my anxiety and DD2's lack of sleep

[Olive]

i get anxious when DD2 doesnt go to sleep, i feel my anxiety is rubbing off on her and i feel this is affecting her getting to sleep, i hope this makes sense, she settles well for DH but not me im feeling pretty crap about everything i do.

can anyone help me??

[Mak]

Olive - I have been there with DD1 and it is awful.

You are doing an amazing job!! I found using rescue remedy helped my anxiety somewhat. I also gave up on 'making' her sleep (ha as if I have/had any control) so if she didn't go to sleep after x amount of time then I bundled her into the pram and went for a walk. This may be harder with 2 kids tho. I also made myself go for a walk every day without fail to keep me mentally a bit brighter.
I wish I had not blamed myself for her sleep 'allergy' as it was seriously a waste of time and energy when I had very little to spare anyway. Do whatever you need to get through but be gentle with yourself too. Also do not listen to people who tell you to do things that you are not comfortable with - I went down a few paths I am not proud of and really regret it. Some babies are just not great sleepers unfortunately. DD1 here had ear infection issues and feeding/weight trouble early on and I think that this did not help.
Take care xxx

[Janie]

I know I've said it before hun, but I really understand When I was trying to get a fighting DS1 off to sleep, if I remembered to slow down my breathing and try to relax, he would do the same and go to sleep alot faster. It wasn't a cure-all, but it did help not to make things worse ITMS. I wish I had a magic solution for you............for us, the only things that helped were the diet change (as you know) and time. I know that's so boring, and such a cliche, but it was true for us. In the meantime, sometimes I just had to give up and go with the flow. It was too hard some days. And you know, it hasn't scarred him in the long run, he survived those days when he didn't sleep as much. And although I found them hard at the time, I've (almost) forgotten all about them now. We've moved on I'm not trying to rub it in your face, I'm want to show you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.......there really is.

Can you revisit the cosleeping option? Or is it really not an option? I know it doesn't help daytime, but if you get a good night's sleep it's so much easier to cope during the day.

Most of all, massive hugs from an understanding, empathic friend

ETA Another thought......I know she's young, but do you think she would sleep better in a bed? I wish we'd put DS in one earlier (he went in a 20 months), his sleep improved out of sight once he had his own bed! Well not so much his sleep, but the situation.........prior to having his bed he slept in ours, because he was such a cot hater! He was always a cot hater, never slept well in any of the three we tried (ours, mum's and porta-cot).

[onthefly]

I know that feeling well too
I think when I was in this state two things helped:
First and formost, like Janie says, give up. Do'nt push it, just go with it.
Second, try mixing things up. Don't be wed to set ideas about how and where your baby sleeps. I would feed DS to sleep. Adn when that stopped working, we walked him to sleep every day for months. Or we'd time outings to he'd fall asleep in the car on the way home (hopefully). And we gave up on the cot and moved him to a mattress on the floor. Sometimes I had to sleep with him, sometimes I didn't. I just did whatever worked best at the time.
No, his sleep still wasn't great, but giving myself a break made things easier to manage.

Above all, please don't judge yourself as a parent based on how much or how well your baby sleeps.

[OceanPrincess]

Aww Olive... big hugs for you...

I've never mentioned this... but when DD was really little, when she woke up after a sleep (day or night, it happened all the time) I used to get really anxious. It was worse at night times. I don't know why - something about my subconscious doubting that I'd be able to meet her needs when I went in to her???

Anyway at night I would wake up to her cries... my heart beat would pick up and start racing, my palms would go all sweaty, I'd start breathing fast... no idea why.

Even now it sometimes still happens.

I think anxiety is completely normal... the PPs have given you some great tips on dealing with it, I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone

One other thing to consider - how much time off do you get? I know DH has been working a fair bit - maybe some Olive-pampering time would help? Lower the stress levels in general? Even an hour to soak in a bath, read a book somewhere quiet, do some retail therapy, get a facial, whatever would work for you. I know I am much more stressed and short with DD when I am stressed and tired myself...

[OceanPrincess]

... she settles well for DH but not me ...

Just one more thought about that comment above - it might not just be your anxiety she is responding too, it could also be your lovely booby smell

[Ginger]

hi olive, i have had days of full anxiety over sleep too. it's so horrible isn't it?
are you talking more about day sleeps or night sleeps? i have found on days where i'm fighting with ds2 to get him to sleep i just pop them both into the car, go for a short drive to grab some milk or a coffee or something and by the time i get home he is asleep. then i transfer him from car to pram and wheel the pram into the house and leave him asleep in it.

[Janie]

Oh, I've done that so many times Ginger! Even if it didn't work (which was rare) just getting out of the house for a bit helped.

Love your ideas too Marcellus, we pretty much did the same. Go with what works I say! Or what works best anyway

Hun, I hope knowing you're not alone helps in some small way. I had many many anxious moments over DS's sleep. The whole time he was napping I would be anxious, just waiting for him to wake up. I could only relax after a certain amount of time, what I thought was 'enough' sleep.

[OceanPrincess]

... I had many many anxious moments over DS's sleep. The whole time he was napping I would be anxious, just waiting for him to wake up. I could only relax after a certain amount of time, what I thought was 'enough' sleep.

Oh gosh I do the exact same thing. Even yesterday when DD started crying after only 15mins of sleep (her first day sleep) I was all jittery and anxious.

[Olive]

take 3 at replying here!!

thanks so much my lovely ladies this anxiety stuff is tough to deal with, though its comforting to know others understand, so thanks for all your lovely suggestions! nearly everything you've all written i could have written myself, i always said taht i wouldnt get stressed this time re sleep but she is having nowhere near as much sleep as DD1. i might get some rescue remedy, been thinking about it for a while and its time to think of muself for once!