Need Advice tonight please!

[PinkPalace]

DD started preschool programme 2 days a week at the end of janurary. So it has been about 5 weeks.

The past 3-4 weeks DD has had dreadful seperation anxiety.
In absolute hysterics when i leave her there although they say she settles well after and no tears after.

However at home her behaviour is dreadful in this time too. Whingy and clingy, fights more with brother.

SHe refuses bedtime and will kick the biggest tantrum for up to an hour (havent had a problem with sleep in months!).

Screams when i go to work, screams no to staying with daddy.

I cant even have a shower or go to the toliet without her in hysterics unless if let her in with me.

Do you think it would make a difference if i took her only 1 day a week instead of two.

I understand people say it is easier for them to get used to it 2 days.
But she has been in care before 2 days a week and i never had this problem.

i need to decide tomorrow to drop her a day and try 2 days a week next year (when she is will be 3.5 years).

what would you do??

[ladybird11]

I personally would keep sending her only to help keep the routine going...

Maybe speak to a staff member there about how the best way to say goodbye is, sounds silly but sometimes a quick kiss and 'mummy will be back for you soon' might be the best thing for her (not sure what you do already)?

I read somewhere playing 'hide and seek' may help in some cases as it reassures the child that mummy will be coming back, IYKWIM?

[PinkPalace]

She knows i come back. she tells me mummy comes back.
i am very quick with my good byes - like i said he has been in care 2 days a week since she was 18months - this is just a new preschool this year.

Its just her behaviour as a whole has changed and it worries me

[skeetaboat]

How old is she? Is she old enough to verbalise? Can she tell you why she is upset?

Does she have to go? How long are the days? Can you go and stay with her a couple of days? It might give you some insight into what it could be that's upsetting her. I know some say that you shouldn't do this but this helped my son recently when he started disliking daycare (incidently, after we dropped from 2 days per week to 1 day per week). I would hang around for half and hour and chat with the carer, play with him, etc. Then I would say 'OK i'm going to go now, are you going to stay?' and he always chose to stay. It was a gentle option that worked for us.

If it were me & my DD, that behaviour would ring alarm bells, especially if it hasn't improved in the 5 weeks and after coping fine with separation in day care.

Trust your gut. You know her best.

[MantaRay]

It's a tough call hun The behaviour certainly suggests that she is not doing well with the 2 days. It is hard to know whether she'll settle soon or not. My feeling is that dropping just one day won't solve the issue - it's probably more a matter of giving it a bit longer or pulling the pin until next year (or in a few months if that's an option). Then you are faced with what happens if she is the same again when you try next year. At some stage she will have to be away from you during the day.

I wish I could give you some magic answers hun The only advice I can really give is to sleep on it, and trust your instincts. I am a big believer in mums' instincts - we just need to take the time to listen.

All the best hun. I hope it works out

[skeetaboat]

it's probably more a matter of giving it a bit longer or pulling the pin until next year (or in a few months if that's an option). Then you are faced with what happens if she is the same again when you try next year. At some stage she will have to be away from you during the day.

If a child finds it difficult to go to preschool/childcare/kindy, are they always going to find it difficult to go even if you hold them back a year? Or will the maturity gained in that year help them when you do resend them? Can anyone with experience starting kindy and then deciding to hold back share?

Sorry to hijak the thread PinkPalace.. I think it is relevant to your question though. I'm not convinced that it will always be as difficult as what you're finding, my feeling is that if you do hold her back she'd cope with it better. HOWEVER, I haven't had personal experience with it so thought others may be able to share theirs...

Another thought I've had - could there be an older child who is picking on her? (hence why she was fine at child care but struggling here)

[miss kris]

Is she being bullied there?

[MantaRay]

skeeta, I think that depends on the child. I know that last year DS1 had a couple of kids in his kindy class (4 yos) that didn't cope well, one girl cried every morning for two terms. This year at school there have also been a couple of kids not settle in well. So I think for some kids it will happen no matter what the age. But I'm sure for others, the age is a factor and waiting will make a difference. It's not always easy to know which it is for your child though - I think a crystal ball would make parenting much easier!

Best of luck!