child's anxiety is going to get worse???

I just really don't know what to do. He's supposed to go again tomorrow - I often feel like I'm being rushed out the door at drop off (and it can be the same at pick up) and while I understand that they are just trying to avoid lingering goodbyes and the upset that it causes the children, I really don't think I'm comfortable leaving him without this issue being addressed... only I don't know how to address it.

BW