Back to Zero.

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · April 14th, 2013, 05:59 PM

Dammit! I've gained 7 kilos somewhere over the past few months. I can't even blame it on anything, I've been making a concerted effort to limit sitting, maximise incidental exercise, and challenge my hunger patterns. I'm so OVER this journey. As I said to Sushee last night, if I had the money, I'd get WLS tomorrow and I don't care about the risks.

Words can't express the level of pure hate I have for myself at the moment; and yes, a little corner of my mind is concerned at that. I'll be seeing a psychologist soon, so I'll add body image issues to the crazy list.

Just a vent.

**myturn** · April 14th, 2013, 06:44 PM

x

**nothing2lose** · April 14th, 2013, 06:50 PM

Keike, I know how hard it is. I really do. Don't give up

And, above all, remember YOU are not your weight. YOU are worth MUCH, MUCH more than numbers on a scale.

**sahbear** · April 14th, 2013, 07:08 PM

Big hugs Keike.
N2L has hit the nail on the head, you are so much more than the numbers on the scales.

**MrsFabuloso** · April 14th, 2013, 07:16 PM

I can relate hun. It truely does suck. I hope you can reconcile it within yourself. Its a terrible way to feel.

**Floweryfields** · April 14th, 2013, 07:35 PM

Totally can relate. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Thing is I feel like people think you are really whacko if you say 'I need help controlling my eating' like it's a weakness more than an 'illness'.

**Danielle_NZ** · April 14th, 2013, 08:28 PM

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling that way, it sucks... I'm going through a crazy period at the moment and know if I was thinner and healthier I would be in a better place mentally

I did talk to someone recently and they used their super and their DH's for there WLS

**Razzberry** · April 14th, 2013, 08:38 PM

Im so sorry you are feeling so down about this. Have you got a supportive doctor? I was having major hormonal problems last year where I was exercising every day and eating really well (saw a dietician and was sticking to her plan) and I was putting on weight. I saw my gyno and he put me on the contraceptive pill - and bammo, the weight started t fall off me - still have had to keep up with the exercise and eating plan, but it feels like my body is working for me, not against me when my hormones are controlled.

**chody47** · April 14th, 2013, 08:43 PM

Is it possible that some of the gain is muscle? It weighs more than fat. Have you noticed a difference in how your clothes fit? Regardless, I can see how it'd be disheartening.

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · April 14th, 2013, 10:41 PM

No, I know I'm not doing enough exercise to gain that much muscle. I have, however, just realised that at least 5 of those kilos have come in the last month, which is the same amount of time I've been on a new medication. I've got a psych appointment tomorrow, so I'll be asking for a different med. I feel so much better knowing it's not me!

**AnyDream** · April 15th, 2013, 12:54 AM

For what it's worth, I think you're fabulous. Hang in there. xxx

**Sopdet** · May 31st, 2013, 06:57 AM

Is it possible that some of the gain is muscle? It weighs more than fat. Have you noticed a difference in how your clothes fit? Regardless, I can see how it'd be disheartening.

No it doesn't weigh more than fat. A kg of muscle weighs the same as a kg of fat. The fat just takes up more room.

**Jaycee** · May 31st, 2013, 10:30 AM

No it doesn't weigh more than fat. A kg of muscle weighs the same as a kg of fat. The fat just takes up more room.

But muscle apparently weighs 4 times more than fat, at least that's what I've been told. So if u had a kilo of fat and turned that in to muscle, you would have 4kg of muscle to take up the same amount of room that the fat did. Does that make sense?

**sushee** · April 15th, 2013, 04:16 PM

Hunny I didn't reply to your post on my FB but since I found this, I thought I'd reply here. I don't want be insensitive to you when you're down but I also wanted to be realistic and not blow smoke up your arse, you know? Because while WLS makes it easier to lose weight, I wouldn't want you or anyone to think i didn't work my butt off (pun intended) to lose it. There is no magic in WLS, what it does is make you less hungry, forces you to eat less but if you really want to lose, I'm not going to lie, you have to work at it. What WLS helps most of all is in helping you not gain it back once you've lost the weight.

I lost my weight because I worked up from only managing to slowly cycle for 6 mins in one stretch then feeling like I was dying to cycling 40kms three times a week. I KNOW that this is a low point for you hun but I don't want you thinking WLS will be the whole answer. It's only part of the answer. Yes it makes it easier, I won't lie, but it won't do it all for you. In fact lots and lots of people have had WLS who have not had the results I have had, band or sleeve. In fact my results with WLS (any type) is considered atypical.

And now I'm getting my band replaced I sure as hell will have to work at it again if I want to lose the weight I've put on.

If you want to read a real account of WLS I think my blog is still on here somewhere too.

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · April 15th, 2013, 06:49 PM

Oh, I know it's not a magic pill, Mum has had a band for almost 10 years now. She lost 30 kilos, and then brought it back with friends. She admits she finds ways around the band so she can still eat. When people say it's a magic pill, I always think of people who say a csection is the easy way out - major surgery is never the easy way out, lol!

As things stand right now, nothing definitely makes me lose weight long term. Exercise and very careful eating get me to a point - like a 7 kilo loss - and then my body gets used to it and gains it all back. I want WLS as a kickstart. The surgeon I saw said that once you've been morbidly obese for a while, your body gets used to it, and WLS is a big shock to the system that forces it to do what it's supposed to. I don't view it as a magic fix at all, rather as another person in my corner, y'know?

Also, went to the psych today, who said that if the pills haven't increased my appetite - they haven't, I kept a food diary because I was warned about it - then they wouldn't have made me gain weight. Gotta go to the GP anyway, so I'll bring it up there. Feeling better about myself today, thankfully, thanks mostly to you guys

**sushee** · April 15th, 2013, 06:55 PM

And that's what it will be like, like having a helping hand. I'm glad that you've thought about it as you have. And it can be a gift or it can mean nothing, it all depends.

I consider myself very lucky that the band worked so well for me but I also know that it was in combination with me putting in the work. When I started gaining with the leak, I also then proved to myself that I could stop the weight gain and even lose some so I know that it's 70% me. But that 30% is such a help too.

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · April 15th, 2013, 07:11 PM

Dude, even 5% will be a help. Heck, just having my body cooperate will be a help, lol! I originally spoke to the surgeon about a band, because I'd never heard of the sleeve, only bypass and I definitely didn't want that. I wasn't super keen on the band because of Mum's experience, and he said that I wouldn't lose enough weight with it anyway. According to BMI, I need to lose 105kg to be normal

Even he agreed that he'd be happy with me getting a 90kg loss, because a goal weight of 50kg would apparently make me look sick

This is all a 'moo point' anyway, as I don't have $10k.