11 month old, co-sleeping, breastfeeding all night + full time working Mum - ideas?

[Juliette]

Hello all!

Please forgive me if this issue has been covered elsewhere on the forum (as I'm sure it has been). I am just waaaay too tired to search

I LOVE co-sleeping with my babies. All of them have been in my bed. ATM I have my nearly one year old and my three year old in the bed - Hubby often sleeps in 3yo's bed because even in a King Sized bed it gets crowded, and we end up sore when we wake up. Having said that however, I have recently gone back to work, and I miss them during the day, so despite the challenges I absolutely treasure the time I have with them at night.

My main problem ATM is that DD (almost 1) is up every 2 hours wanting to feed. Does anyone else find this? Is it just because my boobs and I are in such close proximity she smells it and wakes more frequently to feed? I suspect I must wake her with my sleepy noises too at times, and the only way to get her back to sleep is to feed her. I have had pretty serious pnd and anxiety this time during pregnancy and post, so sleep is even more important for me to stay well. My psychiatrist (a perinatal specialist) wants to send me to sleep school and insists that I need to somehow sort out the sleep situation so she wakes less at night - most people say that by this age she should be well and truly sleeping through the night. So here I am, determined to co-sleep (or at the very least employ gentle methods for getting bubba to sleep), working full time in a very demanding job, breastfeeding all night long, totally exhausted, struggling with managing my anxiety, trying to care for 3 children, clean the house, wash the clothes, cook the dinner, make sure bills are paid and all the other stuff that goes with managing family affairs. I should mention at this point that DH is a stay at home dad - but he sees this as mostly child care, and housework is most definately NOT part of his job description (nor does he care if it is done at all for that matter). I need the place to be relatively clean and tidy for my sanity, so I get stuck with doing it all...anyhow I digress.

What I am really after is some ideas re: how I can get more sleep so I can more effectively manage the everyday challenges of life. How do you do it? Do your babies still wake in the night at this age? Is this inevitable with co-sleeping? I can't even remember what the other two did - I think they also woke during the night, but I was much more well and coped better with it...

Any thoughts? Reassurance? Ideas? Reality checks?

[danita]

dear juliette-

i completely understand how you feel, my DD was exactly the same and up to about 1 week ago she started sleeping through the night, the saddest part is she did it in her own bed she would normally go down in her bed then wake to come into ours but has been sleeping through in her bed and now she is weaned from Bf she is 17mths old now. back when she was 1 though i was finding it really difficult to lay on my side and feed her all night due to my carpel tunnel the pain was extreme so i wasnt sleeping much and although i dont technically work full time i had 5 other children to look after in the day.i was also finding she wasnt actually feeding but rather just wanting to be attatched for comfort sucks.
you are working a double full time job trying to take care of housework and working..i think you need to have a chore chart or something for your Dh listing the 3 or 5 most important chores to do in the day while you are work. listing the actual thing and making a short list might be better recieved then just saying please clean the house, i know my DH has no idea what a clean house entails.

sorry if this reply didnt help i hope it gets better soon sending you lots of hugs and sleep vibes**

[Juliette]

Thank you for your reply Shantelle I can imagine your day must be very demanding with 5! Even though hubby doesn't do the housework, I still think he has the tougher job with 3 kids! I might try your idea to list just a few tasks for DH to do each day. I guess breaking it down into manageable parts might be more meaningful to him than ranting about "cleaning the house". I guess it is an ambiguous request! lol. We usually put Aimee down in her own portacot (next to ours) and then she comes in with us at about 11pm. I suppose I can hope that she starts sleeping longer on her own...I could try putting her to sleep in the cot in her own room (which our babies have never really slept in for long because I'm a sucker and always end up bringing them in with me).

[Santosha]

Sorry for brief reply... I'm toddler-wrangling. Just wanted to say that we've been there. It was EXHAUSTING! Ended up night-weaning at about 13 months using the Jay Gordon method -google should find it for you. Involved less sleep for about 5 nights so pick yr timing, but ultimately meant that we were still co-sleeping but DD was sleeping from about 8-5, waking for one feed then sleeping till 7. More sanity all-round. Hope you get more sleep very soon. Oxo

[kiwimummy]

I have no advice for you sorry. Just a comment on the is it normal/do yours still do this part - I think it is (unfortunately perhaps!). A large number of 1yr olds still wake at night needing some kind of reassurance, whether that be a feed or something else. My 19 month old often breastfeeds 2-3hrly all night long. I think that kind of night feeding can often be increased when mums go back to work too. So you are missing her in the day and therefore treasure the time at night - she is just the same! Wanting that increased contact.

I have no ideas how to make it easier for you though. It must be very tiring! Hugs and sleep vibes to you!

[Arcadia]

It's perfectly normal and natural. You could consider trying to detach her from the breast before she's asleep, so give her a few sucks and then take her off. I found this reduced dds night wakings. She started sleeping through only when I night weaned her at 18ish months.

It's tough. You're a great mum!!