Feeding to sleep- did it work for you long term?

[mumiloo]

Hi all,

I have been reading Dr Sears "Baby Sleep Book" and he gives feeding to sleep a pretty good rap but suggests it is a good idea for babies to learn a variety of sleep associations.

I only feed DS to sleep. When he was little we used different ways to get him to sleep like rocking, patting, walking around etc but then he went through reflux and breast refusal and the only time he would feed was before bed, so we have gotten into that pattern. I tried feeding him more when he wakes up, but he won't take much then.

I find feeding to sleep is working pretty well for us now- it almost always works, it is a lot easier on me than carrying him around because I just lie down on the bed next to him, so there's very little effort involved.

I don't really want to try other ways of getting him to sleep when this seems to be working.

The way I see it the main "issues" people have with feeding to sleep are:

1. Only you can get the baby to sleep- this can be tiring but overall I don't mind. My DP does the dishes while I am putting him to sleep at night and I know which job I prefer . I don't really want to leave him with babysitters yet but I may be going back to work when he is 1 year old so it might be an issue then.

2. They might wake up more at night because they are conditioned to having the boob in their mouth and can't get back to sleep without it- I try to compensate for this by taking him off the boob when he is almost asleep (tip from NCSS) but I think I leave it so late he is pretty much asleep anyway LOL Also at night instead of giving him the boob straight away I give him a cuddle and a pat (we cosleep) to see if he wants it or not and I have found about 1/2 the time he will go back to sleep without it. Since I started doing this he has been feeding 2-3 times a night instead of 4.

I am not bothered by nightwaking at all but I am having a lot of worries about his naps at the moment- short naps, inconsistent nap times, and sometimes trouble getting him to sleep even though he seems tired. Do you think feeding him to sleep could cause any problems here?

I guess I don't really want to change the way I put him to sleep and was wondering what others experiences have been- did feeding to sleep work for you or did you have to make a change at some point? Why did you change things? Was it difficult?

[Pandora]

DS fed to sleep for ages, (prob to about 15 months easily?) but he stopped waking for night feeds very early on (was sleeping 5 hours within a week) so I cant agree that feeding to sleep makes them want to be on the boob all the time.

Other sleep associations - grobag. when he was feeding to sleep he always be in his bodysuit and grobag first.

He only fed to sleep at night time, day time was patting/rocking etc.

I will say has was never a good day sleeper, especially in the afternoon where he'd cluster feed. Dont kow that it had to do with feeding to slep though.

hes 3 now and has a 2 hour sleep most days, which is the same as what he was having at 12 months.

[Indadhanu]

We fed to sleep every sleep up until about a month ago. If it wasn't feeding to sleep it was rocking to sleep. I'd do what you do, feed until almost but not quite asleep, then give her a kiss, say "good night Jazz, i love you, have a good sleep and i'll see you when you wake up" and then I turn her mobile (attached to her cot - we side-car) on and shut the door. She was pretty much asleep anyway to start off with but now when I know she isn't hungry (ie she just had a feed!) I'll put her in bed, say I love you etc, turn on the mobile and leave. Sometimes she has a protest whinge, but generally she'll fall asleep within 5-10 minutes. Note, it doesn't always work. Some days she is velcro baby, some days I have to feed to sleep, but a lot of the time she recognises 'sleep cues' and knows its bed time.

I don't think feeding to sleep is a bad thing, but sleep cues are a good thing because sometimes (SOMETIMES...) Shel puts Jazz to sleep when she's not due for a feed. SO i think you're doing it the right way, maybe try to make another cue, like a sleeping bag something like that?

[RoyaUK]

Hi mumiloo, I fed to sleep with both DD1 & DD2. To answer your question, YES it worked for us.
With no long lasting issues.DD1 stopped at around 15 months when she was happy to have a cup of warm milk and a daddy cuddle instead. DD2 is just 1yrs so still feeding to sleep happily.

From 10 months I would be able to feed DD2 in the bedroom until she was relaxed then leave her and she would go off to sleep by herself. I also noticed that from this age she was able to roll onto her tummy & sleep much better.

I'm convinced she had undiagnosed reflux and the sleeping on her tummy has helped tremedously but that's another point.

i did introduce a sleeping bag from 4months as a sleep association tool and just now when i zipped DD2 into it for her morning sleep she giggled then rubbed her eyes and yawned. It works for us.

So if you're happy with it, keep at it i say. What a fantastic way to go to sleep - snug, warm, lowered heart rate (baby's) and cuddled.

I'd probably say the change in his naps etc is age related - such a lot of neurological changes going on at this 5 months onwards stage that it upsets the 'routine' for nearly every baby i know! It'll settle down again soon enough.

[jackrose]

I happily fed to sleep by accident rather than design and we thoroughly enjoyed it. It did end up causing problems for us, exactly as you have outlined in that DD developed a very strong breast/sleep association and went from a very very settled, great sleeper to a terrible waker. At her worst she would wake almost every half hour through the night and it was only the boob that could re-settle her. As you mentioned it was her waking every sleep cycle and realising the boob was missing from her mouth.

Having said that, if and when we have another child, I would not hesitate to feed to sleep again, but I would most likely take the tact you are. Creating a few different sleep associations is a great idea and stopping the feed just before falling asleep could make all the difference.

I was terribly upset at the way it worked for us as DD had been an amazing self-settler and it was all undone by the feed to sleep!! Still, we sorted it out in the end!

Regarding heading back to work or using a babysitter to get your DS to sleep, as they get older this becomes much easier. Even if a baby is used to being settled by you and you alone (especially your boobs) it usually works that if you have set up a good solid foundation of attached parenting and have let your child know throughout their first year that their needs will always be met, that security usually translates to a very happy baby who understands that people are there for him. It means that if you are not around, he will happily allow someone else to settle him as inherently he gets that they are there to help him. It tends to work that if mum's boobs are in the vicinity, he would want them but if it is not an option, no big deal, they will be coming eventually. At least this is what happens with us. I solely put DD down for the first 10 months, then on a few occasions I went out (!!!) and DD was settled by a babysitter without a drama.

I hope that makes sense.

I think it sounds as if you have thought this out really well and are doing an amazing job, lucky DS!!

[mumiloo]

Thanks everyone for your replies you have given me some good stuff to think about. The last couple of days it's been harder getting him to sleep for naps because he wants to roll all over the bed. I think that is probably normal at his age (wanting to practise new things). It might be time to start trying to get him to sleep in a cot for naps if this doesn't improve. I'm not sure what to try- rocking in arms (maybe he is too heavy), getting him to sleep in sling/carrier and then transferring him (hasn't worked before), patting in the bed, doing one of these or a feed and then just putting him down when he is still awake to see if he can fall asleep independently.... hmmmm. If he calms down a bit I might still stick with feeding cos at least I know it works.

Good idea about the grobags, I was wondering are they suitable for cosleeping babies? Would it be best to use the grobag for naps and the start of the night but then when he wakes up and snuggles with me to take him out?

Roya DS has started rolling on his tummy too and seems to have longer sleeps this way. Maybe as DS gets older he will naturally begin to be able to get to sleep like your DD. I have noticed that now once he is asleep I can roll him on his back and leave a lot quicker- I used to have to stay for 20 mins until he was in a deep sleep, but now only about 5 mins.

Jackrose that is a good comment about the babysitters and building that attachment in the first year. Glad to hear your DD settled ok for others.

[~clover~]

I still feed DS to sleep.
He does still wake through the night, but we mostly co sleep, so I don't have a problem with just putting him on & going back to sleep.
If its been less than 3-4 hours I will try patting & scratching his back, coz he's usually just unsettled if its only been that long.
I did try leaving him with my mum for a night a month ago. He slept the first half of the night, but wouldn't go back after 2.30am.
That is the only problem we have.
I'm happy doing what I'm doing. He does let go once he's asleep & stays asleep.

Day sleeps, if I don't lay on our bed & surround him with pillows, I'll walk/feed to sleep, then put him down in the cot. Once he's down I'll pat/rub til he settles again.

Slings are good, but hard to get them down asleep. Good when out & about, or if bubs is sick though. I've been wearing DS for the last 3 days coz he was sick & it was the only way he'd sleep.

[Visitor8]

I feed to sleep at night as we cosleep, and during the day most of the time he goes down asleep in his cot awake. Other times he will sleep on the move in the carrier or pram.

I think if you can vary it you will be fine. Ashton has even fallen asleep on the floor mid play without his dummy which is unusual.

[~clover~]

Ashton has even fallen asleep on the floor mid play without his dummy which is unusual.

Lol, DS has started to do this lately. He isn't relying on boob so much for day sleeps these days

[mumiloo]

Cheers Skye I have been wondering if it would work feeding him to sleep then transferring to the cot, maybe if I pat him etc it would work.

I have found that too with the sling, he used to sleep for hours in the hug a bub but now only about 20 mins, and I could never transfer him to the bed (even with the Ergo) without him waking up.

[AwesomeFoursome]

I fed ds until he 12 months. It did end up a problem for me, he would wake up every hour during the night and would only go back the sleep with the boob. I ended up weaning him at 12mths because of this. I was too tired and he was too tired. I really miss feeding him but I know I couldn't do it any longer.

[Visitor8]

I think the thing to remember too is when they are little its ok to let them feed to sleep and use you as a dummy so to say. When they get older if it's bothering you there are steps you can take to eliminate that association. YOu don't ALWAYS have to give up feeding. I know someone who went through it all and with the right guidance and tools she stopped her daughter from feeding to sleep at about 14 months old. This is why I am not worried abotu Ashton feeding to sleep atm

[Matryoshka]

I fed my toddler to sleep until he was over 2 & 1/2 years old and i am sad to admit it, but i really had made a rod for my own back. I was the only person who could put him to sleep and he needed to breastfeed to sleep at naptimes too. This was extremely physically draining during my pregnancy with #2, and then with another baby around life became chaotic. He couldn't go to sleep without being breastfed, and with a very sick baby for the first 6 months my toddler was constantly having to wait for me to be available until he could go to sleep. We were in a constant cycle of him being over tired, never managing to get him down for day sleeps because i had to carry the baby constantly due to reflux.... My toddler was always upset and frustrated he couldn't be BF when he needed it or go to sleep. And of course with a new sibling, that was the worst time to try to change it. I so wished i'd stopped sooner because it would have been much gentler. It finally stopped when i ended had to go away to be treated for PND, he just had to be okay with out me. When i got back, i didn't get back in the bed with him, or bf him to sleep. I sat next to his bed holding his hand, he cried a lot and i reassured him. Over about a week i made it further away and even outside his door. Now we're at the point where all i do is put him to bed, tuck him in and he happily goes to sleep!! I wish i'd done this a long time ago as it has made life so much easier. I have my evenings back and he finally sleeps through.

I suppose mine is an extreme example, but what i've learnt from it is that there is SO much value in a baby or child being able to settle and go to sleep either by himself or with someone besides mummy. Because as much as you may want to always be there to do that, there may come a time when you just can't.

Things are so different with my second son, he'll be fed by others, go to sleep for others, and while it makes me a little sad that he's so comfortable to allow other family members to do that, i also know its a great strength and that he'll be okay with out me.

[Gigi]

i am feeding my 27 month old to sleep in her single bed, it really calms her down, ready for sleep.

between bedtime and morning, she usually wakes up once, for a toilet visit and another quick feed to sleep.

it's working well for us.

she has a day time nap, often after a breastfeed on the couch, i then place her on her flipout sofa near the couch. she cries for three seconds, then rolls over and goes straight to sleep.

We began by co-sleeping and using a bassinette next to my bed. Feeding to sleep.

It doesn't stop me going out, what stops me going out is not having a babysitter most of the time.

She won't drink cow's milk, can last at childcare on just water, wants to breastfeed at drop off and pick up times.

from reading MummaB's post, i can see it could be very different if i had more than one child.

oh yeah, sleep associations.

wrapping for newborn/small stage
sleeping bags when too big for wrapping. sleeping bags were fine for co-sleeping. as per SIDS guidelines, my child was on TOP of the bedding, not under it, so having her in her own sleeping bag was fine.
now the sleep associations are:
warm bath with essential oils, dim lighting, familiar bedtime stories, songs, breastfeed, kisses.

[~Raven~]

I've fed all of mine to sleep. Didn't plan it like that, it just happened that way as the boob does a good job of it

Trying to remember when self settling happened but I'm sure that after some feeds they weren't asleep (day or night) and I'd just put them in the cot and see what happened. Sometimes they would self settle and others they wouldn't. I'd take their lead and if they were upset then get them up, if not then leave then in the cot for a little while chattering. Sometimes they need a bit of time and would grizzle a little like a wind down thing though, different to being upset (took me a while to figure that one out ).

I found that I got more confidence in them self settling and so did they as they got older.

[thepixie]

I'm going through this at the moment, DD used to self settle, or fall asleep on the playmat sometimes, but now she seems to need to feed to sleep, the only other way she will sleep is in the pram or the car. I would like to find other ways to get her to sleep, just so she is not dependent on it, IYKWIM, so I will be watching to see what has worked for others.
MummaB

[Matryoshka]

I guess what i was trying to say last night (typed that up really late!), was that while it was easy and comforting to get him to sleep, it was just impossible and impractical when baby #2 came along. And other instances in which is was frustrating was, in the first 2 years of his life i tried to go out for dinner with girlfriends about 3 times and each time had to leave early because DS1 needed to be fed to sleep. So i was never able to have any quality time on my own - lunch times were the same because he'd need to be fed for his day sleep.

It's certainly an initmate thing to share with your bub and sometimes i wish i had that unique bond with #2, but in a practical sense the way we do things now is so much easier and allows for a freedom that feeding to sleep didn't.

[Visitor8]

wow I can't blame you hun. I am lucky Ash only feeds to sleep at night, he has his 7pm feed and I put him in his cot awake, but all the feeds after that are in my bed and he feeds to sleep. During the day he always goes down awake in his cot. I don't actually know if he is dependant of feeding to sleep, i haven't attempted to not give it to him when he wakes for it.