Those Who Take Complete, Unconditional Responsibility For Their Own Lives.....

[Bathsheba]

A lot of what is being said here reminds me of yet another of my favourite quotes:

"Never waste a good crisis".

Bron: I think I heard a review on the radio about that study of people who consider themselves lucky and unlucky and the hypothetical scenarios... and yes, very relevant and interesting.

Lulu: Loved your post matey I totally agree. The biggest bounds I have made in my life can be attributed to specific times in my life where I have focussed hard on the task at hand and just kept AT IT! It meant ploughing through lots of crap and self doubt but I just made sure I did it anyway. Completeing my tertiary studies was the last instance. The most frustrating part of the whole thing was dealing with uni admin. oh good grief! Many of the other students found this too hard and became really despondant. Oh and doing all this assessment work in a few compulsory subjects that just didn't inpsire me in the slighest... but somehow I got through... like Maya said: "is what I am doing getting me toward my goal?" well it was, so as bizarre as some of the tasks were to it's just what I had to do. I think what stalls a lot of people in working toward their goals is that they have a preconceived idea of what the path to the goal looks like... it's like they accept that it's going to be hard work... but as soon as something crops up that they didn't anticipate it throws them... and sometimes they stay thrown.

For me the hardest part is deciding on a worthy goal. Like Lulu, at the moment I suspect that the best bet is just to focussed on my kids while they are still young. But I still want to lay the groundwork for potential future goals. It's a bit of a gamble though.

[Jennifer13]

I know what you are getting at though - for one thing I think many, many people's true path IS to help others.

I agree Lulu, in fact, I think by ignoring the pain of others we can never be truly happy ourselves.

Bath - it's true that focus/goals certainly makes things happen in our own lives. The things I have wanted and never doubted I would achieve/receive have happened.

I guess, what I think is that I am responsible for my life and my happiness, but I am also responsible for helping to make the world a better place for others in whatever (small) way I can (with my skills and abilities).

[Rouge]

I think his concept is great. But I think it only works preaching to the converted, or those already living life by this rule.

Anyone who is not intelligent enough to choose a path that suits them, or emotionally sound enough to make the right choices is going to fail no matter how hard they "do it". This was what I was trying to get at, filters aside.

I believe wholeheartedly that if you want something you should strive for it. Its something I have done all of my life, through abuse, homelessness, heartbreak, poverty, infertility you name it. And at the time I cried for what pain I felt as is the human response, I still got up and moved on and did what I had to in order to put myself in a place that was what I deserved. And I am there. And I am happy. But I have ALWAYS had this drive. I don't think had I had this inner drive if I was not at a place to hear anything that reading an article like this would have helped. This is what I mean by one blanket rule doesn't work for everyone. And I do agree with the concept, just not the delivery for those that aren't there yet. And I was critiquing the article not just the concept... seems I took it too literally again

Bath what does that saying mean?

[Bathsheba]

Never waste a good crisis?

This is basically another way of saying "every cloud has a silver lining". Meaning if you stop panicking when faced with an obstacle and calm down... you might be able to see an opportunity. Crisis is a state of flux. It's a time when the well trodden paths disappear meaning you might feel a bit lost but if you look up and around you might actually see something new that you didn't see before when you had your eyes down looking at the path. I think this is what "lucky" people are able to do quite easily and quickly... they don't waste time panicking. They are cool with ambiguity.

LOL I hope I'm not over intellectualising

[Laranna]

I agree with his theory. There are many, many people in life who will want bigger and better things, jobs, houses, more money, etc, etc but what are they doing to change it? Nothing and they will always have an excuse. I've worked with people who **** and moan about how much they hate their job, hate their boss, yada, yada but when you suggest to them maybe it's time to find a new job, they'll come out with all sorts of excuses - 'oh the pay's good here', 'it means I'll have to update my resume', 'I have good mates here'...People make excuses to stay in their comfort zone. Some will take a long time realise that it is their choice and their responsibility to make something happen, for others the light will switch on a bit sooner. You can lead a horse to water...

I guess at the end of the day, what I'm trying to say is that life is just a series of choices. We choose our own path, we choose our own wants and desires and we choose how we react to others and to situations. It's all about choice and that choice is ours alone.

[Rouge]

Absolutely bath, I agree with that completely. But as emotions go I also think its important to acknowledge an emotional response rather than just say "I'm not going to have one" because if you have to force yourself past the point of comfort in order to not feel something then perhaps you should be looking at the underlying cause of such a strong emotional reaction and deal with that, or in turn you could just be swallowing an emotion rather than stopping it. As a wise person once told me you cannot just stop a behaviour, you must replace it with another. Which is why when we have children and they are behaving in a certain way and we simply say "NO" they don't understand and don't often oblige because they do not know what they should be doing.

If I have a crisis sometimes I have an emotional response, and other times I don't and if I do I don't dwell in it but I do analyse it. And then I work on whats needed to get me out of whatever situation I'm in and work on that silver lining, and in my experience there is always one.

And no having an intellectual discussion, is not over intellectualising. Being smug about your intellect is what I hate about over intellectualising because to me if you need to be so smug you probably aren't even close to there, and smugness usually stems from some sort of other underlying issue.