You know, this is half rant, half rave, half "I have to get it out there", half "am I sane?". I know that adds up to two, so maybe that answers the last question.

There is not a single person on earth who has walked exactly in our shoes and knows exactly how we feel, the depth of our emotions and grief.

But I see often, people say or suggest (heck, even me, as I caught myself thinking today) that "you can't possible understand/empathise with me unless you've been through this". I think when we do this we deny others the possibility to empathise with us, comfort us, etc, and put up walls. We deny ourselves that connection and comfort.

No one has been through what I've been through, what is hell for me might not be for others, and vice versa, but many people have experienced extreme grief (regardless of the mode) and can in general empathise even though they haven't walked in our shoes.

It's not grief from the same cause, but it is still grief. Unbearable sadness comes from many causes.