Thanks so much for your replies and reassurance ladies - I am generally at peace with the lack of sleep here but yesterday I was pretty down about it all.
We've tried reward charts etc with DD1 and she is not interested. She says that she gets scared without us and needs cuddles to sleep. SHe is a pretty clingy child and this has been worse in the last few weeks so perhaps it is linked? The gro clock sounds great tho - I will hunt one out as at least that will give her an indication of what should be happening?? Infact I will get one for both of them, lol!!!!
We're still to transition DD2 into a bed so have decided to buy a double so at least we'll be semi comfortable in our bed hopping - I do think she is probably getting too big for her cot as well. The weather has been all over the shop and she woke up hot last night so we'll grab some lighter tog sleepsuits too.
I have always figured it would sort itself out eventually but DH and I have to stay sane until then......