i have a 16 month old bub called bilby.

She screams when you lie her down to change her
She screams when i put her in the playpen
She screams when i take her into the bedroom where the cot is
(regardless of time of day, even if i just want to get dressed)
She screams when i put her in the cot
(will not play or do anything there, let alone lie down)
the constant screaming is really wearing me down

day sleeps are rare
night sleeps are not great, random

we've made many attempts to instill a nighttime routine

going to sleep with her on the bed, before transferring her to cot
putting her in cot and sitting next to it on a stool, no eye contact - she stands and screams the entire time, we pick her up every 15 mins, the only time she stops screaming is in our arms, then it starts again once put down in the cot

the books seem to talk about ways to resettle your baby when they wake up

are there any gentle parenting books that help you if your child won't lie down in the cot to start with?

we get to a stage, even if baby is in bed with us, she won't let us cuddle her, won't let us read her a story, wants indefinite breastfeeding.

only thing she really likes is us standing up holding her. we both have bad backs, so that can't occur for very long.

i'm often so worn out by a day of her, that i don't have the where with all, to do this at night properly anyway. i'm constantly ill and rundown with lack of sleep and poor quality sleep.

so frustrated.

we really want her to sleep separately now, with her walking, it's no longer safe for her to be in our bed, when i fall asleep at 5am thru exhuastion and am not awake to monitor her walking ON the bed.

she is not a cuddly bub, but loves breastfeeding.

she will go to sleep if walked around the block, falls asleep in the pram, wakes up a hour or two later in the hallway, once home. so we start all over again. our area is not well lit, or terribly safe, so going out walking is a last ditch effort for us.

all this crying is driving me bananas.

bilby (for all of this) looks very healthy.
her parents do not
she is also refusing most food, except breastmilk and cereal. we had been just getting into soft pieces (FINALLY!) and now she is even rejecting purees. SHe chokes on tiny things and often even the stuff she had been chewing well, she refuses to swallow it.

so frustrated.

at 16 months, she is having one hour long breastfeeds, and screams blue murder when i attmept to detach her.