:redface:
I've got my husband out searching for the essential baby magazine :rofl:
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:redface:
I've got my husband out searching for the essential baby magazine :rofl:
:clap: :rofl:
Sorry for the confusion - futuremum what username are you using on AED so that I can look out for you? Mine is the same I am using here.
Sara
Futuremum - :ROFL: thanks for giving me the first good laugh of the day....and a good one at that!
Futuremum, Julie and Sara - Have your clinics mentioned anything to you about the laws governing importing donor gametes and how this is expected to be outlawed by jan2010? Redlady was on here a few weeks ago saying this is what she had been told. I haven't asked my clinic yet.
I am just starting to consider donor egg and I don't know all the in's and out's - but I wasn't even thinking of importing it - but doing the whole cycle in the US if we go that way. I don't know what this would mean and that's what I'm starting to explore. Would we make a trip over that would involve DH leaving some sperm at a clinic there - then they'd fertilize eggs over there and freeze them, defrosting them when it is right for my cycle's timing - at which point we'd need to make another trip over at which point they'd do an egg transfer? I just don't know anything about it.
I just can't deal with any more of the obstacles the government here seems to be wanting to put in the path to a baby for those of us who can't conceive without help - it's just too much for me at this point. I don't see how any law passed here could prevent me from doing this if it doesn't involve importing anything. What do you know/think about this?
I have so many questions about this path (many of which have nothing to do with the process but rather the emotions and feelings involved with the donor egg path) and I don't even know how to articulate them as they are all still fuzzy to me.
After 3 trisomies, I do think I need to start thinking about alternatives to my own eggs - not that there are many....either stopping TTC or Donor Egg. We will probably do a few more ivf cycles with my own eggs, but I want to start getting my head around the Donor Egg path in case this is where we end up.
Buliej :hug:
If it helps anything and it probably doesn't at this point, I think you would be such a good candidate for donore eggs, you obviously have no problem getting pregnant which is the main thing. Really sorry to hear that it was anothe trisomy.
Lieve: I am currently not considering to go overseas for this. Also like Buliej I thought the only way to do this would be to have the cycle overseas or fly the donor to Australia, never knew there was the option of importing the eggs. My FS mentioned the options of going overseas, she especially mentioned South Africa and Greece.
Futuremum: I found you and said hello on AED in your thread.
Sara
Correct me if I am wrong, however I thought Redlady's post was about donor sperm being outlawed, you have to wonder though about eggs ..:
Actually that makes sense, freezing and thawing eggs has quite a low success rate, so I don't imagine people import them anyway (not sure what i was thinking...obviously having a vague moment). But i wonder then, if you can import fertilized embryos (or if you would still need ot make two trips to the US)? We've also considered going OS for our sperm donor, but after considering that that would mean undergoing IVF without being covered by the country's health insurance it works out easier and cheaper for us to fly our (known) donor here. So much to consider...there's definitely a market out there for a specialist who can navigate the system and help people like us that are at our wits end. I remember reading a post on here months ago where somebody likened going through IVF with visiting an enormous mansion, each time you went back to visit you'd discover a different door which would open into a different room and basically you had to make your way slowly through all the rooms before you could eventually get your head around the whole rigmarole.
Buliej - does your clinic offer specific donor counselling to help you work out what some of your questions are? It really helped DH and I, especially in the earlier days, when as you descibe so perfectly, all your thoughts are 'so fuzzy'. Anyway, :hug: it's tough trying to contemplate using a donor when you still hold onto a bit of hope of conceiving with your own.
This is so true Lieve but unfortunately I don't think I'll ever stop hoping that 1 day my body will come through for me. Although I've never fallen pg naturally and have been told I have a "hostile environment" (not friendly to sperm) but have also been told that this is a grey area and can change.:
it's tough trying to contemplate using a donor when you still hold onto a bit of hope of conceiving with your own.
That's the 1 thing I am dreading - that every month I will be hoping and will be let down when af arrives.:cry:
Hopefully I might 'get over it' if we're succesfull with DE.
so true clemo, even now against all the advice of all the doctors, i still hold out hope (followed by the inevitable and devastating disappointment) that each month one or two random sperm may make the arduous journey. We know there's one or two there, so how is it not possible then??????????????????:wall:
Thanks so much everyone.
I did a bit of looking on US websites and gee, it was even more expensive than I anticipated...close to US$30000 (that's with a "guaranty"... if you meet their criteria and aren't pregnant in 4 cycles you get something like 80% back) - there are other slightly less expensive options, but if the cycle doesn't work, you are back to starting over and paying for a full donor cycle. And none of the numbers include the travel etc.
It was a bit strange looking at the US donor sites - they have basic descriptions of the donors as well as - on one site- photos of the donors as children...it actually made me quite sad because I realized that I was looking for ones who looked like me. I have spent an hour searching my family tree in my head for a younger female relative - and have come up with no one - we are a small family - and all of us are "old".
Lieve - your suggestion about talking to someone is a good one - however, at this point in time DH won't even entertain this option - I personally think he is burying his head in the sand, but if we have a few more failed cycles maybe things will change...although I guess I better get a better grasp on how I feel before I start pushing. At least with donor eggs, they are pretty optimistic about success if you are 45 or younger which gives us a bit of time although not much considering how long this process could take.
I did sign up at AED but am still waiting for my account to be activated.
Hi Girls,
just thought I'd share some new info I came across regarding donor eggs. 'Epigenetics' can come into play where the carrying mother of the child actually has an influence in the genes forming in an embryo. I need to do a lot more research but found this comforting knowing that instead of just carrying the bub it will actually have parts of me. Makes me feel a lot better about the whole biological thing.
:hello:
Clemo - I just learned about that too - it's my next research/google assignment.
Anyone know how long it takes to be activated on AED site - I put in my details a few days ago, received an email acknowledgment but not the activation email.
Yeah I got the same buliej I even emailed and said I'm not sure if you got my registration :redface:
Shouldn't be long now and you'll get in
Clemo, yes have also looked into Epigenetics and it's very comforting.
Buliej: $US 30,000 !!!! Ooops. On the other hand with success guarantee and you can chose a donor who matches your looks and probably a very young donor too which gives you a better chance, may have another look into that. You still will have large costs here too as you need to pay your own and your donor's medical costs, some incidental costs for your donor and then may have to go through a number of cycles or not have any success.....
Sara
Hi everyone,
Sorry it has been a while...I have been getting my head around this new law that comes into effect for NSW in January next year:
The NSW Government is about to implement new legislation governing the use of donated semen. This legislation will come into force on the 1st January 2010....one particularly serious issue is that....we will only be able to provide treatment with donated semen where the donor is prepared to go on the New South Wales state register."
Luckily our donor has no issue with it, however it really distressed me when I first got the letter.
DH and I are seriously considering pushing through and doing a cycle in October - my heart says yes, my head is not so sure...
Gargy - what are your reasons for not pushing forward now - I apologize for not knowing your history
Buliej,
Sorry if this gets complicated but these reasons tie into each other.
Firstly, I had a really bad year last year in terms of work. I had a lot of sick leave, and this was used to try to oust me from my position. Eventually after it was pointed out that this was a naughty thing to do I was told that my current position was not available and I would have to move into a different staffroom to do a different job. All the staff were told that someone had to nominate to be transferred. I felt that it was easier for me to move to a brand new school with a brand new position.
Unfortunately this has not quite worked out. I am now working in another arrangement where I have to be in the same classroom with another teacher. This has nothing to do with me, it was an arrangement made before I even got to the school. This means that my job is very stressful at the moment. I have also had a number of days off sick - which the current school has been tolerant of, but in the back of my mind always is the way I was treated last year.
Secondly I had a really bad year in terms of infertility. After months and months of counselling we were finally ready to use the sperm of our friend and donor. However the IUI failed. Then we went for our first IVF. We had 12 eggs, out of which 4 initially fertilised. 3 then failed. One was placed in - but I was warned it wasn't looking good. Eventually this failed as well.
Thirdly DH and I have an arrangement that we are taxed on the highest income, and then in Sept/Oct we receive a refund which will cover an IVF cycle. We have not done our taxes yet. However there are other calls for this money. In July we decided to go on a holiday instead to Melbourne and Tassie - which we paid for through other means, but this has left a debt. My 40th is at the end of this year. And there are some things around the house that we desperately need: a dryer, a mattress and our 14 year old television is slowly dying. Not to mention simple things like new shoes, clothes etc.
We were not happy but accepted that if we went next year that the cycle would cost more. However I was hoping my health would be better, I would have less stress at work because I would be used to the new set up and I would have classes of my own, and my 40th birthday would be over and done with. We would be able to buy the purchases we needed. Also the failed IVF would be less raw.
However the more that I look at these things the more I think that they are secondary to having a child. The letter really threw me because it put me in the headspace that I was in when our clinic told us there were no more donors. And I realised that having our baby is something that I really want to do.
So this is the dilemma that we are currently in.
I see - that's pretty full on. I view everything through the prisim of age - and I am aware that this biases my views. The one thing you can't get back is your younger years - unfortunately, I wasn't atuned to this when it mattered and put off our first IVF cycle for some time because I wanted to have x years behind me in my current position and then we were planning a big holiday and I wanted to go on the holiday not pregnant so I refused to start cycling until aftetr the holiday (I assumed I would get pregnant immediately - ha!). All these decisions are much regretted today. I'll never know whether those 8-12 months would have made the difference...but they could have.
I would never be so presumptuous so as to tell someone what is right for them...but I can tell you that the regrets are horrible and it takes a lot not to let myself drown in them. As you say in your post, the tv and the other things can be purchased in the future. Your job situation is a tough one - the stress of IVF is enough - dealing with a work situation on top of it is not easy. and of course, you want to be the best mental and physical shape as possible. It's a lot to weigh up. I think that so long as you, your DH and your donor are happy with whatever decision you make, that is the most important thing.
Edit: I originally had our history here - but just hit the Moderator button and its the same thing...
BulieJ: I take your point that time is slipping by, this issue has been with us for most of our marriage and we are coming up to our 15th year. I look at the shoes on my husband's feet that are falling apart, I looked at the stress on his face and agreed with his decision that we needed a holiday this year, I worry about how my reputation at work is again slipping because I will yet again be that teacher that has to take sick leave because of IVF.
With my 40th - I wanted a reason to celebrate with my family and friends that had nothing to do with IVF - because the majority of them have been with us on this journey and if I go and have a cycle and it fails I will be absolutely miserable for my birthday.
I swing all the time between irrational hope that we will have a miracle because we have been favoured so far with so many miracles, and hopelessness that none of this will work - that I will be the person in the family that has foregone the promotion, the mortgage, financial stability in old age, emotional and mental peace etc etc
And yet, and yet I have this overwhelming instinct to try again in October...
I hope that I have not overwhelmed you - its just that all of this is playing on my mind atm and your question has allowed it to spill out...
'
Hey girls,
I had my 1st FS app with my cousin yesterday. It went really well. My cousin and I are like sisters so she requested that I come to every app with her. My fs did a scan and her ovaries look normal so that's a good start!
So that's one thing crossed off the list. Next is our 1st counselling session on 1 Sept.
I really hope I don't end up in tears at the counselling. When we 1st started IVF we had the compulsary counselling and I ended up in tears. Those counsellors always know the right things to say to get me welling up!
Can anyone tell me their DE counselling experience so I can know what to expect?
On another note: Dh and I are going to our friends wedding in Palm Cove, QLD next week. We fly out on thursday and come back Monday. We're staying at the Novitel so that should be a nice mini break in preparation for the 2 wks in Phuket in Oct!
Might have to slap some fake tan on though as I've turned into Casper throughout this Melbourne winter. ;)
Clemo, a little off topic here, I am going to be in Phuket for two weeks in Oct as well :D
Wouldloveabubba - What a coincidence! :clap: Have you been before? This will be DH and my 3rd time. It's our favourite place. I'm so looking forward to relaxing on the sunlounge at the resort, reading a trashy novel, and drinking ****tails!!!!:dance: And of course all the night shopping!!!!!
My cousin, who is my donor, and her partner are coming with us. This will be their 1st time. DH and I have never been on a holiday with anyone so it should be fun!
Hey everyone again!
Clemo and WLB - that sounds like an excellent holiday!
Clemo - funny you say that about councelling - I decided to go back to see a counsellor today because I wasn't coping (as you can probably tell from my last post LOL) She was really wonderful.
Other good news is that we went and got our take done today and we may get some relief in terms of finances too. Which means we may be able to go ahead in October after all!
Hi to everyone! Hope you're all travelling ok...
Hi Gargy great that you can go again in October :)
Thanks FM.
Its good that the October option is there - and that's where my heart is.
But I'll compare myself to the guy in the Gatorade ad at the moment - where he fights against his body and it completely shuts down just before the finish line. I feel like I'm him at the moment - and I am a little scared of over reaching.
Anyway - will keep seeing the psychologist, see my GP and I'm also going to try and see an accupucturalist - make sure I am in the optimum place before starting treatment.
How are you going atm?
Hi All
I finally have a few minutes to get on here and let you know that our little man has arrived! Jaxon was born on 14th August at 1.13pm weighing 7 pounds 13 ounces. We are all doing well.... just adjusting to getting up at all hours of the morning!
Anyway it's feeding time (again!)
Chat to you all soon
xxx
Oh wow congratulations Joy!
Congratulations Joy!!!!! Love the name Jaxon. :dance:
Gargy - Wishing you so much luck with your cycle in Oct. Good idea to see the counsellor if you're not in the right head space. I'm sure I'll be needing to do that at some stage. Although, I'm hoping that the initial sesson will be enough.
:happyforyou: congratulations Joy, hope you're enjoying every minute of Jaxon's arrival.
Gargy - hope everything goes the way you want it to, whether that's October or later. it's amazing how quickly you can start to feel in a better place with a bit of conselling, acupuncture, etc...basically just looking after yourself...makes me wonder why us girls don't do more of that as a general rule, not just when cycling..???
I'm also back to the counsellor this week, been a bit fragile of late. I think maybe I just need a good cry, which no doubt the counselling session will facilitate :redface: Our potential donor did his 2nd test last week so we should know sometime this week if it's a green light or not. I've got everything crossed, but also preparing myself for disappointment just in case.
Have a good week everyone.
P.S Spoke to my clinic about the jan 2010 laws and importing sperm, and she said nothing will change, importing is still possible...so, that's good news at least. The issue is with embryos apparently.
Hi Girls :hello:,
It's a bit quiet in here at the moment....
I'll be off-line from tomorrow till Wed as DH and I are going to palm cove, QLD, for our friends wedding. Should be a nice little break in the sunshine from this horrible melb weather!
See you when I get back.:thumbsup:
Hi Clemo,
That seems to be the nature of this thread - flurry of activity, then quiet for a while...
Have a brilliant time at the wedding! Enjoy the weather!
Thanks for the good wishes.
Hey Lieve,
I'm feeling a lot better. Also got a chance to talk to my HTs and Principals, and they have been very understanding, which has made me feel a lot better.
I'm also trying to eat more of an afternoon, which also seems to be helping. Yet to get in contact with the accupuncturalist.
Have you got the results back yet for your donor?
Hey everyone else!
I haven't made it to BB for soooooo long, have DH's laptop and am going to sit here and catch up on what every one has been up to.
We are still cruising here, my family Day Care business is trucking along slowly, hoping the new year wil see more families in need of my services, will keep fingers crossed anyway.
DD is now 3...sob!!, I did try uploading some photos a while ago but got frustrated and gave up LOL
DS is growing madly and is showing every sign of going from commando crawling to walking in just one step.....oh I am in trouble!!! DS will be 1 at the end of October.
well it has officially rained here for 40 days and 40 nights...we have had the wettest winter in 30 years, will actually be looking forwards to seeing the sun for a while sometime soon.
The rain has caused all sorts of problems with flooding around local areas and topped off with strong winds the emergency services have had their hands full!!!!
DH has been stood down (without pay) from his job at a local mine due to the effects of so much water, whch has led to huge mud slides one particular slide has blocked of a main working level and brought the mine to a halt (basically travelling horizontally through the underground tunnels blocking off access)
I am happy to have him home but we are a little concerned about our immediate future, please keep fingers crossed for successful job hunting
That is about it for me at the moment.
hope ever one else are still travelling along OK on your different paths, am about to go and check........NOW!!!
love to all Blizz and the gang xxxxx
oooohhhh I want to cry!!!!!! I just wrote a huge (took me an hour) reply to all of the older posts then the computer had a moment and lost it all AAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!! I'll be back when I've kicked an inanimate object a few times, mean time love to all, xxxxxx
Darn computers
Hey Blizz!
Oh that's annoying about your posts disappearing!
Can't believe that about the weather - and that DH has been stood down without pay - I hope that they can make the mine safe soon.
Paige and Angus are growing up soooo fast!
I hope that the childcare kicks off for you too.
Hi Girls :hello:.
Back from sunny QLD. Had a lovely time relaxing by the pool. Good practice for Thailand in 4 weeks!!!!
We had our 1st counselling session on Monday. Dh and I didn't talk much as the counsellor was rattling on the whole time. She brought up some good things that we hadn't thought about like, what if the bub looks like my cuz and how will she and I deal/react to that.
The counsellor grilled my cuz, to make sure she was completely sure about it all. So everything went fine.
Next counselling session in on 16th to sign consent forms. Then my cuz and I have our nurses app on the 18th to discuss the cycle and dates.
So that's where we're at.
Hope everyone is doing well.:)
Clemo - Im glad everything is going smoothly for you and you had a lovely trip .
I was wondering in general, what is the politically correct way to approach this. Do you ask someone to donate eggs, or do you wait for someone to offer ?
Hi to everyone
Hey wouldloveabubba,
My cousin has always said she would do anything for me to have a baby, after going through this journey with me and my DH. She's said she felt so helpless just watching us go through the pain of ttc. So when my FS suggested DE, I mentioned it, as I do everything, to my cuz and she jumped in straight away and said she would donate hers to me.
I initially told her that I thought she may be too close to me and that I might feel threatened etc. So I told her I would ask my other cuz, who lives in another state, first.
When I finally got up the courage, I just rang her and asked her straight out. I explained our journey and where we were at and would she consider donating some of her eggs to me. She said she would think about it. But I haven't heard back from her and that was a few months ago.
She's never been married or had kids and is 33 so I knew it would be a miracle if she said yes. But we do what we have to when we're desperate!!!
So in the end, my close cuz and I had a chat and we figured that being so close would be an advantage and that bub would know everything from the word go about it's special Aunty. If it works!
A lot of women have no idea that it's not that hard to donate - so really you have to wear you heart on your chest and just ask.
Sorry for the long winded reply!
Where is everyone????? :hiding: :juggle: :think:
Hey Clemo
Sorry I didn't respond to your response. I have been wondering how you are ? How did the appointment to sign the forms go ? Where are you guys at ?
Hi to everyone :hello: