so confused and upset about what to do...

[megb]

I am mega confused about what to do with my DD who is 3 years of age.

I'm blaming day care for her bad behaviour. Is it ok to even do that? I understand heaps of kids gain confidence/get awesome social skills with other kids from day care and that has indeed happened to my DD! But...and here's the but...since attending day care in February, she's got real attitude. I know there are a couple of kids in her class that are horrid, very bad behaved boys, they even push kids and of course she comes home and tells me she's been pushed.

She goes two days a week, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. On the Thursday, she's naughty as anything, she laughs when I send her to her room for being naughty, she is naughty to her 1 year old brother, she does everything I don't want her to and she pushes and pushes and pushes.

On the Friday, she gets a little better then by the weekend she's fine again. It was getting that way where she was saying she didn't want to go to day care anymore. Now she does.

I don't need to send her, I'm home with my 1 year old DS. So what do I do? Keep sending her? Or stop it until proper kindy next year? Honestly, not only that, we keep getting sick, gastro numerous times and colds, she's had one for months now. I'm over the whole house being sick, her attitude, everything.

What would you do?

[Phteven]

If it's not working for you then pull her out. Child-care isn't a developmental milestone and children aren't missing out if they don't go.
If you enjoy the time off maybe look at other local childcare centers to find one that is a better fit or ask your family to babysit (if that's the kind of family/relationship you have).

[LizLemon]

If it's not working for you then pull her out. Child-care isn't a developmental milestone and children aren't missing out if they don't go.
If you enjoy the time off maybe look at other local childcare centers to find one that is a better fit or ask your family to babysit (if that's the kind of family/relationship you have).

Just what I was going to say. Their years before school go so quickly, that if it's causing you grief and she doesn't need to be there then I'd pull her out. I was tempted to put DS (nearly two) into day care for a day a week to socialise him as a couple of the mothers group girls did that, but then I figured he will get socialised enough when he goes to kindy, and I wanted to have as much time with him as possible. Also the idea of him bringing home bugs every week, especially with a new bub on the way and I just couldn't deal with it.

[megb]

this is so hard. she's made a good couple of friends there :-( and i know she loves her teachers.

there was a couple of weeks where she cried when i'd leave her. then this week she didn't cry, she was fine.

there are a couple of naughty boys there. i know she'll get that in school but i am just wondering whether 3 is too young to be exposed to that behaviour. the pushing and shoving to be more precise. i might look into family day care as we don't have any family support. i've heard that's good sometimes because there isn't as many kids.

there are 14 children in her class at the moment. i don't send her if she's sick but i know some other parents don't have a choice, they have to go to work. but gastro is not fun. she gets it, then my 1 year old (which is so awful for a baby to have), i get it and then DP gets it and needs time off work. this has happened to us a few times in the past few months. diarrohea, vomiting and colds.

is there any other alternative to social interaction other than day care? i've thought about play groups? are they any good?

i'm just wondering if there are any other mums out there that actually pulled their kids out of day care because they kept getting sick or their behaviour changed??? i am feeling rather guilty because i don't want DD to resent me for taking her out...

[ubba82]

I went back to work when DD1 was 6 months old. She was in childcare until she went to 'real' kinder (not a childcare centre. I found she really thrived at childcare.
DS on the other hand didnt handle child care at all. I ended up stopping work and pulling him out until he went to kinder. He did much better being at home with me.
He is now in prep (first year of school) and is well socialised from his year at kinder.
Hope that helps x

[Traveller]

I found playgroups really suited me. My kids got the chance to socialise but I was there to supervise and ensure that any bad behaviour (from them or other kids) was dealt with straight away. If childcare is making you unhappy then don't do it. I didn't even put DS2 to kinder for half a year as he was unhappy there. There is no pressure for you to keep her there if it doesn't suit you. Just go with your gut on this one

[prama]

at 3 I think, the pushing etc is common BUT the carers need to tell the kids it's not acceptable and they will not be allowed to take part in activities until the next one. With DS when there was some pushing when DD was born, his carer spoke to us about his behaviour. he was manifesting adjusting to a newborn at day care.
have the carers spoken to you or have you had a chat about how she is at day care, does she do the same there as at home? are they aware of what the boys are doing and the affect on her?
good luck hun..

[Kmn]

The keeping getting sick is going to happen whenever she interacts with a big group of kids, while her immune system learns about the big bad world of bugs. It's either going to be now, or the first 6 months of kindy, or the first part of school.
What do her carers think about her behaviour - can you enlist their help in encouraging her to "stay nice"??

[prama]

yes, she will get sick at day care, all kids do. if not now, she will at school. it's better they get sick now as by the time they get to school, their immune sys would be strong enough.

[black_rose]

Encourage her not to play with the boys who push and shove. Dd1 no longer plays with one of the boys she was friends with because he hits and shoves. The staff are working on his behaviour but in the meantime they all stay away from him when he acts out.

But at the end of the day if its not for you take her out and go to play groups until she starts kinder.

[leesha]

Don't feel guilty about pulling her out. I get told all the time my nearly 3yr old should be in daycare for his social wellbeing and all these other resons. I don't buy it.
We have our "mothers group" meet up once a week still at a playgroup centre and we visit friends with kids, do swimming lessons, library story time and cratfs. This is enough and I still have control over who he interacts with and when someone is sick they don't come and spread the lovebugs around!

[lilima]

I dint think you should be blaming the cc for her behavior. Maybe she plays up more at home after the two days because she is tired, or she has spent two full days concerntrating and "working hard" that she needs to let off steam.
Also the term naughty boys doesn't sit well with me. I have a 4 yo boy, and he does play rougher games. That's just how some kids interact. As long as it is controlled and within reason. I can't imagine that the carers letting the boys hurt other kids.

[Liz]

Tbh she sounds like a 3 yr old the age of 3 for us both times has been attitude, attitude, pushing boundaries, and more attitude *long sigh*

There is no harm in pulling her out tho if that sits better with you. have a chat with the carers about how she handles herself and what/how they encourage them to deal with rough play etc. I definitely agree with the above tho that tiredness and stimulation can make them play up the next day or two. But go with what feels right.. She doesn't have to go there to be social

[megb]

lilima, I was merely saying there were a couple of naughty boys there in her class. I know this because the teachers are working with one of them in particular as there have been other parents complaining of pushing from him. I wasn't using it as a term "naughty boys" so don't take that the wrong way please. I have a 1 year old boy don't forget and he's a very placid little creature. He likes to climb up on things but he is so much more placid than my DD was at this age. In no way do I think that boys are naughty and girls are nice!! Also, my DD is not naughty at CC, she's being naughty at home. I agree, she is probably tired. I spoke to her teachers this morning and the director of the centre and we're just breaking up her days so they aren't together, we'll see how that goes and monitor it. She doesn't sleep well at CC but will sleep 2.5hours from lunch time at home. Could merely be her being 3 years old I agree. With the sickness thing, I am aware they get sick for a while to build up their immune systems. But it definitely isn't nice when Mummy gets gastro, Daddy can't come home from work and I have no support from family. Having no support is hard. When I am vomiting, DS is vomiting and DD is vomiting, it just makes me want to cry my eyes out!!! But yes I know there will come a time where they pick things up. Thanks for your replies. Sorry to vent, I just wanted to know whether other Mums felt the same thing. xxx

[*Efjay*]

Can you send her on days those boys are not there & see if that helps? Or maybe do half days?
I have to agree though with who said its the age. My DD who is 4 is a night mare with attitude. They all warn you about the terrible 2's but no one says anything about what happens with Girls when they approach/turn 4!

I personally don't agree with the idea that they either get sick now at day care or sick at school, get it over with early. I would look at changing centers if she is always bringing home bugs. They obviously don't have a very good system in place there about keeping sick kids away. My boys/household never got sick like that when they attended daycare 2 days a week & they never get sick like that now while at school. Sure we get the tummy bags when they do the rounds but all the family's do. But to be on a constant cycle of being sick.... Thats not normal :/

[HotI]

The keeping getting sick is going to happen whenever she interacts with a big group of kids, while her immune system learns about the big bad world of bugs. It's either going to be now, or the first 6 months of kindy, or the first part of school.

i don't think this is a reason for kids to attend childcare though.

[Kmn]

No, nor do I - but I don't really think it's a reason to pull out either.
The question for me boils down to "Is my child enjoying being at childcare" - which, if they are, then I wouldn't pull them out.....

[~Raven~]

I had to make the same choice because daycare was making my son very difficult at home. I decided to take him out and it was the best thing for him.