Come on Girls! I know I'm not the only PED on BB! Even if it is in the back of your thoughts, you are still thinking about it.
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Come on Girls! I know I'm not the only PED on BB! Even if it is in the back of your thoughts, you are still thinking about it.
ali - I was... but have reconsidered. i think its a wonderful gift to give to someone - the opportunity to have a child. My eggs are aged.. I'm 38, and while I think I could have another one, i don't think a FS would be interested. if that makes sense
i offered to donate to my sis whe she was going thru infertility and i had three live ones under four (at 28)...happily she managed to have two without me. my only regret now is that i am too old to do it for myself (i can conceive but not carry) and my remaining eggs are too old too..
go the ladies who are willing to donate, this is a precious gift.
Hi all,
I am a de-identified donor (SD) for an IVF clinic in Sydney. Overall the experience has been good and I am sincerely happy to have helped my recipients to complete their families.
Now I am curious to chat with other donors and recipients about their experiences.
Are there any other anonymous or de-identified SD or ED out there reading this who donate through a clinic? I would be happy to chat with you about your thoughts and experience with your clinic. Which city/state do you live in? How does your clinic treat you? What does your clinic tell you about the recipients?
Also, some questions for donor recipients: What sort of details do the clinics tell you about us donors? How is your experience with the clinics? Which procedures do you generally utilise ... IUI, IVF or ICSI? Do you ever consider sending a thank you message to your donor?
Thanks
SD2001
Hi SD2001 Welcome to Belly Belly.
It is a wonderful thing you have done. I know how much of a differece it can make to so many lives.
I use known (sister) ED so I can't answer your questions directly, but I do know different people respond in different ways with regards to unknown SD.
Perhaps I can ask how do you feel about being unidentified to your recipient? Is there an option to do known donation through your clinic? Would you like to receive contact from your recipient?
I thought that by asking your questions you might want to share your feelings and experiences with us.
Once again thank you for caring to help families have the best chance to have children.
Hi Dusty,:
Thank you.
I certainly hope that I have made a difference to the lives of my recipients. It is hard for SDs to really know what difference they have made as the recipients do not usually thank them. 10 recipient families have utilised my donations and not a single family said thank you. Maybe something for the recipients out there to consider next time you spare a thought for your donor?
That was nice of your sister.:
I use known (sister) ED so I can't answer your questions directly, but I do know different people respond in different ways with regards to unknown SD.
Perhaps I can ask how do you feel about being unidentified to your recipient? Is there an option to do known donation through your clinic? Would you like to receive contact from your recipient?
I have no issue with contact with my recipients. I would be happy to communicate with them if they so desired. My clinic has a facility where any of my recipients can contact me via the clinic but no recipients have ever done so.
Yes, my clinic now does known donations but that was not an option for me at the time. The limit is 10 families and I have no more "slots" left.
Individual staff at my clinic are very good to me, but overall the clinic treats me as a commodity. We do not get paid (and no, I do not want to be paid), we don't get a thank you from the recipients, and once we have finished all our donations the clinic basically would be happy for us to "go away". The person in charge of liasing with SDs is a lab technician and not a councillor, and he has dreadful people skills. This could be part of the reason for the drop in numbers of SDs in recent years.
What are your thoughts regarding known vs unknown donors?
SD2001
Hi SD2001,
I have used sperm from an unknown donor in the past, however unfortunately both pregnancies did not take.
Then my clinic told me that they had completely run out of donors, and it was a mad scramble for myself and my DH to get our heads around taking up the offer of a friend to use his sperm.
TBH, had the pregnancy come to full term I probably would have contacted the donor once my child had turned 18 - which is now by law what you need to do.
As it is I will not be contacting the unknown donor - it is too painful a reminder of my failure to fall pregnant. And given this has been a hard, long road already, I don't need any more pain.
I'd say the drop in numbers of sperm donors has more to do with the change in law - no-one is allowed to be anonymous now unless they bypass the clinics and do-it-themselves.
There are very few people that are willing to be contacted once their biological offspring turns 18. Or if there are, they are not going to the clinics in large numbers.
That's interesting, because my known donor was allowed to access counselling through the clinic. I thought it was mandatory for you to access counselling before you made a decision to donate.:
The person in charge of liasing with SDs is a lab technician and not a councillor, and he has dreadful people skills.
At first we went with an unknown donor because it was the best option at the time. However the clinic running out has given us a wonderful new relationship with my friend that I would never have previously known about. I thank the universe every time I can for this friend coming into our lives.
Hi Gargy,
Sorry to hear of your unsuccessful attempts using an unknown SD.
Donors are not told of recipients who have unsuccessfully utilised their donations, so your donor would not have even known that you were TTC with their donations. In such a situation I do not think a thank you note is necessary as the donor would never be told by the clinic and the outcome for you was not successful.
When I was mentioning the thank you notes, I guess I was meaning the successful recipient families as they are all that the donor is told about by the clinic. However, I guess it is the thought that counts.
Sorry to hear your clinic "ran out of donors". My understanding is that the clinic allocates "slots" to recipient families to ensure that the recipient limit is not exceeded for a SD. Then there is a limit of the number of attempts before the slot is allocated to another recipient family, but I am not exactly sure of the number of attempts. I guess it was two at your clinic at the time. There was also the situation back in 2006 where the clinics temporarily reduced the maximum number of recipient families from 10 back to 5 in preparation for the new legislation that was to eventually come out in NSW, but they quickly changed it back to 10 until the legislation was enacted (it is getting close but the fine print is still not completed yet). I was just as confused as the recipients at this time as one minute they said the limit was now reduced to 5, and my recipient family limit had been reached, and then they said it was back to 10 and could I come in for more donations.
Yes, SDs must go to a councillor before they are accepted as a donor, and they can utilise the services of the councillor at any time, as required. But the primary contact at the clinic is then transferred to a lab technician. So if I want to find out any new information regarding births etc then my current contact is a male lab technician who basically sees SDs as an interruption to his work. I believe the ED contact is a female councillor. I am curious as to why we are treated differently?
How did things go with your known SD?
SD2001
Regarding the thankyou - I'd say (at a guess) that you may not hear anything until the child(ren) reach 18. This is the advice that is drummed into parents - must contact donor when child reaches 18 - so I'd say no-one would have had the thought to thank the donor when the child was young. You also have to hope that people do follow clinic advice to tell the child of their true origins. Sadly, some still do not.
As to my situation, the clinic had 3 sperm donors available in 2006. I used one twice, then had to go and have an operation (not related). By the time I went back to IVF the 3 donors had reached their 10 family limit, and there was no-one else on the books. The only suggestion they had was to go onto a waiting list.
Luckily the night before this happened we had dinner with our friend and told him everything that was going on. He was very willing to help.
Can't advise you on the female contact person for ED as I have not gone down this path. Is there some sort of exit strategy that the clinic has, where you can advise them on better procedures for the future?
We attempted IUI with our known donor earlier this year, but it did not work. Shortly we will be using IVF (Monday in fact). As to our journey, well, some days are better than others! ;) You are welcome to look at my blog to read about our journey in more detail.
Hi SD2001, Welcome to BB!!
I believe some of the differences in they way SD's and ED's are treated is to do with the amount involved in the donation. It is easier to give a sperm sample than an egg, however both are just as important as each other.
I also want to say, good on you for coming in here, i hope you being here can encourage a few of the male members of the site to donate!!
I will do known donation because of the amount that is involved in ED, and because it can have complications, so I would prefer to donate to someone I know, but I have also learned where to look for people who are struggling, so I can get to know them and decide on the perfect couple from there.
My parents dont approve of my decision to donate, but DH does. I think that has a lot to do with understanding the differences and the process. Mum worries that I would be used and then dumped, and if someone did do that then I guess that's life, but that family will be enriched through my actions. Most people looking for donor eggs are not like that so it is rare that someone get used and abused.
Hi Gargy,
I believe that recipients should tell their DC children from a very young age. The worst thing to do is to tell them when they are grown up as the research seems to indicate problems of identity crisis and mistrust with this situation. It is probably better to not tell them at all rather then tell them when they are already grown up. But the best solution is to tell them the whole truth from a very young age ... the younger the better.
There is still no reason to wait 18 years to say thank you. If someone sends you a birthday present in the mail, do you wait 18 years to say thank you?
I think my clinic has a waiting list now as well. They actually encourage recipients to bring their own SD with them.
I am currently discussing items with my clinic and making suggestions, though realistically I think that nothing will change. Australia is years behind more advanced countries such as the UK in terms of recruiting and looking after SDs and EDs. The FSA do not seem interested at all.
Maybe it was fate that you met your donor-friend. Good luck with your current attempts!!!
SD2001
Hi alioops,
Thank you for the welcome.
There was actually a paper published on the different attitudes to SDs and EDs, which had some interesting results. The study was undertaken in the US, where money is provided to donors as compensation, however apart from that aspect it is very true of the fertility industry here in Australia. Basically they are saying that the SDs are unappreciated, under-valued and usually not thanked for their charity. An interesting fact that I am aware of is that basically all anonymous EDs that I have spoken to have received a Thank You card from their recipients but I am yet to find a single anonymous SD who has ever received a Thank you card from any of their recipients. SDs in Australia do not get paid to donate, so if we don't even get a simple Thank You then why should we even bother? Some interesting articles on the subject :
Sperm Donors Valued Less Than Egg Donors
IVF News - Sperm donors don't get the credit they deserve
Like It Is : Sperm Donors Valued Less Than Egg Donors
Thank you for the encouragement. I certainly encourage any guys reading this to donate. However, a word of caution ... be aware of the new NSW ART legislation currently being enacted.
If I was to do it all again then I would insist on being a known donor. I would certainly feel more appreciated donating that way.
How many times have you donated?
SD2001
Ahhh, the links worked after all. :)
SD, Most clinics require that ED's have completed their families before donating, so I havent donated yet, but I will as soon as #3 has finished breast feeding.
I personally dont expect a thankyou from my recipients. I know that in their hearts they are thankful, and will do all they can for the child. They have been on a long road to have this child and will value it more than their own life.
In Australia it is illegal to be paid for ED or SD, but to me it is a gift. I want to bless someone else with the joy that my children give me. I have seen the heartache of LTTTC in my sister, and had to tell her I was UTD accidentally when they had been trying for 9 months. I would hope that if she struggles to conceive again (which I hope she doesn't) that I would be able to help her and her DH.
There are many more couples seeking ED than there are donors. I want to choose the couple(s) that fit my personal criteria, but if I become very close to someone who doesn't fit my criteria, the friendship is worth more, so I will donate to someone I really click with IYKWIM.
I dont think anyone goes into donating gametes lightly. I have looked into the laws, side effects, clinics, and have been on ED sites looking for that perfect couple. right now with TTC myself I have taken a bit of a break from the IP hunt, because it is painful to think that these couples have felt the heartache of month after month, year after year :bfn:s and to sooner I am UTD, the closer I am to donating
Hi alioops,
I believe that clinics prefer EDs to have finished their families in case there are complications with the donor process that leaves them infertile.
I assume that you will be a known ED, so it is likely that your recipients will thank you numerous times. What type of relationship do you want with the DC children?
I agree with the human tissue laws in Australia making it illegal to pay for gametes. Clinics do however cover donor out-of-pocket expenses for travel to/from the clinic.
Good luck with choosing a recipient couple.
SD2001
Hi all,
Are there any current SD or ED donors reading this?
Hi Alioops,
How are things?
Hi SD
I am 1 step closer to donating! I am 6 weeks pregnant! I am almost ready to resume the recipient hunt, but for the sake of the recipients, I think I may wait until I am closer to having this baby. I think that for them to have to wait a year or 2 after finding a donor would be heart breaking, and if they can find another donor who is able to donate sooner then it is better for them. There will always be more recipients than donors unfortunately, so I think it is fair for me to wait until a more suitable time, in order for them to avoid the pain of waiting while they have a donor lined up.
Hi alioops,
Congratulations!!!
Yes, put your ED thoughts to the back of your mind until after you have had your baby. You should enjoy your pregnancy rather than stress over finding a potential recipient. :)
I am donating my eggs early in the new year to very close friends of ourse from America, they are travelling to stay with us for a minimum of 6wks whilst we get our cycles in sync etc... I have had my bloods done & am ultrasound & all was perfect (I have excellent looking ovaries)...
I feel blessed that our friends asked us as it was something I had thought about after deciding that we werent going to have any more children ourselves!
So Jan 2nd they arrive here & hopefully we can get staright into it..
We have our counselling session in Dec!
Yay Tracey!
I had a feeling that was what the last line in your sig meant when I saw you in another thread!!! I assume from the fact that they are coming over here for the ED that you are going under the Australian laws rather than the American laws.
Yep, we ae having it all done here... Its really interesting & exciting!!!
Good luck with your ED Tracey. It is a great thing you are doing.
Just wondering if anyone can give me a rundown on how EMBRYO DONATION works (from the perspective of the donor). Do you know if it is possible to stipulate preferences, etc? Is there any choice permitted or is it completely anonymous? I have a number of embryos on ice, and would not like to contemplate their destruction.
Sincerely, Tracy
Hi Lady Penelope,
It is probably best to talk to your clinic to find out exactly what they do, but in general you could possibly assume the following:
1. You will most probably not be allowed to stipulate preferences regarding the recipient lady/couple, as this could be deemed discrimination (particularly in VIC).
2. Depending on which state you live in, you will possibly have to agree to have your identifiable personal details (such as full name, DOB, place of birth, private home address, private telephone number, etc), family history and medical history secretly provided to any resulting offspring once they reach the age of 18 (when they are adults) and you will not be informed when this happens. Exchange of information in the other direction is only possible with specific authorisation from the adult offspring.
My suggestion would be to consult with your clinic and find out if you can donate the embryos to known recipients who you introduce to the clinic. That way you have a say in point 1 above and remove the negative effect of point 2 above.
SD
Hi Tracy
This thread may help with your questions. Feel free to post any others you have. I am a recipient but I can try to help or point you in the direction of where you can chat to other egg donors.
SD2001, a donor can choose their recipient (if the recipient is willing) through known donation. The thread linked above talks about this in a bit more detail. Also the laws differ in different States. In Victoria where we did our donation the donor's details are registered and the donor is contacted and told if a child results from a donation (whether it be known or unknown) including the sex of the child.
Hi all,
Hope everyone had a great xmas and new year.
Good luck in 2009.
SD2001
When would an IVF doctor consider a woman suitable to donate eggs?
Generally when you have finished your family. There is also an upper age limit which I think is around 35.
My trigger shot is tobight with EPU at 12 on Sat!!!! YIPPPPPPEEEEE!!!! Then my job is done!!! lol:pray:
:dance: Tracey!!! Sticky vibes for your recipients!!!!
awesome tracey!!!!!! your a special chickie!!
Trigger shot done & wasnt too bad!!!!
7 brilliant eggies collected now I hope they do their thing!!!
I feel pretty good & am glad its over!!! LOL
Can wait to hear the embryo results on Monday/Tuesday!!!
Brilliant number Tracey!!!! Fertilise vibes!!!
Awesome super egg star Tracey! I hope you are recovering well.
Your IP (intended parents) are very lucky to have such a wonderful and generous ED :clap:
xx
Yay Tracey. I am glad your bit is done and is looking good. Hope for lots of embies on Monday and Tuesday and then you can sit back and relax!
Tracey - you are a star - you are giving such a wonderful gift to your friends - i know how excited they must be :dance::dance::dance: hope at least one of those little embies does the trick - you are a special special woman.
Ok so there were 5 that made it to the right stage on Monday of last week 1 went in & 4 are in the freezer!!!! They ahve since flown home & so in a few days will get bloods done & then we will know if its a true BFP!!!!!
That sounds great Tracey!!! How exciting!!! :stickyvibesboy::stickyvibesgirl:
Tracey, you are such an amazing lady to give this gift of life to others, what a brilliant result! Your recipient family is just so so lucky! Hope you have a speedy recovery from the EPU!