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ahhh.... now I see what I missed this morning.
:hug: Mel... before I start I'm going to tell you a little story. This morning I was in the kitchen at work with two colleagues who are both incredibly smart and good looking and I'm sure earn a great deal more than me. And one of them (the bloke LOL) said "In my twenties I just attached myself to one disastrous man after another, and then tried to cover it up with alcohol and drugs"... and the other woman and I looked at each other and said at the same time "so did I!". You know what - that one little exchange made me feel a whole lot better about myself! Anyway, my point is that we're all pretty much as f*cked up and insecure as each other.
Mel, I know that it may not seem like much, but you have so many friends here, and we all love you because you're clever, funny and fiercely loyal. You are doing an awesome job looking after three kids while pregnant with a 4th :o and you WILL have 2VBA2CS or whatever the hell the acronym is for that. I seem to recall your old boss in Queensland was just about ready to walk over broken glass if you would stay and work for him so you must have been pretty good at your job too.
I am sorry if people have let you down because you really do deserve better than that.
Everyone else has given you good advice but all I can say is that you Rock! and don't you forget it.
Otherwise..... I might have to come down there and give you a Pixie-bashing
(*please note that Pixie-bashing will be administered with soft fluffy objects and no Arimehs will be harmed)
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Mel - you listed several reasons why you couldn't do anything for yourself, I get the business, I get the lack of sleep, and the million things you have on your plate right now.
But those are actually reasons why you MUST do something for yourself. Simply to recharge. Even if it's painting your toenails or -gawd, I dunno- as long as it's something purely for you. So even if you don't feel worthy, treat yourself as if you ARE.....or I'll enlist all your friends to harrass you.
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I don't have any advice; just wanted to say that you're not alone. I don't think I'm very likeable either. For some reason I just expect that people I meet aren't going to like me.
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I really struggled with the lack of feedback about my progress/acheivements when I stopped work to have DD1. This probably says way too much about me BUT I had to work hard to get to a place where I felt there were positive acheivements in my day. There were a few parts to this - to stop beating myself up about the things that went less to plan and really making an effort to celebrate the successes we had. I tried to challenge the negative thoughts I had and replace them with good ones too. Corny maybe but it really rewired my thinking after a period of time I forgot to get to the less happy ideas.
I also had to start to carve out some time/space for me (sounds impossible with any small children, lol). So finding something I had let go and taking it back for myself, reading and walking regularly were what I scrounged back. Like Lulu said I also made some things not negotiable that I had previously dismissed as not important - making an effort to get out of my trackies and in nicer clothes and getting my hair cut more regularly - before I went back to work I did the cheapo haircut joint and a supermarket hairdye - and I felt much better. Sounds quite shallow perhaps but I began to value myself more - I was putting in the hard yards with everyone else yet not bothering with myself.
As for tricky family stuff - well I have tried to invest more in the family support I do have and the lovely friends who are there for me no matter what. It has helped me make peace with the angst and see it as their loss rather than mine.
xxxxxx
