Desperate - dont know what to do anymore.

[~Debbie~]

Aiden has been a generally not bad sleeper. Sleeping thru is a rariety, however, when he does wake, generally, he will self settle, or, i will just need to pat his back, or speak to him, and he goes back to sleep.

HOWEVER - for a few weeks now.. it has gotten worse. I am at my witts end, and dont know what to do anymore.

Generally, he goes to bed at about 7.30, and asleep by 8. It will mostly take about 20-30min for him to go to sleep, with me either with a hand on his back, or, just sitting beside the cot. Sometimes, he will settle on his own.

Then - from anywhere between 10pm and about 2am, he will start to wake, and spend about an hour of crying in his sleep every 10or so min. I try to sit with my hand on his back, i try to rock him (but he fights me abit), sing to him, to get him to resettle, offer water as well. Nothing works. After an hour, he is generally half awake, and i spend the next hour trying to rock him, and get him to go back to sleep. Eventually, he wears him self out again, and we spend another hour of the crying in the sleep every 10min before he goes into a deep sleep.

He went thru a long stage of doing this when he was abit younger, but, it only lasted 90min to 2hours. Now, 3hours, its a huge chunk of my night.

Last night, i even tried controlled crying, but, he ended up hysterical. I think he ended up going to sleep at one stage, and i was lying on my bed, and fell asleep as well. About 10min latter, he woke up hysterical again, and i snapped and slammed him door and yelled up him. I felt so bad. His cry went completly hysterical and terrified. I left him, and curled up in bed and cryed, i felt so bad for doing that to him. DH got Aiden up, and he sorted stopped crying, and then, DH put Aiden in bed with us. Aiden snuggled up to me, and went straight to sleep. About 10min later, i put him back into his cot, and other then a grizzle about 40min later, he slept sloundly till about 7.45this morning.

What do i do? He doesnt seem to be hungry, he's not wet, doesnt seem to matter if he has a big day sleep, or little day sleep. He's not teething. He has had a viral infection, which has left him fairly blocked up, but, his nose is much clearer now.

Its almost like he is going thru some seperate thing, but, then, he fights me if I try and rock him while he is in the 'cry during sleep stage'.

Any suggestions? He is nearly 16months old.. i thought he would be sleeping thru by now.

[Footsteps]

got no advice just wanted to give you hugs, my sis has gone through this with my nephew for 2 years.
xxx

[Snacks]

I've heard that between 16-20 months toddlers are at their most anxious in terms of separation anxiety... Could that be the problem do you think?
I know that Natty sometimes wakes overnight for seemingly no reason. I'm sorry I can't be more help to you, but I do know how it feels.
Would co-sleeping when he wakes be suitable for your family?
Hang in there.

[mrscricket]

You poor thing Debbie! Please don't feel bad about yelling - I am sure every one of us on here has a similar story. I don't have much advice really, but just wanted to say we went through a stage of seperation anxiety with our DS, and we ended up getting his 'taggie' - a little piece of felt that he sleeps with, which seems to help him. And we also leave the radio on low all night in his bedroom, and I think the sounds of the voices help keep him asleep. Good luck and I know the other girls will have some good advice for you

[KymH]

Debbie,
We have been going through something kinda similar recently, as soon as i read the first line of your post, i went to the bottom to see your DS age... my Monkey (DD) is a bit older, but all sounds familiar, except ours doesn't tend to go for 3 hrs....

Not sure i have much to offer, except that my personal opinion is that it is some sort of developmental stage, whether that be separation anxiety, brains going crazy, language related or whatever.... my DD is never hungry,thirsty,wet, in pain etc either....

My belief that this is just a stage is what helps me to get through times like this (she has NEVER been a good sleeper and lots of people who read these threads will recognise i'm a sort of regular in here!) So, what helps me is to think that there will be an end to this in time even if i do absolutely nothing about it.

That is not to say that i don't get angry with her, our latest issue seems to be initially getting to sleep at night and there has been some door slamming going on here too, so pls don't feel too bad - by this age they need to see that we have emotions too and that their behaviour affects us.

And she hates being held/rocked now, partly because she has less control but i also think its 'cos she gets uncomfortable now she's bigger.

The other thing that helps us, is that when she wakes in the night (always between 1030-230, average is 1130) she just comes into our bed, so we all get sleep. sometimes she's restless and stays awake for a while, but i've learnt to go to sleep beside her! and some people don't want to set up the "habit" - we aren't a good example if you are worried about habit.... We've been doing this since she was 15mo, so about 5mo now.... it works for us.

Apart from big hugs out to you, i would suggest chatting with your DH and deciding if you mind if Aiden co-sleeps with you for a while....

And i'll just repeat, 'cos its so hard not to beat yourself up - please try not to feel bad about getting angry and doing things you normally wouldn't.

I know you'll all get through it when he/you reach a new balance/understanding etc....

My aim is that DD sleeps through the night by the time she goes to school lol!

[~Debbie~]

thanks guys for your responses.
Aiden does have his favourite teddy... well, its actually a bunny rabbit. He has a night light, and a radio playing as well.
I was talking to a friend today, who's little girl is about a month younger, and she is going thru the same thing.
I said to DH this morning that perhaps I should just bring him into bed with us, we are both abit worried about creating a habit, but, I feel like what ever i do to get him back to sleep (other then CC, which i am not keen on) is going to create a habit. Be it a bottle, rocking, patting etc. At least this way, i can get some rest.
He goes down for his day sleeps beautifully, mostly just put him in his cot, and walk out. And he goes off to sleep on his own.
I guess if i put him to bed a night, if he wakes, give him a few shots at going back to sleep, and if no luck, then, bring him to bed before he wakes to much, and once he goes into a deep sleep, put him back into his own cot.
It must be a security thing that they go thru at this age? I hope it doesnt last long.

Kym - my aim was to get Aiden sleeping thru before the new bub comes along.. maybe i will have to revise my goal to school as well!