Why are some people so....URGH!! And more to the point, how should I deal with such people.

(Mods I thought this is the right place for the thread as it is more about emotional growth than a boohoo as such, it just stems from my boohoo .

Certain ppl on DH's side of the family are sooooo defensive. No matter what we say; if it is anything different to their mode of thinking - we get shot down immediately and spoken too like we are immature children. It seriously does my head in. How long should we be expected to 'keep the peace' at the expense of our feelings / self esteem?

From work I adopt a fair and firm approach to people, but this just puts their (DH's family members) heckles up even more. They'll get more defensive if we try to have an opinion if we don't back down it will almost certainly end in a fight.

How do you 'keep the peace' yet get your point across without getting a defensive attitude back in response?

Is it just life that some people act this way and nothing can get through to them?

Is it possible to lead someone else into emotional growth without them even knowing it (like training a puppy or similar)?