Donor Conception General Chatter #3

Hi Lissie,

What's happening with your IVF journey at the moment - I think you were struggling with bureaucracy last time I checked - is that correct?

Hi Lulu,

I have absolutely everything crossed for you and sending heaps of happy energy vibes your way.

Clairebear,

How are you going? Did you decide to go with the clinic option?

Lulu - I haven't seen MargOz in ages - do you think we should ask Sushee if she has heard anything???

As for me - I'm surrounded by packing boxes. We start looking at houses this weekend. Still can't believe the timing. Maybe we'll try for January????

Oh - and I've been writing in a blog, if anyone wants to come and read...

Hi lovely ladies, thank you for your hello's. :) I do still drop in occasionally to see how you are all going but with nothing happening fertility wise for me at the moment I haven't had much news to post.

I'm still in the same job but thankfully things have improved - slightly! :wall: I'm not feeling as stressed as I was, my sore shoulder, although not 100% yet, has also improved AND my boss has been bearable (just - and for now!). The only problem is that I'm so exhausted - it's been such an emotionally draining few months - I feel like I could sleep for a couple of months at the moment. I thought nothing could be as draining as going through IVF but working for a psychological bully takes the cake!!!

I was supposed to be losing weight before I go back to the FS in the new year - and what have I done? Put weight on! I get annoyed at myself but then I think about what I've been through since June and try not to be too hard on myself. Having said that, it's time I get tough and start exercising and eating well again! Hopefully the warmer weather will help.

I hope you are all doing great - will catch up on personals soon. Just wanted to let you know I'm still around and thinking of you all. xoxo

Marg

Hi Lovely Ladies,
Hope you are all doing well!

Anney,thanks for the info would love to hear from you,have sent you an email.:)

Lissie,thank you as always for all your support and awesome advice!I loved seeing in your post that you're Irish descent...ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE!!!!:goodluck::goodluck: I am originally from N.Ireland but raised in the west!

Gargy, good to see you back,hope the packing is going well.....;)
I am still in the process of looking into the international clinics,it's such a lot of money...I want to make sure I'm not making an impulsive emotional descision!
Right now we are considering running an ad just to see if we get any response,I know it's a long shot but you just never know unless you try right??

LuLu,wishing you all the luck and positive vibes in the world darlin....I will be praying it all goes well for you!:stickyvibesboy::stickyvibesgirl:

Donorsyd,welcome and wishing you every happiness and health for the future...you've already been through so much. If you are lucky enough to have a siter or close female relative that could donate for you that would be the way to go,or like Lissie said if you prefer not to know you could advertise for a donor or go to an international clinic here there are no waiting lists...however they are expensive.Where there's a will there's a way....Never Give Up and it will come to you!

MargOz,I haven't spoken with you before so Hi...and I can totally relate to the weight thing......so bloody hard! LOL but it's walking weather now...so let's get those trainers on!

I am feeling very overwhelmed by all my personal ivf stuff right now....my MC has brought back a lot of pain and old hurt from when I was first diagnosed with POF. I just can't stand the injustice of it all. I feel like I have a million things going around in my head at once.Am trying to get back to normal but my head is buzzing with ads and clinics and the desperation to have another child.I suppose the good thing is that I recognise all this and am very self aware......so I may put things on hold for a little while,just until i've settled a bit.I don't know if any of you guys like the "Dixie Chicks" but 2 of them had to go through ivf to fall pregnant.They wrote a song about it called "So Hard" (yeah tell us about it!!!):rolleyes: Anyway I crank it up in the car and I really find it helps,I can totally relate....here are some of the words:

( Felt like a given' something a woman is born to do
A natural ambition to see a reflection of me and you
And I'd feel so guilty if that was a gift I couldn't give
Would you be happy if life wasn't how we pictured it?
And sometimes i just want to wait it out to prove everybody wrong
but I need your help to be strong cuz you know it's
So hard... So hard!

It's so hard when it doesn't some easy
it's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy...it's just so hard!)

Hugs and love to you all,
Claire.xx

Clairebear,

Sending you heaps of positive vibes and strengh to help you get thru - i will have to look for that song - sometimes there just seems there is no justice in TTC and IVF but hopefully all of us will have our dreams fulfilled one day and if i had one wish i would wish that every woman that wanted a baby like us got her dream - i would give up what little we have just to have a baby in my arms. You begin to realise that houses, and material things don't mean that much when all you want is a little baby. Good luck to all.

Hi Girls,

MargOz - glad you're still with us in spirit. Your stress levels sound thru the roof, no wonder you're putting on weight. I sooooo wish I was one of those lucky people who cant eat when stressed and lose weight..sadly..I am soooo not!
Gargy - good luck with moving. It's funny, some people love it so they can do a good clean out and start fresh, unfortunately, I am not one of those either..
Clairebear - I so know how you are feeling. It gets so hard and sad sometimes. Let me ask you - what's POF?? I'm just a simpleton really and don't get a lot of these abbreviations.
Lissie - we're half way thru October already..the time will go so fast now till Christmas and your dreams coming true.

Thanks for all your good wishes for my FET. Am only on day 2 so long way to go yet.

:hello: Girls,

Lulu - have everything crossed for you sweetie - the two week wait is such a drainer but also exciting all rolled into one - goodluck -:bluedust:

Gargy - good luck with the move.

Margo - stress - not good with stress - im already a pretty stressed out person - always worrying about everything and everybody - do something good for you to help with the stress levels.

Claire - sometimes the feelings of sadness just take over - i know that only too well - i try so hard sometimes to pull myself out of it - mostly it works but there are times when its just sooooo hard.
Just got news over the weekend that my older brother is now expecting twins! Wonderful for them as they wanted more kids - already have a 2yr old - but it just brings it home to me that i am motherless and sooooo badly want this for myself.

Hope you all have a great day - and sending out lots of strong positive vibes to all to keep us going.

Hi everyone,

MargOz,

Excellent to see you back! I hope that the work situation continues to be bearable.

Hope you get motivated to lose the weight (if you want to).

Clairebear,

Can relate to a million thoughts going through my head about the unfairness of it all.

Are you just taking some time to be just a couple again - if so sounds like a great idea.

Lissie,

Christmas is so close! Sending happy vibes to you, particularly after your brother's news. I understand that you are happy for them, but it gives you pain in your own heart.

Lulu,

Everything crossed for you - good luck!!

DonorSyd,

How are you going??

Anney,

Haven't seen you in a while either - how are things?

Got very emotional about the whole moving thing - started getting angry about how other people's lives work out so well for them. Luckily my BF and DH pointed out the flaws in my thinking.

I've also taken some time out with packing, which means I feel less tired. We'll start looking at houses tomorrow (just to drive past).

Thinking of everyone!

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for you wishes but sadly I am not pregnant..

Here we go again...

Hi Lulu

:(

I'm guessing that it's been more painful emotionally to realise this than your one line sentence.

I'm sorry.

Best wishes for next time.

Are you going to go again straight away?

Hi Gargy,

Yes started needles yesterday (day 2 AF). Last one was an FET.
Can't afford to waste time unfortunately and have no choice.
Sadly every failure gets harder not easier. As each month passes, it kind of feels like another month closer to 'the end'. I really try and stay positive...but you just can't always help those negative thoughts..
Hope all is well with you.

man, I have so much to learn! all these acronyms!!

I had Acupuncture on Friday to get my womb all ready for next Fridays insamination. Will be having more on the day. Hubby and I are getting excited. What a balancing act though - remaining positive while trying not to get your hopes up too much incase it doesn't work out...

What's the secret?

Also trying to avoid questions from family and friends. While we've been sharing our experience up until now - we want to retain some parts for ourselves. we're constantly telling people "we're just going through the process. we'll let you know something when it happens". does that get any easier??

hope everyone else is going well!

Hi Suze_77,

Best best best of luck for Friday - I hope you get a BFP!!
It's normal to be excited but you just have to take one day at a time - literally. The waiting is obviously the hardest.
Good luck..

Hi Suze,

Also sending you best wishes for Friday...:goodluck::goodluck:

Many ladies here use acupuncture and find it really helps. I haven't tried it yet but I plan to when we're back in cycle again.

As for avoiding friends and family - I think you are doing a great job with that statement. If it's anything like my friends and family, there will be the ones that are geniunely interested and ones that are just stickybeaks. Over time you'll figure out who's who.

More worried about whether we will find a house at the moment. I was thinking the other day - if you are not worried about one thing, something else takes over. This has been the biggest search yet - probably because I'm trying to find somewhere that feels like a home to raise a child. I hope we find what we need soon.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Thinking of you Lulu...

Just dropping in to see how all you lovely ladies are doing. I do hope and pray you all get some good news very soon.

Hi Mum of 5,

How are you going?

Fairly quiet in here at the moment...

Yes it is pretty quiet maybe lots of tcc going on i hope.
Ive been ok. Its been a very bumpy road but things are starting to look much better.
How about you how are things for you???

:hello:

Hi mum of five - hope you are well and that all is fine. WE are waiting for our donated embies to arrive (probably December) looking at February transfer. We want to make sure the embies arrive in one piece and no problems thru transport from Vic to Qld, then clinic closes for a Xmas break so will start on med in January and then off for a transfer and have all my hopes pinned on this - God i hope this works as i think this will be our last option - not too many donated embies out there for grabs and time is ticking away for us (age wise). Apart from that just trying to keep really busy so i don't dwell on things too much.

Oh Lissie sound all so very exciting. Its such a long wait but im sure it will be worth it.
We will be looking at signing off on our left over blasties in the new year.
I just want to wait till Im over 20wks as we lost one of the twins at 7wks.
It was very hard to deal with because it was something I had never been thru before but all is well now

Hello Girlies,
Hope you are all well and happy.
Sorry I haven't been around much,I suppose I needed a bit of time out from it all after my MC,but am very pleased to report that I am back to my old self again and moving forward.:)
After plenty of research we have decided to have a go at placing an ad in our local Child's magazine for an egg donor. We are so very hopeful that we will get some response to it and that we can have at least one more oppertunity.Am feeling relaxed and happy about it all,will let you all know how we get on.:pray:

Lissie...thinking of you and how totally excited you both must be about the arrival of your embies...you deserve this so much,wishing you all the luck in the world.

Gargy....hoe are you and how goes the house hunting?

Lulu....keeping eveything crossed for you.:hug:

Love and hugs to all,
Claire.xx

Clair,
Nice to see you back - it does take alot of time after m/c - good luck with the advertising and i really hope a donor comes your way soon. :goodluck:

Gargy - found a house yet?

Mumof5 - You wanting to donate is such a wonderful thing, do it when you are ready and not before - this is a huge step and one that you must be 100% committed to not only for yourselves but for the recipients. But i think its a wonderful gift you will be giving someone.

Me - still waiting to hear when - but feeling positive.

Hi Mum of 5,

Sorry to hear about the twin that you lost - must have been a tough experience. I'm glad that things are getting better emotionally for you. I also think it's wonderful that you are willing to donate the embies.

Lissie,

I have my fingers crossed for you. I still can't believe the nightmare of bureaucracy that you had to go through. Sending vibes of safe arrival for the embies and a good cycle with a healthy baby at the end.

Claire,

I'm glad you had some time out to get your head around what happened, and that you are feeling better now. Here's hoping that you find the perfect egg donor through the magazine.

Hi Lulu - hope you are travelling well.

Hi to anyone I may have missed.

As for me - still haven't found the perfect house yet - maybe today will be the perfect day? We have 2 or 3 houses to look at (DH has the details).

I feel that the next month will be like a journey through fire - we're losing all the things that we don't need (physically, literally and emotionally) so that we can be ready to concieve next year. That's what I keep hoping anyway...

Hi Girls,

Mumof5 - glad to see you are doing well. I am truly sorry for the loss of your twin baby.
Clairebear - glad you are back to you. We all need that grieving time and I totally understand taking a step back. Good luck with the ad.
Gargy - that perfect house is just around the corner.
Lissie - hope you're having a lovely weekend..you wont be over xmas eating before January and your embies come around.

Me - well all the erky perky needles and collections done. One embie onboard as of this morning a 3 day 8 cell he/she so lets :pray: this is the sticky one I long for.

My goodness...isn't the waiting game a killer? Had my first turkey basting a couple of weeks ago...I had been told the waiting wasn't flash...but I don't think I fully appreciated how ordinary it would feel.

First go was unsuccessful. It was disappointing, and there were a few tears, but ultimately I felt like I wasn't in a position to be too disappointed as it was only our fist go. We're backing up again straight away - to have one last go before Christmas.

Anyone have some red hot tips on how to keep your mind occupied and not on "baby" thoughts??

Hope everyone is well in your respective parts of the Oz.

Ahhh Suze...if only I knew how 'not' to think baby all the time...if you ever find out - please let me know. Sadly, it occupies my mind constantly.
Sorry the first 'baste' didnt work...but as they say....try try try again..Good luck for the December basting..

Hi to all you girlies out there...I am on day 8 of TWW ... and feeling nada.. Hope your all well

Hi,

I'm relatively new to belly belly. DH had a SSC today which resulted in no sperm being found, so we are going to go through the donor sperm route. Our decision was pretty much instant.. DH has a medical history of tablets, and operations and it was really going to be a miracle if they found anything - but we wanted to know where we start from. I have stood back a little from making the decision, as DH has felt this is yet another thing wrong with his body that he cannot control and has taken him 3 years to come to terms with it.


We are looking to start IVF in 2008, going through the preps now. I've read all the posts here and my heart goes out to everyone and I only wish I could wave a magic wand for everyone.

I'm patient in most areas of live, but the waiting for today's procedure was :wall: argh!!

We start the ball rolling with the counsellor on the 5th December and what I was looking for was some indication of where to go with sperm donation (options etc).

I wanted to thank you for sharing your experiences.

Hi Tarkine,

Welcome!!

My first piece of advice would be to make an appointment with an IVF clinic urgently if you havent done so. Sadly, donor sperm is so rare these days that clinics have waitlists. The reason is since the law was changed, any offspring from donor sperm can now now get the donors identity when turning 18. This change in law has almost dried up the market. There are still some great people out there who do donate but they are few and far between. OK so the main clinics - IVF Australia and Sydney IVF only use sperm donated here, so waitlists usually pretty long.
I do know of a clinic in Sydney - Fertility First (Hurstville). Now they usually have stock as they bring in from the States. Obviously whatever they bring in has to comply with the laws - ie. the donor willing to be identified when the child turns 18. The imported sperm is more expensive because of costs involved.
I was on the waitlist for sometime for donor sperm. I started with that, and I am now lucky enough to have a known donor (which is actually my preference for the child).
As I said previously...my best piece of advice would be to move as quickly as you can because of the donor situation. Nothing is harder then waiting months when you are ready to start.
I hope that I have answered some of your questions. I know it can (and is) a long and difficult journey.
There are some fabulously supportive people on this site which I am sure will help you down the track.
Goodluck...

Thanks Lulu for your advice.

We are going through Canberra IVF, so I'm not sure where they get their donor sperm from.

We already made an appointment with the counsellor prior to this procedure so will be in to see them on the 5th December and another appointment with the FS on the 18th December.

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say I"MMM BAACCKK!!'

The move is over (thank goodness).

Now have to chase up the clinic - I have a sneaking suspicion that the bill for sperm storage is due. We have an appointment on the 10th to see our FS.

Back on the baby bandwagon!!

Hi ladies,
I'm new to this post haven't really talked about this with anyone but my closest family but the opportunity to talk with other ladies and couples going through a similar experience to myself is just to great to pass up.
My DH was diagnosed with a condition known as Kleinfelters syndrome about 4 years ago woah!!! what a rollercoaster that time was but basically the condition means that he has an extra female chromosone instead of a male one which meant that he didn't have testosterone whilest growing up and therefore didn't develop as other males did lack of body hair, mood swings, and sterility were some of the symptoms.Therefore after some soul searching and lots of support from family we headed down the ivf road using donor sperm and were blessed with our dd.
We have had a rough month and are planning to resume with a FET hopefully in Feb as my almost 17mth old would adore a brother or sister and kisses any baby she sees. We have 4 frosties left and have been sticking with one embie at a time at the moment.
Has anybody else heard of Kleinfelters syndrome? we thought it was fairly rare when my DH was diagnosed but apparently it isn't unheard of

Hi Bliz

I think i actually saw something on Oprah about this. Very interesting as i had never heard of it before aparently it happens to woman to but the opposite they have one extra male chrom - there was a beautiful young woman on the show who was born with this disorder, and she developed like a woman but without ovaries and instead had testies inside her which were removed but apart from that just like all the rest of us, so i guess is sort of the same thing with your DH - glad he immediately decided on the donor issue great news - i hope all goes well for you guys really i do - we have done a few different things after unsucessful with the two of us we had egg donor then sperm donor now we are doing donor embies - it just blows me away at how generous people really are - just wish there were more around as there are alot of us in this situation that just need a little extra help. Anyway good luck sweetie. So sorry you lost your little angel last month.

Hi Blizz,

Welcome..
Firstly, I am so sorry for your miscarriage..I hope you're doing ok.
I have not heard of this condition...but thank goodness for generous people and their sperm huh..??
Good luck with the next FET...

and Gargy...hi honey..
Glad the move is over.
Now down to serious business..

Went to see the counsellor today who told us that they found two immobile sperm (probably dead) and that we needed to see our FS to talk about where to from here. She didn't want to talk with us about Donor sperm, but I asked about the waiting list and she said that it wasn't really an issue in the ACT and that we would have to wait the 3mth cooling off period.

The options that are open to us at the moment are:

DH undergoes another larger procedure to see if they can find any sperm anywhere (they only looked in the left testicle) and take a larger biopsy.

We skip this and head straight down the donor sperm path.

With the first option to speed things up they could put me through a cycle of IVF and have me ready to go in case they find anything - if not they could freeze my eggs (which is something they only started 3-4mths ago)

:wall::wall::(

We see the specialist on the 18th December and I think we will be cracking the :whip:. I feel like we have been running around in circles, wasting time, when I could have been having tests to see if my plumbing is ok and getting things prepared for IVF.

So while we were hoping to get started in early January, it looks like it will be early/mid 2008 before we can get anything happening.

Dear Tarkine,
I just wanted to wish you all the best with the appointments we started our journey in a similar situation to you, my husband is infertile and when we found out it was so devestating my husbands response was well that's it then I guess we're not having a family he went through some fairly major depression and told me to leave him and marry someone else and wouldn't consider any other option for a long while, but he was soooo meant to have children and after a lot of soul searching and some good hard "why us's" we decided to use donor sperm like the ACT we didn't have a problem with waiting lists and started straight away. We are three years on and have our precious angel 17mths and my DH is the most devoted, loving, proud father you could possibly imagine. It was so worth everything we went through. If you need to talk I'm not on line a lot but I am here if you need me along with the other amazing members of this post , Good luck honey

Blizz, did you tell your family that you were going to use donor sperm? it is one of the things we are not sure about whether to tell everyone and then it is out in the open (once we are well and truly pregnant!) so then there are no secrets. I grew up in a family where my older sister was born before my parents got married (I'm talking 1946) when it was taboo and there was a huge thing about whether my biological dad was her biological dad - I don't really care as she is my sister, but it is important to some and can impact on their lives - but it can cause problems

Tarkine,

Good luck with all that is going on with you and i hope you get your bundle in 2008 :pray:
My hubby and i have done, the egg, the sperm donor thing and now onto donor embryo.
As far as telling anyone that is a personal choice for you and your DH and no one can tell you what to do. It is what you guys feel comfortable with. WE told our families about the whole thing as they have followed and supported our journey over the years, and after failing with our own dna we moved onto donors and were 110% supported by our families and friends. Counsellors have told us over the years that it is up to the parents to tell or not to tell. Anyway just wanted to wish you luck with your journey and i hope its a short one.

Tarkine,
Hi honey sorry it took me so long to get back to you haven't been on line till last night and I read your post, replied and then accidently erased it, cracked the #!!** and went to bed!!!! vowing to reply tonight so here goes. I agree with Lissie it really comes down to personal choice I think that personally if you are up front and honest with things then you don't get caught up in the who have we told who haven't we told scenario. We told our immediate family and close friends because we really needed their support we don't tell everybody as a rule that we use DS but I do tell everybody who cares that DD was concieved through IVF for a few reasons one it stops the incessant questions about when we are having another child from well meaning people (and sticky beaks) and another that I want to be available to anybody who is having trouble concieving naturally and have been told that they need to consider other options so if they need somebody to ask questions of, or need to talk or just some support I am available.
It is amazing how many people tell me " oh you did ivf?, I new someone who did ivf with their first child and then had their next child naturally:wall:if only they new!!!!
We haven't made any firm decisions about what we are going to do as far as telling people and even telling DD in the future but we are just taking things as they come at the moment and our opinions change all the time.
The only pit fall that I have found by telling friends is that we had a major falling out with some close friends who knew about the DS factor and now sometimes it feels like they could use it as a revenge tool and my worst fear would be for DD to find out about her conception from some nasty gossipy person in the future so at the moment I'm leaning towards telling people and DD when she is old enough and eliminating this feeling that I have of people holding something over me (does that make any sense?)But I also need to respect the fact that at the moment DH doesn't feel comfortable with people and DD knowing that she is not his biological child.
As far as I'm concerned she is sooooooo much like him in sooooo many ways that I don't EVER think of her as being anything other than his, they love each other so much that all I ever hear is 'daddy' 'dad,dad,dad"hope this helps you I think it helped me to write it good luck with your appointments let me know how you get on

Hi girls

I'm brand new to this forum business.. so please bear with me as I learn the ropes and the lingo!

After numerous tests and procedures, my DH and I found out yesterday that he is infertile and that the only way for us to have the family we have been dreaming of is via DS or adoption... :(

As we spend the next few weeks trying to come to terms with our situation, we aren't wasting any time and already researching our options, with DS being something that we are contemplating.

How long do you think we should wait for before we start the process? Our FS recommended waiting 6 months, but not sure if we can wait that long!!

Apart from trying to come to terms with never being able to have one of his own offspring with his characteristics, one of the concerns my DH is having with this option is more so down the track, when we have to tell our child that DH is not their biological dad.. he is worried about their reaction.

Our FS actually gets the DS from the US.. not sure if this is good or bad?? Our FS also made the suggestion of getting the DS from a brother.. not sure if this is good or bad either??

Sorry for rambling, but as you can see.. there is so much to take in, and whilst at the moment it feels like our dreams have been shattered, we're trying to understand all choices and hearing from people who have gone down this road will really help us.

Millie
:confused:

I think Millie it depends on where you are in Oz to how long the wait is for DS. I asked at the clinic here in the ACt and they said they had no issues with waiting lists, but others have had to wait.

It would also depend on your age. Also there is a 3 mth "cooling off/waiting" period from the time you make the decision to use DS and the time you get it - if you know the donor then it is 6mths as there are plenty of tests for them to undergo first.

US DS will cost more - again depends on your budget and what your thoughts are on the whole thing.

Regarding the telling of your children, there are support groups around for both children and parents who used Donor sperm/eggs et al and they would probably (i guess) be the best places to go and talk with someone who has been in your shoes before.... that is where I will be dragging DH along to, so we can talk with those who have gone before us on this journey as well as these forums, which have provided a wealth of information to us (and provided us with some very useful questions to ask the FS when we meet them).

Hi everyone,

Just letting you know that DH and I saw the IVF clinic last Monday and we're on the magical mystery tour again.

Our SD has to do another blood test (which means another phone call from me to chase him up - our FS said he would ring but given he didn't last time I think it's easier that I do it).

As I said in the Woo Hoo post we had a small win - the sperm is being moved from where it is to our clinic, and IVF Australia has been really generous and will not be charging us for storage until May.

We also need to sign some more papers to start again.

My FS wants to start with IUI - he said there was absolutely no reason why it shouldn't work this way and he wants to try it with the new sperm.

So we agreed to try again at least once, maybe twice, and see what happens.

So it looks like we will be starting in Jan/Feb - as long as the blood tests and paperwork are done,

To be honest I felt like I was jumping back on the bandwagon again - a little weary of the whole process. Hopefully this mood is just pre Christmas jadedness.

Hope everyone else is going well..